Director: Vince Vouyer
The Abridged Version: I am a breast man. I like them big. I like them round. I like them any way I can get ‘em and for a long time now the man delivering me the goods has been Vince Vouyer. It used to be the Nice Rack series. Now, it’s Young Ripe Mellons. Now in its sixth volume, this series has been a rather reliable one. That trend is over now. Volume 5 was shaky at best and this volume is even worse. Pandora Dreams is a superstar in the making. If she sticks around long enough, she can be a real super star in this industry. Her scene here? Reduced to mechanical sex peppered with far too much “read from the cue card” dirty talk. It is amazing how adept Vouyer now is at hiring great talent and then shooting shitty scenes with them. Rayveness, who quite definitely does not possess young ripe mellons but only if you are emphatic about including the world “young” in that phrase, steals the show as a woman and not a girl who knows what she wants. But even her over the top theatrics are suspect. Lacey Tom, a sexy new Korean, delivers a scene that realistically should have been shelved and included on this DVD as a bonus scene. (actually, I have not seen the VHS. Maybe the extended length of this DVD is because Lacey’s scene is extra but I doubt it) Brooklynn Jade’s image on the cover only tells half the story but the unseen other half is integral to the outcome. And new Brit anal girl Holly Wellin suffers the same fate as Pandora. The only girl in the cast who I can honestly say overcomes the faulty director and/or male talent is Sammie Rhodes and I am not even sure that Vince Vouyer actually directed her scene since he does not do the pre-scene interview in it. All is not well in Vouyer-ville.
Scene 1: Pandora Dreams (cute face, tanned skin, voluptuous body, 34DD) w/Billy Glide and David Hardman (29 minutes)
Pandora Dream’s chest? In the words of Janice, “Oh…My…God.” I'd be hard pressed to tell you what she and Vince talk about in the interview because after the opening tease I fell under the spell of Pandora’s full breasts and shapely ass. I think they mention that she is 21-years-old, hails from Alaska, and has had at least a C-cup since 8th grade. She plays with herself briefly, pushing aside her tight black panties to paw at her pussy, before her two suitors walk in and get right to it. Billy clamps his mouth down on her puss and Dave fills her mouth full of cock. The puppies, freed from the restraints of the top, go on full display when she moves to her knees so that she might blow both Billy and Dave. And, as porn tends to do nowadays, things progress from this point about exactly as you would expect. The guys titty fuck her. She tells them, “Yeah, titty fuck me.” The guys fuck her pussy. She tells them, “Yeah, fuck my pussy.” Her breasts look amazing bouncing around like crazy in the initial missionary position. Whenever her mouth is free she says, “Oh, yeah…fuck me.” Yada, yada, yada…in reverse cowgirl, doggy style, cowgirl, and piledriver. There is some interesting camerawork in doggy and the piledriver, with the two guys taking turns and fucking her pussy from different directions, is pretty hot. She holds her arms together under her breasts and says, “Do my big breasts make you want to cum?” Then Billy and Dave cum on her face, mostly around the chin and mouth. Pandora is sexy but this scene lacked a certain something I can’t put my finger on. Maybe authentic heat? If the following scenes are going to be this contrived then look for my paragraphs to decrease in length because I’ll have nothing new to say.
Scene 2: Rayveness (older brunette, sleek figure, pale complexion amazingly natural 34Ds) w/Tee Reel (36 minutes)
Notice one thing about the tease sequence: Rayveness refers to her breasts as “huge melons” instead of “young ripe melons.” As sexy as she is and as perfect as her natural 34D chest is, she is not a young girl. This is a veteran performer who came back from an extremely extended break recently. She has been around so long though that her breakthrough video was actually a “Beverly Hills 90210” parody in which she played the Brenda (Shannon Doherty) character. And if you look up that cover you will see that she did actually did look exactly like Ms. Doherty at one time. She no longer looks like the girl she once was. She definitely looks like a woman and considering the “young” in the title of this video I imagine some might object to her presence in this cast. Ideally, I should too but Rayveness is hot enough and the market is so ridiculously overpopulated with young girl content that I welcome the presence of a true seasoned pro in gonzo. Rayveness and Vince catch up on old times for a little bit before the fucking can begin. Actually, I wouldn’t call what ensues fucking. It’s more like she attacks Tee Reel and he does his best to get her off without coming to soon. Spouting off random dirty talk like, “yeah, you’re just a black chair and I can ride you all night” (stated during reverse cowgirl) she gives off the vibe of a woman who knows exactly what she wants and how to go about getting it. For some reason though, right as Tee seems to pound her into an orgasm during doggy the scene cuts and returns with her titty-fucking him. They jump to anal from here, doing it cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. An interesting moment comes in sideways missionary anal. She is about to cum but can’t quite get over the hump. She begs Tee to help her get there and he responds by simply saying “Cum!” as if commanding her to do so will make it happen. During this, we cut and come back to them in the same position and he looks to finally have gotten the point because he pounds her harder and she does seem to get off. This ends on quite the down note though as Tee barely manages to squeeze even a drop of cum out of his dick and onto her tongue. She did her job in this scene but I am not so sure that he did. Regardless, they had interesting chemistry together. (During the credits at the end, Rayveness displays her stretching abilities. “Use me, use me. I’ll be your slut for the day.”)
Scene 3: Lacey Tom (Korean, black hair w/blonde highlights, 34C) w/Brian Pumper (19 minutes)
Lacey walks toward the camera and tells us that we have probably never seen a Korean girl with breasts as big as her’s before. She’s right. I never have. Originally from Hawaii, this Korean with the porcelain doll face has a very nice rack. Amazingly, she has had said rack more or less the way it is now since her early teen years but she did not lose her virginity until age 19. Here’s the real surprise though: she’s 29 now. Wow. She does not look it. (I believe the agency that represents her claims on their website that she is only 23) Unfortunately, her advanced age does not also mean that she is a complete natural in front of the camera as it did for Rayveness. This is still a new girl to porn and though Vince seems to loosen her up in the interview she is still rather timid. She tells Vince that she likes to find out what a guy wants to do to her so that she might then do her best to please him. Of course, Vince loves this idea and it kind of becomes the theme of the scene, with Brian mentioning it in different variations as he fucks her. She blows him first but it is rather boring. When the sex starts, Lacey seems to be genuinely surprised by how big Brian’s cock is. Despite how uncomfortable she looks to be in front of the camera she can’t stop herself from moaning louder and louder and louder as Brian works his way further in her very tight pussy. This goes on from missionary through reverse cowgirl and cowgirl, the ladder filmed in a POV manner. Brian shoots his load in her mouth and she spits it directly onto her right breast and then, using her hands, spreads it across her chest. Lacey was so timid that they could not even get her to do “forced dirty talk”. She just looked into the camera and essentially moaned in spite of herself.
Scene 4: Brooklynn Jade (cover girl) w/Brian Pumper and Tee Reel (27 minutes)
There’s one thing that the front cover of this movie does not show you: Brooklynn Jade’s body below her breasts. There’s good reason for that. From chest up, she is pretty hot. She has a cute face, though the piercing above her lip doesn’t do it for me. Her hair, dyed a red hue, is nice enough. And her 36DD breasts are magnificent. When you look at the whole picture though, you realize that she has a far too thick stomach and a 4’11” height that makes her look like somewhat of a butterball. Putting those breasts into context then, I would honestly recommend that Brooklynn get a reduction. Not a massive one. I am not crazy. But a 36DD on that body is too much. Or if not a reduction then she could serve to lose some weight, which would then probably slightly reduce her bust size. These are all things that Vince, Brian, and Tee do not seem to care about. During the interview, they consistently admit to being hypnotized by her breasts. We learn that she prefers black men and had this chest essentially blow up on her over the course of one summer. Before then, she was a tomboy. This is apparently her first scene so the guys occasionally tell her what to do or point her in the right direction. I must admit. When she gets on her knees to do the double blowjob segment and the only part of her body that is visible again is her chest up I momentarily forgot about what the rest of her looked like. They really are great breasts. Though she might need help on where to look or what to say because there is a camera present, it is pretty obvious that this is not her first time getting fucked by two black guys at the same time. She tells Tee Reel as much. She’s in the right business then. They take turns with her in missionary and seem to love fucking her so much that they actually kind of quarrel over how long each one takes with their turn. In reverse cowgirl is where the scene falters. They finally remove her dress that had been covering her waist and we see how thick that area of her body is. I hate to say that too because pretty much all of my favorite porn stars have thick bodies but when you are 4’11” and too thick it is all the more apparent. Three positions of Brooklynn is all these guys can handle though because they both cum on her mouth (not in) after missionary. They both produce really small loads. This scene is by no means a scorcher but this a decent first scene for a girl.
Scene 5: Sammie Rhodes (platinum blonde, 32D, nipple rings, back tattoos, tanned skin, think Brittney Skye just without the implants) w/Jon Dough (24 minutes)
Sammie is the girl that other girls hate. She is a naturally busty blonde that oozes sexuality without even trying. She’s easy going with no signs of inhibitions. She even admits to going to nude beaches. She hopes to show that Boston girls can fuck just as hard as all those California porn chicks. In an unintentionally comedic moment, the cameraman introduces Sammie to his friend Jon Dough. Kneeling on the ground with her top off, Sammie says, “Hi, nice to meet you.” Before she is able to even close her mouth from saying the word “you” Jon Dough just stuffs his cock in it. Is this not the quintessential gonzo moment, an indication of how depersonalized the genre has become? Sammie totally rolls with the punches though, sucking away at the cock in her mouth without hesitation. The blowjob is rather short, as is the subsequent titty fucking. Jon is seemingly dying to fuck this girl and gets to it in doggy. Sammie seems to like it much better when they switch to reverse cowgirl. However, she’s riding away and moaning her head off when Jon rather abruptly orders her to get off and suck his dick. The way he is treating her I am not even sure he knows what her first name is. By the time we cut to sideways missionary, she has shed her lingerie and is wearing only black F-me pumps. This girl has an adorable face, an extremely sexy moan, and a talent for playing to the camera. At no point in this scene are these qualities more apparent than during this sideways missionary bout. The camera is well served to frequently pull in on her cute face for extreme close-ups. To watch that face moan is to watch lust in motion. And as these two go on fucking Jon transitions from his initial pace of seemingly trying to just plow through the scene to being more and more enamored with her and consistently having to pull out to keep from coming. Eventually, Jon titty fucks his way to shooting his load over her chin and chest. Sammie is one sexy girl.
Scene 6: Holly Wellin (British, 34D, short blonde hair, think a less busty version of Alicia Rhodes) w/Toni Ribas and Tee Reel (27 minutes)
Holly is the latest British import with plans to embrace American gonzo and do as many anal and DP scenes as her body can take. Well, she may not actually have such plans but if she sticks around that is exactly what will happen. Look at Alicia Rhodes, who also started with Vince Vouyer and the Young Ripe Melons series. In fact, Holly might be wearing the same outfit that Alicia did in her YRM scene. Her accent is thicker than Alicia’s though, which might explain why her interview is rather short. There is some nonsense about upsetting the queen and then the guys sitting next to her start feeling up her very ripe mellons. And Vince wisely just pulls back and lets it all happen. They do the double blowjob but oddly the guys are more interested in telling her how beautiful she is or slapping her ass or sucking on her nipple than they are in actually getting their dicks sucked. It is as if the mere sight of her was all the foreplay they needed. And I can understand that. Outside of some minor teeth problems, she is extremely sexy with an absolutely smoking body. Her face is actually rather reminiscent of the sorely missed Bunny Luv, she of the “retired too soon” club. The guys take turns fucking her sideways missionary and begin anal in the same position. I can’t say for sure but I don’t think this was her first time doing anal. Alberto slips in with utter ease and powerfucks her ass and she barely blinks and eye. She offers a similar reaction when they DP her, Alberto in the pussy and Tee in the ass. Even though this one involves anal and DP, I could not help but be reminded of Pandora’s scene while watching this. Holly is sexy and at times taken away with the sex but for the majority of the scene she is merely distracted by having to say shit like, “Your black dick is so nice in..uh…me” or “Yeah, fuck me ass.” Vince Vouyer has become the master of artificial heat. The guys take turns filling her ass in doggy and DP her in cowgirl. “I want you to cum.” Again, the two guys titty fuck their girl as prelude to an orgasm. Alberto squirts a big load on her mouth. Tee Reel…surprise, surpise, surprise…barely even cums at all. In fact, the editing indicates that there was a lot not shown on camera that preceded Tee Reel squeezing what little cum out of his cock he did.
The DVD: If you've seen one Red Light DVD you've seen them all. Expect simple menus and mostly stellar audio/visual qualities. The extras consist of-
Behind the Scenes (4 minutes)-It's always nice to have a behind the scenes featurette and one is provided here but it is rather useless. You mostly watch Brooklynn get ready for her scene as well as get quick views of Lacey dressing and Holly enjoying anal sex.
Boner Footage (24 minutes)-These are solo scenes of Holly (4m), Pandora (8m), Brooklynn (3m), Rayveness (4m), and sexy Tianna Lynn (3m). It is mostly tit worship stuff with no b/g interaction. The addition of a "play all" option is nice. Incidentally, Tianna's solo strip tease in a wet white t-shirt reminded me quite a bit of a similar clip of Trish Stratus that can be found online, the only time that the gorgeous WWE diva has gotten anywhere near naked. If you've seen the clip you know what I mean. Damn Trish is hot.
Photo Gallery (4m)- Presented in a slide show format, the pictures consist of pretty girl glamour shots and hardcore sex stills.
Final Thought: Down below is my “about the author” section. In it, I list my favorite adult directors. Vince Vouyer’s name used to be on that list. However, I am not sure why but recently I have been beginning to notice that, as I said above, the only thing he is the master of is “artificial heat.” If these women could just be themselves in front of the camera and not have force un-natural dirty talk then things probably would have looked a lot better than they did. Perhaps these people all really did have a good time on-set and it was some vigorous fucking. I don’t know. I was not there. If that’s the case, it didn’t come through on camera very well. Also, the importance of the male performer cannot be overrated it seems. Brian Pumper is uncharacteristically detached and disinterested in the scenes he is involved in and Tee Reel is borderline pathetic at facial time. It definitely brought things down.
RENT IT or BUY IT: RENT IT. Sammie’s scene is good enough and Rayveness at least delivers the goods whether you want to see them or not. So, it is a borderline rental candidate but still a candidate. I would not dare buy it though. Do not waist your money unless you know that you will be getting very formulaic porn and are okay with that.
About the Author: A current college student, Kelly's infatuation with pornography began with the likes of late night Skinimax and eventually graduated to hardcore. As such, sometimes storylines go a long way toward his enjoyment whereas other times the more to the point nature of hardcore gonzo is desired. In either avenue though, girl/girl bored him to tears. He used to operate a fan site dedicated to Taylor St. Claire, who is still to this day his favorite porn star. Right behind her at #2 and #3 in his top 3 girls of all time are Avy Scott and Devinn Lane. Other favorites include busty women like Zora Banks, Cherry Mirage, and Haley Paige and slimmer women like Alyssa Love, Stephanie Swift, August Night, and Jennifer Luv. He avoids Max Hardcore, Ed Powers, Vivid, and compilations as much as possible, and eagerly looks forward to releases from Evil Angel, Devils Film, Red Light District, and Platinum X. He generally favors anal scenes and DP scenes with big facials, but is too timid for gangbangs and any such other extremities. His favorite directors are Mike John, Joey Silvera, Tom Byron, and Jules Jordan. His favorite porn films of all time include The Fashionistas (2003), Whack Attack 9 (2001), Nice Rack 6 (2000), Service Animals 7 (2002), and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women 1 (2000). When reading his "Rent it or Buy It" advice, take into consideration the fact that he almost never buys pornography. He is a habitual renter.