Where The Boys Aren’t 13 is an all-girl flick from Vivid with a stellar cast. All-girl fans should be pleased by this title, conditional on their opinion of Vivid girls of course. Although most of the girls are deliciously hot in my books, they also share enough pounds of implants between them to qualify for a lightweight boxing match. Some implants are done better than others but for better or worse they’re unavoidable in every scene.
The plot, such as it is, revolves around Jenteal’s bachelorette party. The acting and dialogue are hammy but the movie never takes its seriously (nor do the performers) and the story’s a bit of fun fluff. It doesn’t have the natural ease of Slumber Party 8 but the girls get along well and occasionally burst out laughing while delivering lines.
The DVD begins with a slow, cumbersome interactive menu (which I’ve never liked); it should start with a normal menu and include an option to switch to the interactive one. Rather than the undesirable and unrelated extras (hacked-up sex scenes, an unappealing web promo) they’ve included here, Vivid should really think about outtakes and behind-the-scenes featurettes instead. That would have been great given the women in this movie.
As with most other all-girl movies, the sex here occupies the ‘middle ground’. It seems to me that most all-girl fans are divided between preferring ‘softcore’ action (lots of kissing, caressing, gentle foreplay, limited toys) and ‘hardcore’ action (lots of toys, rimming, fingering, energy, talking). WTBA13 leans to the latter, with not a lot of kissing or foreplay but a lot of energy, fingering and rimming.
This is further emphasised by the slightly jerky editing and the frantic pace of some of the scenes. On the other hand, there weren’t many toys used. I consider that a plus as I prefer softer action, but I still thought highly of the sex here. The editing and filming could have definitely been smoother but ultimately Where The Boys Aren’t 13 is a sexy movie full of hot women enjoying each other.
Devon, a cute young blonde, and Kobe, an older Asian reminiscent of a tanned Teanna Kai, undress on a large bed. Both are implanted, Kobe a little unevenly; Devon also sports a tattoo on her stomach. They begin with some light kissing before Devon briefly eats Kobe and Kobe reciprocates. Kobe fucks Devon with a purple dildo. They are joined by Sky, another cute implanted blonde, who takes matters in hand (and mouth).
Having so many hot girls in one scene was slightly overwhelming but the close, inept filming and uneven action helped lower things to a safe level. The blondes work Kobe over. There’s quite a bit of jerky filming and poor editing but some decent action as well, particularly when Devon relentlessly licks Kobe’s clit while Sky fucks her with a dildo. Some good moments in this uneven scene.
After a humorous catfight between Raylene and Sky, Alex puts some music on and the girls get it on in the lounge. Alex is an old, hardened blonde; Dyanna has aged far more gracefully. Taylor and red-headed Raylene are hot. There’s more clunky filming in this scene, which (surprise surprise) seems related to the multiple angles. All four girls are heavily implanted and go somewhat over the top but there’s still some hot action, especially when Taylor takes control of Raylene and rims her enthusiastically. There’s also a lot of very frantic fingering and then the scene abruptly fades out, a disappointing finish.SCENE 3 – Jenteal, Julia Ann & Taylor Hayes
Jenteal, Julia and Taylor, all very hot women, get it on outdoors. Taylor is my favourite but Jenteal has always been a solid girl/girl performer and Julia can hold her own. Jenteal and Julia caress each other while Taylor models her fantastic body. There’s plenty of fingering but this scene is slightly slower and gentler. Taylor becomes the blondes’ plaything and the girls all look like they’re having a good time. Heck, if you were a starlet genuinely interested in other girls you’d be in heaven on the set of this movie. Again, this scene ends somewhat quickly and unevenly.SCENE 4 – Janine & Raylene
Janine is the epitome of an Amazon – tall, strong-looking and wild. I like her dyed black hair but the tattoo on her arm is unattractive. They start with some good, all-too-brief kissing before worshipping each other’s bodies with their fingers and tongues. Janine takes control of a more laidback Raylene, who seems very willing to be Janine’s subject. She rims Raylene a fair bit (girl/girl rimming being the only type I can stand); the kitchen setting makes things awkward but they manage to heat things up.
I checked out some of the multiple angles in this scene – not an activity I normally indulge as my hands are usually too busy (um, writing notes for reviews) to play with tiny buttons on my remote control. The angles weren’t great and reaffirmed my belief that directors should simply focus on the one best angle they can film. The girls have a good long heated scene with a strange glass toy used anally on Raylene as well.
Finally, all the girls come outside for some cake-eating fun at night. This scene would have worked immensely better in daytime and if there wasn’t any intrusive flash photography (non-flash is bad enough as it is). Chaos breaks out in the orgy with hair, flesh, asses, food and implants everywhere.
The sex is again frantic with some very good action but the camera can’t keep abreast of everything. Sensible use of multiple angles would have been excellent here to follow the different couplings, but there aren’t any alternative angles at all. The scene concludes with a whipped cream fight that’s every bit as fun as it sounds, and the girls hose each other down.