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Uniform Babes
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Uniform Babes

Studio: DVSX
Category:  All Sex , Straight
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Released on: 
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Crucifixio Jones's ratings for Uniform Babes:
Overall Rating 4.5 stars
Uniform Babes overall rating 4.5 stars
Female Looks Uniform Babes Female looks rating 4.5 stars
Male Looks Uniform Babes Male looks rating 2.5 stars
Sex Uniform Babes Sex rating 3.5 stars
 
Plot/Acting Uniform Babes Plot/Acting rating 0 stars
Extras Uniform Babes DVD Extras rating 3 stars
Audio/Video Quality Uniform Babes A/V Quality rating 4 stars
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Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones  on  9/14/2005

A Year Later, Where Are They Now?

Uniform Babes

2004, 1 hours and 45 minutes
(not two hours as indicated on the box cover)
DVSX
Directed by Joe Friday
Starring Sativa Rose, Sammie Rhodes, Tiana Lynn, Lani Lei, Katie Morgan, Loni, Reina Leone & Mika Tan



What You Should Know:
I doubt anyone has been paying attention but this marks my 100th review for Adult DVD Talk. I wanted to do something special for this occasion even if it ended up being special to no one save for myself. And to be honest, I didn’t even have to think long or dig deep to find the movie I wanted to talk about. I’ve been wanting to share my thoughts about “Uniform Babes” for well over a year now and last month was actually its one year anniversary. It‘s rare that an X-rated flick hits all the right notes, from start to finish and that it is apparent to you right out of the gate. This occurrence is even more of a rarity from first-time directors, which Joe Friday was at the time he helmed this.

In Friday Night Lights newspeople interview high school running back Boobie Miles, asking him if they should believe the hype about him and his abilities. “What hype? Hype is something that‘s not for real. I‘m all real,“ is his egotistical reply. I can see this being Friday‘s response when asked about the imminent release of Uniform Babes. To summarize the well-known by now backstory, Joe Friday (named for Jack Webb’s character from the classic late ‘60s television cop show, Dragnet) and his wife, Reina Leone led the ultimate double life, performing adult scenes together on the internet in their spare time. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem but Joe and Reina were both police officers; Joe a beat cop with the San Francisco Police Department for 5 years in that city’s infamous Tenderloin district and Reina an institutional officer and deputy with San Fran’s Sheriff’s Department who worked at the county hospital. Neither ever really made mention to their friends in the business that they were officers of the law. Who would believe them? Friday has a sleeve of tattoos on both arms and even more on his back and stomach. Leone also sports tattoos while having her tongue, belly button and both nipples pierced. They certainly didn’t look like the fuzz. Reina often said she was a nurse. Their double life caught up with them when a co-worker found one of their internet-only scenes on the web and proceeded to show it to nearly every co-worker and precinct possible. It finally ended up in the hands of KTVU, a FOX affiliate in the Bay Area who on May 25, 2004 outed the “porno cops“ and for all intents and purposes ended their law enforcement careers. Friday was shoved behind a desk pending investigation and Reina was harassed to the point where she voluntarily resigned.

In the interim, Friday struck a directorial deal with up and coming DVSX who, as a young start up company, could use all the publicity they could garner. They got all they needed and then some from Friday and his beautiful Filipina/Spanish bride. Striking while the iron was still hot and hoping to cash in on their newfound notoriety, Friday and DVSX announced the arrival of Uniform Babes: Conduct Unbecumming, a six-scene wall-to-wall sex feature that was supposed to be “loosely based“ on the real experiences of Friday and Leone and featured both Joe and Reina in a scene together in full police officer regalia. The hype machine was running full bore and the stage was now set. The entire world was watching; all eyes were on them. All Friday and his cast mates had to do was deliver. And deliver they did.
Scene One: Sativa Rose with Joe Friday


Sometimes I wonder if Sativa Rose herself is fed up yet with being dressed up as a maid, doing housekeeping at some anonymous hotel chain. But here she is, yet again, dolled up in a French maid‘s outfit, complete with feather duster, barging into Friday‘s room while he showers. She peeks into the bathroom to catch herself a glimpse of him and then settles down on the edge of his bed to masturbate. Of course, she gets so wound up she doesn‘t hear when he's done and therefore gets caught in the act. She‘s embarrassed and a little shy, sure, but not so much of either that she can‘t fuck and suck Joe until he cums all over her face. Rose was red hot at the time this dropped and I suppose “maid“ was a no-brainer for her part. I only wish that she had been paired with more experienced male talent to work with because this could have been one heck of an opener but instead it kind of fizzles out heat-wise because Friday and Sativa don‘t appear to have any real chemistry. Friday likely only cast himself in the scene because he was probably as big a Sativa fan as everyone else at this time. What director wouldn't take the opportunity to bone her? If Sativa weren‘t such a treat to look at, with her full-lips and even more full, round breasts, this entire scene might be a wash and fast-forward material. As it is, she kind of makes it work.


Scene Two: Sammie Rhodes with Cheyne Collins


Nurse Sammie Rhodes informs her patient Cheyne Collins that he suffered head trauma from his recent motorcycle accident and that is what's causing his constant state of erection. After having his vitals taken, Cheyne begs the nurse to do something to relieve the tension in his nether regions. Sammie has an idea for a technique that just may do the trick. I can‘t recall if this was my very first look at Sammie Rhodes but it was certainly one of my first and I‘ll never forget it. Had she continued to do boys she would have definitely gotten my vote for Best New Starlet. Sammie has an adorable face, lips made for wrapping around cocks and a pair of all-natural breasts that literally make my mouth water each time I see them uncovered but even moreso when they‘re flopping around in the midst of her fucking. Her actions here are very slow and deliberate, sexy and seductive proving that you don‘t need to go balls to the wall for twenty-five straight minutes to make a scene hot. The fact that she takes her time and grinds on Cheyne‘s prick like she wants to savor every tingling sensation that dares ripple through her young and tight little body drives me crazy. I seriously MELT whenever Sammie is on my television screen. These days Rhodes is strictly girl/girl but one hopes that after seeing scenes like this and her pairing with Manuel Ferrara in Platinum X/Jessica Dee‘s Sperm Smiles that she reconsiders her stance and returns to the world of boy/girl soon.


Scene Three: Tiana Lynn & Lani Lei with Kris Slater


Hot firewomen Tiana Lynn and Lani Lei find Kris Slater in a warehouse, unconscious from smoke inhalation. In a last ditch effort to revive him, they undress and share his cock. I‘ve been a fan of the Hawaiian/Puerto Rican Lani (formerly Lani Kaluha) since I first laid eyes on her in Jon Dough‘s Ripe N Ready 3 and Elegant Angel/DJ Yella’s Reel 2 Reel 2. Then she started squirting. The love only grew. Tiana Lynn I was a bit late to the bandwagon on and didn‘t realize what the big deal was until Jonni Darkko’s Angels of Debauchery 2. Since that time, her popularity has grown by leaps and bounds and she‘s currently exclusive to Elegant Angel, appearing in a slew of their female ejaculation-themed vids and her own line, “Super Squirt.” But at this point in time, both girls' stars were only beginning to ascend. This is without a doubt, the most brilliant bit of casting I have ever seen in an adult movie. Two squirters as firewomen? Admit it, that‘s genius. While they don‘t put out any real fires with their orgasmic spray, metaphorically they put Slater‘s and gush all over themselves in the process culminating in one hell of a wet and wild finale that sees Slater jizz on Tiana‘s tits while she and Lani manipulate themselves to climax simultaneously. The ladies' juices are the highlight here, I couldn‘t care less about Kris‘ pop.


Scene Four: Katie Morgan with Rick Masters


Katie Morgan is a postal worker delivering a box of DVSX-brand porn to Rick Masters. He‘s so happy to get his movies that he doesn’t wait to open the box before signing for the package. When he thinks he recognizes Katie on the box cover of one, he calls her on it and puts the movie in the player while she‘s still standing in his living room. The jig is up. Katie admits that is indeed her so Rick rightfully whips his cock out for her ton dine on. This is pre-boob job Katie but the enthusiasm and great performance is still intact. Katie throws herself 100% into her work and one gets the impression that she really, really enjoys her job. Nowadays, we all know her as the “perky and punctual“ one from Jonathan Morgan‘s “Space Nuts“ casting call on HBO‘s Pornucopia series and since that appearance, her popularity has also skyrocketed resulting in HBO coming back to do a half-hour special on her alone. I like today‘s “enhanced“ Katie Morgan a bit better, physically, than this one but it‘s still the same lady. This is hot, as per usual, for Katie and for this movie.


Scene Five: Loni with Cheyne Collins & Reno


This is the most fun scene on the disc. By a long shot. Loni‘s an Army staff sergeant (at least by the insignia on her t-shirt) bitching out two of her soliders for hitting on a lieutenant. Filipina Loni has an absolute ball playing this character and it shows. It‘s also hilarious to watch her smack these two guys around seeing as how Loni is easily half their size. She can go all day insulting and berating these two and I would listen to every second, to be honest. She rambles on a bit too much but who can blame Friday for letting the camera linger and letting her go? She‘s goddamn hilarious. If she weren‘t so hot and her tits not so fantastic you might not be able to beat off from laughing so hard. Her private‘s punishment for getting out of line? To service their superior, the tiny Loni. Throughout the sex, she‘s still barking orders (“Watch my hair! Did I tell you to touch my nipples?“) and dishing out insults (“You‘re a fucking clown. You smell like her pussy from last night!”). Lately, little Loni has been performing less, instead trying her hand at directing, learning at the feet of her mentor and good friend, David Aaron Clark. This is an extremely fun scene, not to mention scalding but surprisingly for the moments when Loni DOESN’T have a dick in her mouth. I wanted to MEET Loni after seeing this. She‘s got to be a card in real life with some of the things she was saying here.


Scene Six: Reina Leone & Mika Tan with Joe Friday


For a woman that was actually a cop, Reina Leone is actually pretty horrible at acting like one. Mika Tan on the other hand, seems way too comfortable playing a prostitute and telling off the law. Mika‘s a hooker with a serious attitude in the holding tank refusing to let Leone search her. With lots of swagger and chewing gum snapping, she resists Reina‘s demands until Leone decides to use excessive force to wrestle Mika down onto her mattress. Once they tumble on top of each other, Reina decides to help herself to the street walker‘s “product.” This set-up might be the hottest included here. Watching Mika slowly submit to the aggressive Leone is great. When Leone licks Tan‘s pussy, she asks Mika if she likes it and even though every indicator says that she damn well does, Mika still eeks out a “No.” Their girl/girl play and Reina fucking Mika with a strap-on actually made me forget I was watching two girls go at it. By the time Joe Friday arrives to shut up Mika‘s incessant back talk by putting his dick in her mouth, he nearly kills the vibe they’ve worked so hard to create. But Mika‘s charisma, nor her lust for sex, can be denied. She perseveres and carries the new-to-porn couple to an awesome scene, that sees her d.p.’d by Leone (wearing a strap-on) and Friday. Reina also takes it in the ass from her real life beau. Without Mika‘s involvement this would have been merely average, with her it manages to rise above. It‘s a shame that Mika did so much here but wasn‘t appreciated enough to even include on the boxcover. At least she is still going strong today, putting out easily the best scenes of her career and looking the best she‘s ever looked while getting it done.



Overall:

Joe Friday never directed another movie after this one. Not for DVSX or any other company. Both he and Reina have performed in less than 30 titles since. There was never a Uniform Babes 2. While Friday‘s candle shone doubly bright early on, it also seems it burned out twice as fast. It‘s only fitting. With a debut this auspicious, this spot-on, there is no need for a sequel. Why tinker with perfection?


Special Features:
  • Behind The Scenes (2:20)
  • Cum Shots (separated individually by scene, no option to play all)
  • 8 Solo Masturbation Scenes with each female cast member that run about a minute and a half to two minutes apiece)
  • Photo Gallery
  • Web Access (a reminder to check out DVSX.com)
Crucifixio Jones


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The opinions expressed in this review of Uniform Babes from DVSX are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.