|Where to buy:||Streaming/Download|
Title: Time Traveler
Released by: Dreamland Video
You know, sometimes an idea sounds much better on paper than it does when it is actually put to video.
So here’s the idea as described on box: "In the year 2120, a clairvoyant scientist [Teri Weigel], with a curiosity for the history of sex, experiments with time travel. By caressing objects from the past she is transported throughout the eons to experience first-hand the carnal pleasures of eras long gone."
Sounds good… but now let’s see how it was put to video.
First of all, we have "clairvoyant" Teri Weigel (yes, they actually used her name as the main character) in the year 2014, working out of what appears to be some basement room. (So what happened to that bit about it being 2120?) She zips herself into a latex bodysuit, puts on some rose-colored goggles, sits down on a modified dentist’s chair, and plays with certain artifacts until she "vibes" into that period of time.
Meanwhile her partner, who is dressed like a refugee from Blade Runner instead of an actual scientist, fiddles around with some equipment that looks like it was bought at a certain franchise electronic store. Supposedly whatever she "sees", he can record with all of this stuff. Funny, since most of it doesn’t look like it was turned ON. Yeah, and then you have to ask whether or not this kind of technology would even be available by 2014!
So Teri gets a "vision" of a couple of Ancient Romans getting it on that is somehow connected to this vase she’s holding in her hand. They do their little thing and then – pop! – she’s back in the year 2014, and super-horny. She’s gotta get laid by Dr. Blade Runner. There’s a very extensive scene of the two of them as they giggle their way naked. He does a little oral on her until she climaxes… or at least I hope she did. She didn’t give one of her usual trademark screaming orgasms, though. Then she squeezes her body back into that latex jumpsuit, and it’s off to another period in time.
Second time around, she’s in 1987… only this time we see HERSELF dancing in what appears to be the world’s smallest strip club. Now if Teri were really seeing herself from back then, then she’d have her jet-black hair and small natural breasts, not the kaleidoscope dye job and football-sized implants she was sporting in the movie. Doesn’t really matter, though, does it? Right after a chaotic prance around the stripper’s pole, it’s time to get some from the club’s one and only customer. They go right at it, right on there on the stage. (Yeah, like THAT ever happens in a real strip club!)
No rest for the horny, I suppose, as Teri "vibes" herself to Berlin in 1989 for a little fetish party. This time we go back to her "seeing" these things instead of actually being there. A little dominance, a little paddling, some foot worshiping and then some straightforward sex.
Then... BANG! Right after the missionary pop shot we go right back to 2014, with Teri already getting busy on Dr. Blade Runner’s "blade". She’s already out of her latex suit and she hasn’t even pulled his pants down all the way yet before doing a little "vibe"-feeling with her mouth. They make a little production about lubing each other up (I didn’t realize that lube was standard scientific equipment), and then Teri goes into a dance while Dr. Blade gets himself hard again.
At this point I’m asking WTF is this all about? Why are we seeing Teri walk around feeling herself up while Dr. Blade is stroking away with his back away from the camera? Come on, it’s supposed to be 2014! There should be a whole plethora of erection drugs out there for Dr. Blade to pop! I mean, they have lube on stock but not Viagra?
But wait, there’s more in the world of WTF! As we finally get to Teri and Dr. Blade going at it on the desk, the camera starts to pan away right off of the set! Nice going there guys. On the plus side, we get treated to Teri’s trademark screaming sex scenes, but it’s more an audio experience as the cameraman has a hard time focusing on just one subject. Let me guess… someone forgot to take their Ritalin, huh?
Okay, right after some desktop nookie, Teri brings herself to orgasm, and then it’s right back to some more banging with Dr. Blade’s inborn tool and then Teri brings… oh wait, that’s just the same scenes repeating themselves. Again, WTF guys? Finally we get to some more un-looped footage of Teri going at it from reverse cowgirl, missionary on the floor, and then doggie before delivering the pop from missionary. Poor Dr. Blade! I’m sure he had to work for that one!
Well after she gets a skin treatment of the sticky variety, Teri gets zipped up back into her latex suit and leaves for the day. You mean that’s her REGULAR clothing for the year 2014?
Suddenly we’re in some bathroom, with a strange couple going at it. Huh? WTF? Oh, wait a minute, there’s Teri writhing away on the jazzed-up dentist chair. I guess we did a little "time travelling" on our own, huh? Funny, I didn’t see any objects in Teri’s hands for her to "vibe" off of. Didn’t matter, I suppose, because now we’re back to the couple going at it in some dark and strangely clean bathroom tile. And I’m starting to get seasick as the camera is bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down…
There are so many things wrong with this video that I don’t know where to begin. We have the almost non-existent plot. We have Teri’s overly giggly and somewhat chaotic performance. We have a camera crew that can’t keep a camera steady. We have a "futuristic" set that looks like someone’s basement. Some of these flaws would be a non-issue if the director employed a little more post-production work, but many other flaws cannot be swept away. Much like Teri’s kaleidoscope hair, this video tries to touch on many things, but it just can’t focus on one of them.
In terms of extras, there are two trailers you can view, plus a slide show of behind-the-scenes photos. That’s it, and I suppose we should be lucky they even managed to include that, huh?
Now, a few words from the wise to anyone in the business looking to do a "futuristic" film… First, if you’re going to do a futuristic movie involving time travel, 2120 sounds a lot more credible than 2014. Second, have your scientists from the future look like scientists and not like bounty hunters. Third, have your futuristic set look like the future, not like someone’s basement. Fourth, be consistent about your "visits" to the past. You can’t have a traveler "vibe" herself into the past one time and then simply "peek" all of the other times. Choose one or the other, but you can’t have it both ways. Finally, if you’re going to do a futuristic story, don’t have your main character’s name the same as her own!
All in all, there are only two groups of people I would ever recommend this DVD to… the first being all of those diehard fans of Teri Weigel, since she spends a lot of time naked. The second group being all of those in the industry who are looking to become directors and/or producers, since this is probably one of the better examples of what NOT to do.