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Three Cheers For B J U

Three Cheers For B J U

Studio: VCX
Category:  Classic
Starring: , , , , , ,
Released on: 
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jayo's ratings for Three Cheers For B J U:
Overall Rating 0 stars
Three Cheers For B J U overall rating 1/2 star
Female Looks Three Cheers For B J U Female looks rating 1 star
Male Looks Three Cheers For B J U Male looks rating 2 stars
Sex Three Cheers For B J U Sex rating 2.5 stars
Plot/Acting Three Cheers For B J U Plot/Acting rating 1/2 star
Extras Three Cheers For B J U DVD Extras rating 2.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Three Cheers For B J U A/V Quality rating 1/2 star
Rating Scale
Reviewed by jayo  on  12/30/2011

Three Cheers for B.J.U.

Studio: VCX

Stars: Kitty, Linda Lovewhip, Michelle, Sharon Thorpe, Sherry, Suzzette

Running time: 53 minutes 45 seconds (feature)
45 minutes (bonuses)

This may be the crappiest "feature" I've ever seen. It's not epically awful, just dismally so.

This is one of the few where I actually watched enough to figure out the story: three broke call girls answer an ad to learn how to give master blow-jobs, which supposedly will pay off in their careers. So they meet Linda Lovewhip, who runs a sex university for whores: tuition is that the grads turn 10 tricks each for her.

Fair enough--most porn movies aren't Tennissee Williams plays with skin. But I just cannot figure this one out: either several reels are missing (which would also explain why it's less than an hour long), or it was made by people who were stoned at the time and it looked great to them. Likely some of both.

The story starts out with four call-girls hanging out. Two are idley chatting while one lazily fucks herself with a Coke bottle (luckily it's a screw-top). Another is reading a magazine and eating Alpo dog food. They finally flip through a newspaper and see the ad for the blow-job university.

Now we're at the class. The professor says to learn to suck cock, you have to learn to suck pussy, so there's a big gang-lesbian bang. Then she decides it's time to get on with cocksucking, so she runs a film of an orgy featuring cock sucking. Then finally we're back for hands-on experience, and another cock-sucking orgy ensues.

There is actually more than just cock sucking, but that's the main thrust of the flick.

Special features: Production Values: suck deep throat. In fairness to VCX, the original film looks like it was shot on 8mm with film stock left over from World War II gun cameras. The sound is murky and the circa 1973 porno music is awful. It starts and ends abruptly, it's badly edited, badly acted, and about the only thing going for it is that it's a snapshot to a world we've thankfully moved far away from, the early 70s. You're not only in the era of muffs as heavy as a St Bernard's winter coat, there are few people here whose droopy, saggy bodies would make it in modern pornos.

There are a couple little bits that are fun. At the beginning, Sharon Thorpe took time out from eating dog food to pick up the phone and take a call from a John who offered her $30 to pee in her mouth. She was outraged. "$30??? For $30 you can't afford to have a fetish!"

Four bonus scenes from other VCX titles: Sore Throat, Reflections, On White Satin and Nasty Lady. All of them happen to feature Paul Thomas. Nobody's credited so if you want to know who that hot actress is, you'll have to ask here. Scenes vary in all sorts of ways--some are long (around 15 mintues), one is short (about 5 and the girl never takes her top off). All of them are better than the feature in every possible way. In fact, the four extras really the only reason to buy this thing.

There are also trailers for four movies I've never heard of: Little Girls Blue, Pink Champagne, Making It Big and The Untamed.

Final verdict: it's crap. Unless you specifically want to see this thing because you already know about it, save your money and get something— anything— else.

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The opinions expressed in this review of Three Cheers For B J U from VCX are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.