The first pornographic review I’ll ever write is for a cheeky little film by the name of Teenage Hustler. The film is based around the antics of a young sex maniac by the name of English Billy who always puts women first and often gets into trouble as a result. Teenage Hustler is a light-hearted romp that will most likely keep its audience smiling, but at the same time the movie as several flaws that cannot be ignored and keep it from being a legendary masterpiece.
The film opens with a female narrator with an English accent setting the scene in Hollywood, California.
“No matter their reasons for coming to Hollywood, they come, and come, and come.” one of my favorite opening lines from a film. While the narrator describes the setting and the main character (English Billy) we are treated to a catchy song played on horns and random pictures of Hollywood during the sixties, its an interesting beginning that certainly made me smile knowing I’d soon be seeing some hardcore fucking coming up.
Soon the credits role as it happens we are treated to a hilarious scene without any dialog of a girl telling English Billy to wear a condom and seeing him not looking too happy about it. Nevertheless, English puts the condom on and the girl rides him for the duration, but for some reason has a very hard time keeping his dick inside herself. My already glowing smile increased tenfold at the frivolousness of this scene.
The scene is hot and comical, but it is quite short and I feel that it should have been longer or at least they should have used a different girl for this scene seeing as this girl is quite attractive and apparently the only female in the movie willing to take it up the butt. I almost felt cheated after I finished the movie that this girl didn’t get more of a showcase considering what happens later on.
The plot of Teenage Hustler makes little to no sense but at least the movie points that out itself near the ending. It involves English Billy about to be evicted from his apartment and attempting to come up with a plan to get some cash fast. English’s plan involves calling up some young hookers to come over and have sex with him while his friend Rufus takes photos. Later, the two of them would use the photos to blackmail the hookers into handing over their money (why would a hooker care if people know she has sex?)
Normally Rufus is a standup guy and is honest and straight with ever person he meets, but for some reason he goes along with English Billy’s plan and agrees to take the photos. It should be noted that Rufus takes erotic photos for a living and that English Billy promises him that he’ll send the hookers to ball Rufus when he is done with them.
SCENE FOR SCENE
The first girl English calls over is named Mary who is playing the role of a girl hooking for the first time, she does a delightful job of playing the naive and nervous girl. I loved when English Billy asked her how much she wanted and she remarked: “Umm, I don’t know.” Mary is also a pretty attractive girl except she has these huge nipples that are almost distracting to the eye as they take up almost all of her breast.
The sex in this scene is quite good. Mary does a great job of not over acting and screaming her head off like most porn girls will do. She moans softly and breaths heavily like in actual sex making the scene much more real. Mary is also skilled at deep throating which I found pretty hot and she does this thing where she massages English’s balls while he fucks her that is just to die for. Over all it is a very arousing scene which is a damn good thing because after this scene is over YOU WILL NOT SEE ENGLISH BILLY’S PENIS ENTER ANOTHER GIRL. That’s right, apparently English Billy isn’t the kind of guy who can get it up enough to fuck all the hookers he is planning to blackmail in a day.
The next scene tries to supply the opposite of Mary by having a veteran and very professional hooker by the name of Vicki as English Billy’s next target. Vicki comes in stating immediately what her price is and all of her requirements and English makes a fairly funny comment about how she must be union.
While Vicki and English work out their agreements, we are treated to cut scenes of Rufus and Mary getting it on as English Billy told her when he finished with her to go fuck his friend in the bed room as he promised. It is a good thing this goes on because you will not once see English Billy penetrate Vicki in this scene. In fact, you don’t even get a good view of Vicki’s vagina at all. Vicki she kind of sits on top of English without the viewers seeing anything like in a softcore porn style, which I must say was very disappointing.
The final hooker English Billy calls over is an old friend of his called Trixie. Trixie is a small and petite hooker with long hair and knee high boots that both English and I find very arousing. At least this time around you actually get a good view of the female anatomy when English Billy eats her out, but yet again no decent view of penetration. Trixie screams and yells very loud when the pleasure takes place which is probably the worst acting in the whole movie.
Long story short Trixie is the one to foil English Billy’s plans when she catches a glimpse of Rufus taking her picture while she was riding English in the movie’s soft-core position. Trixie understandably becomes quite angry when English tells her he was planning to blackmail her with the photos and proceeds to kick him in the balls and storms out of the room with fifty dollars. With that English Billy’s plan failed and he ended up getting evicted from his apartment. Teenage Hustler does not have an unhappy ending however, English Billy goes back to work as a model and gets the money together to get another place to live. English Billy’s modeling job involves him getting hard again finally and ejaculating into an Asian girl’s mouth while Rufus takes the pictures.
English Billy sets off with his money to get his new apartment when the female narrator chimes back in to tell us more about what is going to happen. She remarks the English Billy actually does find a place instead of spending his money on girls and soon gets tangled up with a sex triangle with his oversexed landlady and her equally oversexed teenage daughter. I was looking forward to see some of these exploits, but much to my disappointment instead of seeing this happening all I was treated to was the words: “THE END” appearing on the screen.
You’d think the movie would end when it says the end, but much to my surprise after the end was stated we are treated to a bizarre and random orgy scene containing none of the actors or actresses from the movie and seems to have nothing to do with anything whatsoever. I find this orgy scene very hot however and it is probably my favorite part of the entire film. It almost makes up for the fact that the entire length of Teenage Hustler is under 70 minutes long.
The sound quality is adequate enough, it is easy to hear every spoken line and laugh at the hilarity of English Billy’s wit. The music in Teenage Hustler is absolutely stunning, probably the best soundtrack in any genera of movie that I have ever heard. The music is kind of a cross between big band /orchestral and 60s hippie freak out music. You really have to hear the music to understand how truly wonderful it is. If there was ever a soundtrack made for Teenage Hustler I would pay an unlimited amount of money for my copy.
The picture of Teenage Hustler is so bad that anyone watching it will notice it right away. The screen is so grainy that it actually looks pixilated or something. You can constantly see lines, black spots and other distortions through every single second of the film. The movie is pretty old so I won’t be too hard on it, but the poor quality is definitely noticeable and worth mention at least once in any review of the movie.
Teenage Hustler is more about making its audience smile than getting them off. There are certainly scenes that are hot and worth jerking off to, but in general the movie seems to have a hard time deciding whether or not it wants to be a hardcore masterpiece or a softcore flop. It is also a short film even for porno standards, so basically you get 30 minutes of comedy and hot fucking and 30 minutes of fluff.
This film is worth seeing at least once in your lifetime whether you are a porn afficionado or if you only life to jerk off when your wife is on the rag. It has a great balance of comedy and wit that many pornos cannot compare to. The scenes where there is actual sex going on are quite good and arousing and there isn’t a girl in the movie that I would label ugly.
Teenage Hustler has its problems as all pornos do, but I am personally thankful for the day that I saw it in the bargain bin and decided to take it home with me. Its lighthearted nature and feel good demeanor are something that you don’t often seen in porno these days. Teenage Hustler made me smile and got me off which is more than I can say for most of the women in my life. If you haven’t left to go rent or buy this film already I don’t know what is wrong with you or how I can convince you further.