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Studio: Ultimate
Category:  Straight
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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DeathIncarnate's ratings for Tattoo:
Overall Rating 2.5 stars
Tattoo overall rating 2.5 stars
Female Looks Tattoo Female looks rating 3 stars
Male Looks Tattoo Male looks rating 2 stars
Sex Tattoo Sex rating 2.5 stars
Plot/Acting Tattoo Plot/Acting rating 2.5 stars
Extras Tattoo DVD Extras rating 1/2 star
Audio/Video Quality Tattoo A/V Quality rating 2 stars
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Reviewed by DeathIncarnate  on  9/4/2000
Directed by Rick Blaine

Starring Ariana, Chloe, John Decker, Herschel Savage et al.

Review :

'Tattoo' is definitely the best of the batch of DVDs I have reviewed in the last week or so.. not only is it shot on film, but the overall quality of the production (special effects, acting, sets etc.) is, if not spectacular, at least above average. Certainly for porn standards.. A shame then that Adam & Eve mess it up with such a shitty DVD version : Absolutely NO extras except for a chapter listing, and very bad sound and video quality do not exactly draw customers, people!

The credits sequence is rather nicely done with a flyer being carried around by the wind and flying through the door of a tattoo parlor. Apparently, a carny is coming to town and a mysterious tattoo lady, Minerva by name, is supposed to be the star of the show. We then meet the owner of the parlor, played by John Decker (his character is imaginatively named Jon..) who is drilling a painting into Chloe's skin.

Horny as ever, Chloe doesn't seem to get enough of Decker and after the tattoo session is over she comes on to him, an offer he actually refuses first time around! We eventually DO get a sex scene though, and after a certain amount of undressing and nipple- sucking, Chloe gets down to business. There's a long oral segment here, with a standing 69 position included for good measure, after which Decker slides his cock in her enchilada. I can't help but grin at Chloe's 'earth-shaking' expressions during sex, this scene is just as funny as every other with her in it. After the obligatory anal bit, Decker shoots on her belly. Definitely a long scene, and not half-bad either..

John makes his trip to the carnival (he did find the flyer in his store), where Herschel Savage delivers an introductory speech before Minerva (Ariana) enters the scene. The make-up artists did a pretty good job on this lady, her entire body being filled with imaginative little paintings.

After a few minutes of dancing around, one of the tattoos actually starts to come alive (nice FX work here) ! It beckons to a guy in the crowd (Frank Towers) to come and fight.. and suddenly he finds himself in a medieval scene, with a small castle in front of him. Enough to make anyone's day, really.. Angelica Sin plays the amazon warrior who indulges in a bit of swordfighting with our poor hombre, and then swallows an entirely different kind of sword after he defeats her. Yep, his prize for winning the duel is Angelica herself. She's a really nice woman, with a beautiful face and body to boot, and a hotter sexual performer than I expected. Though this scene is nothing special, Ms. Sin does add some stroke value to the whole thing. When the sex is over, Towers is immediately transported back to reality, and Angelica turns into a tattoo again..

We then have the same routine for the second time, with a sumptuous Greek Goddess ('Charlie' as she's called in the credits, though I have seen her before..) inviting blonde 'Kiss' into her realm. OK set design here, though the interesting part has both women predictably going at it on the luxurious bed. While I'm not a fan of dumb-blond-style Kiss, her body is really nice and she gives us a nice bit of writhing and moaning as Charlie munches on her clit. After her (probable) orgasm, it's time for the Goddess to be pleasured, and our earthly babe does so by fucking her with a fat dildo. Actually, I don't like toys in lez scenes, and I hoped fpr some more pussy-eating but you can't have everything I guess..

Now it's time for carnival barker Herschel Savage himself to be drawn into the netherworld, and he finds himself in a jungle setting with French beauty Emily waiting to be rescued from the giant ape that holds her prisoner. I kept hoping for the gorilla to join in but you never see him (so no bad man-in-a-suit scene here, sorry). The sex scene is a rundown of the tested oral, missionary, cowgirl, pop shot formula, but with a hot woman such as this one you can't really complain. Note that there has been no facial up until now..

The monkey finally does manifest itself as we see its giant shadow in a bit that's (intentionally?) funny as Emily hollers (note the accent) : "You have-eh my body, but-eh you'll never have my heart-eh, you giant APE! " By now Herschel is back where he belongs, and it is time for the final illusion.

Ugly Dick Nasty (do we HAVE to see such people performing sex?) is transported into a dominatrix's den along with young Alyssa Allure. The following verbally and physically S/M-tinged scene is definitely not couple's material! Allure (who's an even bigger screamer than Chloe.. I really laughed my ass off) and Nasty both go down on mistress Porsche Lynn, then the 2 women swallow some meat. On the bed, Nasty and Allure have sex in the cowgirl position while Lynn introduces a dildo in side the guy's ass. The whole thing looks a bit like "87 and still banging" to me and didn't exactly get my rocks off.. A semi-DP (does simultaneous dildo and dick penetration count?) rounds the scene off and finally Alyssa takes most of the cum into her mouth as she sucks Nasty off. Not my type of scene, in any case..

As a twist, Nasty has to STAY with Porsche Lynn for all eternity, and he is integrated into the tattoo. Bad luck, I guess.. If you look closely, you can spot Allysin Chaynes as the girlie-girl who was with Dick Nasty at the carnival. She's the one with the cute dog!

[A quick mention: the FX are definitely better than the usual fake stuff you see in porn. Though they may not be perfect, there's a lot of detail work involved.. for instance, you see a tear running down Emily's cheek as she is transformed back into a tattoo, captured in the gorilla's arms. All the animations of the pictures coming to life have some kind of neat touch, such as the flames raging around Lynn's dominatrix figure as she cracks her whip.. ]

Anyway, the show is over now, but Decker makes his way through to Minerva's mysterious room where they eventually have sex in a somewhat boring scene (maybe I just don't like Ariana very much), where one can at least study the illustrations on her body in detail.. I don't want to spoil the ending, but let me just say that there's some FX work involved again. A nice conclusion to a pretty good picture!

The DVD :

As I said already, the picture quality is shitty, there's an intermittent flickering in the top 5th of the screen that definitely destroys some of the viewing pleasure, and if you hit the pause button, you can see that the bit rate's obviously not very high, since the still image is vibrating all the time..

The audio is very bad too, often you can't even hear what's being said; and the music's not great anyway.

The (two) menus are boringly designed, and there aren't even any previews of other releases. Shame, shame.. On the whole, I don't think I can recommend this one.. while the feature itself is not bad (though not every scene is a winner), I would say, rent this one and leave it at that..

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