Directed by Rick Blaine
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The opinions expressed in this review of Tattoo from Ultimate are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.
Starring Ariana, Chloe, John Decker, Herschel
Savage et al.
'Tattoo' is definitely the best of the batch of
DVDs I have reviewed in the last week or so.. not
only is it shot on film, but the overall quality
of the production (special effects, acting, sets
etc.) is, if not spectacular, at least above
average. Certainly for porn standards..
A shame then that Adam & Eve mess it up with such
a shitty DVD version :
Absolutely NO extras except for a chapter
listing, and very bad sound and video quality do
not exactly draw customers, people!
The credits sequence is rather nicely done with a
flyer being carried around by the wind and flying
through the door of a tattoo parlor.
Apparently, a carny is coming to town and a
mysterious tattoo lady, Minerva by name, is
supposed to be the star of the show.
We then meet the owner of the parlor, played by
John Decker (his character is imaginatively named
Jon..) who is drilling a painting into Chloe's
Horny as ever, Chloe doesn't seem to get enough
of Decker and after the tattoo session is over
she comes on to him, an offer he actually refuses
first time around!
We eventually DO get a sex scene though, and
after a certain amount of undressing and nipple-
sucking, Chloe gets down to business. There's a
long oral segment here, with a standing 69
position included for good measure, after which
Decker slides his cock in her enchilada.
I can't help but grin at Chloe's 'earth-shaking'
expressions during sex, this scene is just as
funny as every other with her in it. After the
obligatory anal bit, Decker shoots on her belly.
Definitely a long scene, and not half-bad either..
John makes his trip to the carnival (he did find
the flyer in his store), where Herschel Savage
delivers an introductory speech before Minerva
(Ariana) enters the scene.
The make-up artists did a pretty good job on this
lady, her entire body being filled with
imaginative little paintings.
After a few minutes of dancing around, one of the
tattoos actually starts to come alive (nice FX
work here) !
It beckons to a guy in the crowd (Frank Towers)
to come and fight.. and suddenly he finds himself
in a medieval scene, with a small castle in front
of him. Enough to make anyone's day, really..
Angelica Sin plays the amazon warrior who
indulges in a bit of swordfighting with our poor
hombre, and then swallows an entirely different
kind of sword after he defeats her.
Yep, his prize for winning the duel is Angelica
herself. She's a really nice woman, with a
beautiful face and body to boot, and a hotter
sexual performer than I expected.
Though this scene is nothing special, Ms. Sin
does add some stroke value to the whole thing.
When the sex is over, Towers is immediately
transported back to reality, and Angelica turns
into a tattoo again..
We then have the same routine for the second
time, with a sumptuous Greek Goddess ('Charlie'
as she's called in the credits, though I have
seen her before..) inviting blonde 'Kiss' into
her realm. OK set design here, though the
interesting part has both women predictably going
at it on the luxurious bed. While I'm not a fan
of dumb-blond-style Kiss, her body is really nice
and she gives us a nice bit of writhing and
moaning as Charlie munches on her clit.
After her (probable) orgasm, it's time for the
Goddess to be pleasured, and our earthly babe
does so by fucking her with a fat dildo.
Actually, I don't like toys in lez scenes, and I
hoped fpr some more pussy-eating but you can't
have everything I guess..
Now it's time for carnival barker Herschel Savage
himself to be drawn into the netherworld, and he
finds himself in a jungle setting with French
beauty Emily waiting to be rescued from the giant
ape that holds her prisoner. I kept hoping for
the gorilla to join in but you never see him (so
no bad man-in-a-suit scene here, sorry).
The sex scene is a rundown of the tested oral,
missionary, cowgirl, pop shot formula, but with a
hot woman such as this one you can't really
complain. Note that there has been no facial up
The monkey finally does manifest itself as we see
its giant shadow in a bit that's (intentionally?)
funny as Emily hollers (note the accent) : "You
have-eh my body, but-eh you'll never have my
heart-eh, you giant APE! "
By now Herschel is back where he belongs, and it
is time for the final illusion.
Ugly Dick Nasty (do we HAVE to see such people
performing sex?) is transported into a
dominatrix's den along with young Alyssa Allure.
The following verbally and physically S/M-tinged
scene is definitely not couple's material!
Allure (who's an even bigger screamer than
Chloe.. I really laughed my ass off) and Nasty
both go down on mistress Porsche Lynn, then the 2
women swallow some meat.
On the bed, Nasty and Allure have sex in the
cowgirl position while Lynn introduces a dildo in
side the guy's ass. The whole thing looks a bit
like "87 and still banging" to me and didn't
exactly get my rocks off..
A semi-DP (does simultaneous dildo and dick
penetration count?) rounds the scene off and
finally Alyssa takes most of the cum into her
mouth as she sucks Nasty off.
Not my type of scene, in any case..
As a twist, Nasty has to STAY with Porsche Lynn
for all eternity, and he is integrated into the
tattoo. Bad luck, I guess..
If you look closely, you can spot Allysin Chaynes
as the girlie-girl who was with Dick Nasty at the
carnival. She's the one with the cute dog!
[A quick mention: the FX are definitely better
than the usual fake stuff you see in porn.
Though they may not be perfect, there's a lot of
detail work involved.. for instance, you see a
tear running down Emily's cheek as she is
transformed back into a tattoo, captured in the
gorilla's arms. All the animations of the
pictures coming to life have some kind of neat
touch, such as the flames raging around Lynn's
dominatrix figure as she cracks her whip.. ]
Anyway, the show is over now, but Decker makes
his way through to Minerva's mysterious room
where they eventually have sex in a somewhat
boring scene (maybe I just don't like Ariana very
much), where one can at least study the
illustrations on her body in detail..
I don't want to spoil the ending, but let me just
say that there's some FX work involved again.
A nice conclusion to a pretty good picture!
The DVD :
As I said already, the picture quality is shitty,
there's an intermittent flickering in the top
5th of the screen that definitely destroys some
of the viewing pleasure, and if you hit the pause
button, you can see that the bit rate's obviously
not very high, since the still image is vibrating
all the time..
The audio is very bad too, often you can't even
hear what's being said; and the music's not great
The (two) menus are boringly designed, and there
aren't even any previews of other releases.
On the whole, I don't think I can recommend this
one.. while the feature itself is not bad (though
not every scene is a winner), I would say, rent
this one and leave it at that..