The Plot: One thing you can always count on with Vivid, you’re going to have a plot. So what if “Sweet Revenge” isn’t exactly an original name for a film? Who cares if the “jilted girlfriend gets even” plot theme has been done before? Who cares if the set-up for the sex scenes is about as original as the backbeat in a Vanilla Ice song?
Okay, I do. But I’m weird. I actually like some plot in my porn. I also like vinegar on my french fries. Cope.
Our story begins with Michael and Lorna (Steven St. Croix and Mia Ciccero) having sex. Wow, what an original way to start a porn movie. Anyhow, after making the beast with two backs (and four legs, two hands and a face biting the pillow), the phone rings. What is this? Could our intrepid male lead be cheating on his girlfriend? Could that be her on the phone, inquiring of her friend for the whereabouts of her boyfriend? Noooooooo… That would be too obvious! The phone caller is indeed Michael’s girlfriend Jenny (Melissa Hill) on the phone, wondering where her boyfriend is at such a late hour. (I know… I am as shocked as you are. Who would have thought?) After not getting an answer from Lorna (go figure), she calls an emergency meeting of the underwear club to discuss her predicament. Having determined that her boyfriend is a cheating scumbag, they make Jenny feel better by having a four way lesbian lick party. Hey, that always boosts my spirits. While basking in the post-orgy afterglow, they decide upon a plan to get revenge. The Insidious Plan of Evil ™ is divided into three phases: Take the car, take the job, and take the girlfriend away from Michael. Phase one of Operation Ovaries consists of one member of the Sluts’ Sewing Circle distracting the victim while Jenny and accomplice steal his car. Hmm… how would a beautiful woman distract a hormone-crazed slimeball long enough for his car to be disposed of? Right, she fucks him silly. Wow, anything for a friend, huh? I imagine this stage of the planning session went like this:
"Okay, we need to distract my boyfriend. Who wants to have wild and kinky sex with him
while I punish him for sleeping around?"
"I will! I’ll get rammed from behind by your boyfriend’s super schlong while you’re away. Dirty bastard shouldn’t be cheating on his girlfriend like that!"
Phase two consists of two other members (Sahara Sands and Kaitlyn Ashley) of the Estrogen Conspiracy launching themselves into the arms of Michael and a co-worker during business hours. Naturally, all good things have a down side, and the down side to having two women to screw at the office is… um… uh, wait a minute, I’ll remember in a bit… Oh yeah! Someone is taking pictures of them, and will slip the pictures into the visual aids passed out at a meeting with his clients. Naturally, he’ll get fired after the boss sees him having sex during business hours. Once again, I don’t quite understand the logic here. How do you convince your friends to do this for you?
"Okay, we now need to get pictures of him screwing someone else. Any volunteers to sit
on my boyfriend’s inordinately large penis and have photographic evidence of your coupling
copied at the local 1 hour developers?"
"I’ll do it! I don’t have a future in politics, anyway."
"Thanks! Better take Kaitlyn with you, he might have a friend with him in the office. If not, you can double-team him. If there is more than three people, call for reinforcements."
Phase Three is to give him one last goodbye fuck and then kick him out of the house. You know, for a revenge scheme, it seems to require the victim getting laid a lot. Let this be a lesson to you guys out there: If you are getting a lot of sex, someone is trying to punish you. No, that can't be right...
"Wow, Jenny! You convinced three of your best friends to screw your boyfriend in an
elaborate revenge scheme! Why did you do it?"
"He was having too much sex with other women."
The Cast: We have some of the Vivid old school in this one. Our featured actress is Melissa Hill with the rest of the cast rounded out (some are very rounded) with Madelyn Knight, Kaitlyn Ashley, Sahara Sands, and Mia Ciccero. Frankly, Vivid has done such an awful job of the box cover, promotional material and credits, that I had no idea who was who in this film. After diligent research on the WWW, I have found out a couple things. 1) The redhead is Melissa Hill, and 2) The brunette is Madelyn Knight. Everyone else is severely blonde. The guys are Steven St. Croix, and Bobby Vitale. I personally don’t like Mr. Vitale all that much, he reminds me of the greasy club owner from Boogie Nights. Steven St. Croix pulls out a good performance of the oversexed slimeball boyfriend. The various ladies pull in a decent performance for porn, which means it is roughly equivalent to the acting you would see in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (which did not have nearly as bad acting as it did a name). What the women don’t display in natural acting (or natural breasts, for that matter), they make up for in looks. Vivid has always had some good lookers in its lineup, and these ladies are no exception. Melissa Hill is a real beauty with long red hair that just flows in all the right ways, and Madelyn Knight is... wow, words are starting to fail me, here. Um... To say she is pretty is like saying tornados are a bit windy. There are a couple other good lookers here, but Vivid has assumed that I recognize these ladies by sight. Again. Dammit.
The Sex: We start our feature by jumping directly into Mia Ciccero (I think) and Steven St. Croix having sex on a bed. This is actually a very gentle scene, with lots of tenderness, caresses, and gentle movements for the first half or so. This is a good example of foreplay in porn, as nobody is rushing, everyone takes their time, and it looks like they’re having fun. As an interesting side note, this is the one and only scene that is completely devoid of background music. Frankly, I wish it had some. Once push comes to shove, it slides into a typical porno scene as we progress. By the time Mia is on her knees getting it from behind, it could be any other sex scene. There are a couple good pull-out-and-penetrate moves, but even this is not enough to save the scene. It is a pretty inconsistent scene, as some parts show what looks like genuine tenderness between the actors, while in other parts of the scene Stevie just latches on and pumps away like he’s found oil. Don’t even think about comparing the cumshot, because I’ll tell you right now, Stevie apparently has a dry-fire. Not a thing flies, splatters or even drips. And they started so well…
Quick note: I have come to the conclusion that Stevie’s strength of splooge is in direct correlation to my attraction to the actress. I didn’t think much of Mia’s overinflated chest, and apparently neither did Mr. St. Croix.
Vivid occasionally knows a good thing when it sees it. In this case, it sees four beautiful women who can do push-ups with their tongues. What would you do with a talent pool like this? Right, you’d have them take of their clothes, throw on some boogie music and roll film. Kaitlyn Ashley, Melissa Hill, Madelyn Knight and Sahara Sands all get down and dirty on the living room floor. So this is what you ladies do when you go over to your friends’ house to talk about girl stuff! This is a really hot scene, and I can tell you right now that Madelyn Knight and Melissa Hill horizontal and superimposed is one of the finer images available to pornkind. Everyone’s having fun, everyone looks good, and the tongues are creating all sorts of magic. Throw in a plastic dildo with a fringe on it and you get more than you bargained for. I think the fringe is braille for "you're gonna lose it in there if you go past this point," but I’m not sure. Excellent scene, ladies.
Having embarked on their course of action to royally screw up Stevie’s life, they put their plan into action by stealing his car. Apparently, Stevie is extremely fond of his car. Frankly, Volkswagen sedans don’t impress me, but to each his own. Madelyn Knight impresses me. I’m a sucker for brunettes, but this woman is gorgeous! She moves with a quiet sensuality as well. Yep, she definitely falls into the small but select group of beautiful women that will be invited by my minions to join me on my secluded tropical island, where I can keep a harem undisturbed. (I would mention the others on the list, but some of them read my reviews and I want it to be a surprise) Needless to say, her crowning achievement in this movie is her scene with Steven St. Croix. Alas, it really could have been handled better. There are some very annoying parts to this scene. While she and Stevie are in the middle of something that is good (namely, it shows Madelyn’s tight and smooth body) the director cuts to Melissa stealing the car, and the various people who come by and debate whether or not to take it for a joy ride. The humor is actually there and it works well from a humor perspective, but it works at the expense of the sexual momentum. On the plus side, every time we cut back to Madelyn and Steven, we see him penetrating her in a new position. There are some very good images in this scene, and if it had been handled a bit differently, it would have been a scorcher.
Once again, the ancient muse of inspiration is whirling in its grave every time this disc runs through my DVD player. In order to punish Mr. Bad Man for fucking around behind his girlfriend’s back, they’re going to try and get him to fuck around behind his girlfriend’s back. This makes about as much sense as trying to help a heroin addict by getting them hooked on crack cocaine. Okay, the plot setup is stupid, but the actual scene isn’t too bad. Sahara Sands and Kaitlyn Ashley take on Steven St. Croix and his coworker Bobby Vitale. Contrary to my expectations, there was no swapping partners for this scene at all. There is the usual exchange of oral sex and then we get down to intercourse. Kaitlyn gives a very good blowjob, and Sahara is nothing to sneeze at, either. Bobby and Sahara take the couch while Steven and Kaitlyn go at it on the desk. There are some memorable images here, namely Kaitlyn bent over the desk looking back at Steven pounding away. Sahara looks very good on her back on the sofa and thrashing around at the end of Bobby’s tool. Overall, this was a reasonably good scene. It was certainly better than the first one on this disc.
Last, but not least, Steven St. Croix and Melissa Hill finally hook up as boyfriend and girlfriend. After losing the job, losing the car, and generally being in a miserable state of mind, he gets to have sex with his girlfriend. Well, sex would certainly improve my mood, especially sex with Melissa. She gives a great looking blowjob and brings an enthusiasm to this work that is a pleasant surprise from some of Vivid’s other performers (*cough* Lexus*cough*). She almost bounces with enthusiasm in some places. These two work well together, and the scene is definitely a good one. Yet… there wasn’t much to make it stand out in any real way from the hundreds of other scenes that I’ve watched from various studios. It was a good scene, with a truly impressive cumshot, yet there wasn’t much to push it over the boundary into “really good”, “very good”, or “better than average”. Melissa Hill is “better than average” (Understatement. Definitely understatement), but the scene as a whole was not. On the plus side, my theory about Steven’s liquid load levels is given strong supporting evidence by his performance for the pop shot. He manages to hit her upper lip when shooting from her navel. Now that is accuracy.
All in all, it’s a pretty typical Vivid movie. The sex is good, but not great.
The Audio / Image: Technically, the audio isn’t too bad. The dialog is never hidden by the music or other noises, and you don’t have to turn it up & down to keep from blasting your eardrums. And yes, you can hear the background music with absolute precision, which is like saying there is nothing to distract you from that man pulling your fingernails out with a pair of pliers. I think whoever picked the music out was on a business trip in Japan and got stuck in an elevator for six hours. After having to listen to oriental Muzak, he decided to share his pain with us and brought the music back with him. On the way, he stopped by a dingy record store in South Africa and picked up a CD called “The New Kids on the Block Sing African Folk Songs.”Who selects this stuff?
Ugh! If anyone ever wants a disc to demonstrate grain, this is the one to do it. It is terrible! It looks like those old Kodak Disc cameras, if they could shoot video. Artifacts abound, especially in complex patterns in the backgrounds. There was a brief period during the lesbian orgy where the colors just went very warm for a few minutes, and you could see numerous flecks and occasional threads that had somehow gotten duplicated onto the DVD.
The Extras: Once again, this is a Vivid production, which means you are going to find more extras than you know what to do with. Actually, sometimes I think Vivid doesn’t know what to do with them, either. This disc is similar to much of Vivid’s other works. You will find bios of the Vivid girls (none of whom are in the movie you are watching), previews, an annoying VR interface, lots of little sex snippets, full motion chapter selection that is a pain to navigate, and the room with pictures hanging on the wall that Vivid calls the Interactive Sex Game. The previews are kind of interesting, but that’s about it.
The Good: Madelyn Knight and Melissa Hill: Always a treasure, and this time together! The acting wasn’t bad, either.
The Bad: Weak plot, image problems, tired extras and some of the most obnoxious background music I’ve heard yet.
Overall: Rent it, but don’t buy it. It’s a good choice if you want to watch something new and you’ve exhausted your existing porn collection.