Stuffin‘ Young Muffins ****
2004, 2 hours
Directed by Tyrone Shuz and Jonni Darko
Starring Brooke Milano, Holly Day, Kylie Rey, Cherry Poppens, Kimberly Kane, Manuel Ferrara, Steve Hooper, Mick Blue, Mr. Pete, Mark Ashley, Steve Holmes, Ben English
More often than not I find myself laughing out loud at the more absurd titles of adult video. I’m sure you do, too. Over the years, we’ve all seen some winners. Sometimes they’re intentionally funny, other times unintentional. Some even have names that make you cringe. But one thing they all share is that they’re definitely unique. Coming across this title in my stash made me think I was being set up to eventually be snared in some child pornography ring. I mean, come on…if you were on AIM or ICQ one night and someone randomly instant messaged you asking if you wanted to “stuff” her “young muffin” you’d think long and hard before replying, right? Well, if New Sensations and Tyrone Shuz shoved this flick in my mailbox in order to tempt me, dammit, they’ve got me. I surrender, guys. Take me away. Take a gander at that cast list again. Go ahead. Now tell me you wouldn’t let them haul you off in the paddy wagon for the opportunity to see this “hot lineup of fuckable teens” do their thing. That’s what I thought. But if you wouldn’t, at least you can read a description of what you’re missing:
Kimberly Kane (not to be confused with the other enhanced one aka Debbie Foley who was active 1985-1991) is a lanky looker with sleepy bedroom eyes, dirty blonde hair and medium-sized natural breasts. She turns the corner of a building outside adorned in a black fishnet outfit and starts tweaking her pierced nipples, which protrude quite a bit past her mesh top. She’s also wearing a leather dog collar of some sort with tiny chains running around it and an awesome matching g-string. She teases us for a minute or two and then has a seat where she takes both Manuel Ferrara and Steve Hooper‘s pipes into her pouty mouth. I‘m struggling to think of a person to compare Kane to, but honestly I can‘t. I‘m actually at a loss for words right now. Just know that she is hot, I know I definitely want to see more of her and she‘s only been onscreen for just over five minutes now.
Manuel goes behind Kane to taste her pussy and ass first and then lies her down to spoon her while she continues to blow Hooper. You know, for me at least, the best part of sex isn’t the orgasm; it’s seeing the facial expression of the woman you’re with and the sound she makes when you first slide your cock in her. And as those “insertion indicators” go, I’d have to rank Kimberly’s in my top ten and I’ve never slept with her. “Put it inside me, give it to me,” she begs Ferrara through clenched teeth and when he does, she slowly turns ever so slightly from Hooper’s dick, never completely diverting her attention from it or refusing it the proper attention, and gives Ferrara the sexiest look out of the corner of her eyes; a look that could melt a fuckin’ glacier, I promise you. Then she goes back to work on Hooper, sucking him as if she were a newborn and his cock were her very favorite pacifier. As the scene progresses, more and more of Kane’s fishnet outfit is ripped away until she’s left with nothing. Yes, the guys literally tear her apart. Kimberly lies back with her legs wide open and directs the guys to spooge right into her open mouth. Ferrara unloads his uncut hunk onto the corner of her grill first and then Hooper rifles a shot over head and then finishes up on her face. Kimberly lovingly suckles both cocks as the scene comes to a close. No double penetration or anal to speak of here, but who needed it? If you haven’t seen Kane yet, I’d suggest that you go out of your way to because (along with Kayla Marie) this is one of the few new girls this year who has commanded my attention and captured my imagination in my very first viewing. Catch her on the cover of Platinum X’s “Fresh New Faces 4.” *** ½
Brooke (Me Luv U Long Time 5) I‘ve seen quite a few times. In fact, I‘d wager I‘ve seen her every appearance, starting with her very first one late last year. It‘s been an interesting ride watching her mature in front of the camera. She‘s shaken that initial camera shyness and become more comfortable and dare I say enthusiastic onscreen. Today, she‘s paired with Mick Blue, who quickly undresses her completely and pays special attention to her firm young ass. Brooke returns the favor, dropping to her knees, throwing Blue‘s dick to the back of her throat while she rubs her pussy and squeezes her breasts. She’s come such a long way in such a short time, Brooke has. I remember when she looked like she had no idea what do with a dick and here she is, all grown up, deepthroating Mick like she born to do it.
Mick lifts little Milano up onto his lap to penetrate her standing first and then decides a nearby sofa might be a better location for Brooke‘s boffing. This isn‘t the scared and shy little girl of about six months ago, believe me. Brooke‘s enjoying every minute of this fucking and it shows. She‘s moaning, she‘s making faces, and she‘s eyeing the camera. In reverse cowgirl, she parks her feet on Blue‘s upper thighs and spreads wide, making he has plenty of room to fill up that bald pussy of hers while she rocks on his prick and rubs her clit. I‘ve never been especially awed by any aspect of Milano‘s physical appearance but one has to admit, she looks amazing in nearly every position. On the floor, she lifts her ass high in the air and spread her cheeks far apart for Mick to pump away at up-and-over doggie. Equally awesome is when the two move to the spoon position, where Brooke licks her lips and lets her eyes roll back in her head to show her satisfaction. I don‘t think I‘ve EVER seen a chick with Brooke‘s body type manage to make spooning look like an event. It might have something to do with the fact that she‘s so tiny, Brooke looks like she‘s ALL PUSSY. You don‘t notice her arms, torso, legs or anything else, but when she spreads and gets fucked, her mound is like super-sized. She‘s got this huge gash that looks like it‘s just aching to be banged. Mick does just that in the piledriver position next before Brooke jerks a somewhat weak pop-shot off onto her lips. She lets Mick shoves his cum-covered cock into her mouth a few more times and gets the cum all over her face and lips to end it. ** *
Note to all directors: Cast Kylie Rey (Banana Cream Pie 2) more often. Please. In fact, I‘d line up all my surviving grandparents and my parents and smack them all like the Three Stooges if someone would pair her up with Kitty or Avena Lee. Here she‘s looking as cute as ever sucking off Mr. Pete and looking directly at the camera. Stop kissing her, Pete, she‘s busy looking at ME. When you need a young asian to play that young, innocent schoolgirl role, I honestly can‘t think of anyone at this point in time who does it better than Kylie. She does it so well I‘m feeling a little guilty watching Pete plug her as her pigtails pendulate. But not enough to stop watching. He lifts her knees to her chest and then puts one leg over his shoulder to give us a better view of the penetration. Rey‘s got a fat fuck bump just like Milano in the previous scene, but Kylie‘s pussy is pierced. She begs to taste Pete‘s dick as it comes out of her pussy before they move to fucking standing up in front of a mirror where Kylie was previously admiring herself. Kylie doesn‘t have much in the way of tits but what she does have shakes as Mr. Pete goes to town, her little nipples hardening more and more as she asks him to “tear that shit up.” Kylie wets Pete‘s cock with her own saliva again before moving to reverse cowgirl and then rocking herself back and forth on his lap cowgirl. “I‘ve been so bad…fuckin‘ spank me!” she says as Pete does her doggie, sticking his finger in her ass as he goes, the only time I‘ve ever seen anything in Kylie‘s pooper. Not that I‘m complaining. Face to the floor and ass to the ceiling, Kylie pleads for cum until Pete shoots some well-placed streams onto her forehead, eyelids and cheek. Pete makes her look in the mirror: “You‘re gonna wear that to school.” Kylie licks the mirror and then looks at us, licking the cum from her lips. She doesn‘t seem to mind one bit. ***
Holly Day, who I last (and first) saw in Big Wet Asses is playing with her tits and feeling herself up in front of a window just as Mark Ashley arrives on the scene to admire her ass, spread it apart and stick his fingers deep inside her pussy. He pulls her panties down around her thighs and sticks his tongue in her ass from behind then gets on his knees and buries his face in it completely. Day is quite the voluptuous and curvy strumpet, with curly light brown hair and a smile very much like Aida Turturro (Janice from “The Sopranos“). She has a great natural set of fun bags and sucks Ashley‘s dick like her life depended on it while she rubs her pussy. She tries several times (unsuccessfully) to deep throat his massive tool but her failures don‘t lessen her enthusiasm for the task. She keeps right on slobbing his knob, slapping it against her tits and even tit-fucking it briefly. Holly‘s got a little weight on her, but not enough to make her unappealing to watch; she‘s a tad to large for Victoria‘s Secret but nowhere near big enough for Lane Bryant, if you know what I‘m saying. She‘s a thick gal. Just as thick is the meat around her pussy, which we see when Ashley lies her back to rail away at her mish. What is with all the big, fat-ass pussies in this movie? You could rename this flick “Camel Toe: [insert witty tagline here]” and it‘d be just as accurate.
Holly bends over and takes Mark up the ass next, which I believe is this movie’s only anal. After a bit of anal doggie, Holly slowly slides Ashley back into her ass reverse cowgirl. Ashley pounds the crap out of her (well, not REAL crap but you know…) and Holly’s big floppy tits leap about in appreciation. Just when you think Holly’s about to get fucked into a coma, she starts fucking back, dropping her well-lubed asshole over Mark’s prick, giving just as good as she was getting. Day gets fucked just as furiously in her ass in the spoon position while Ashley holds her by the nape of her neck and she plucks at her pussy like a banjo. After a short missionary digging out of her dung ditch , Holly flicks her tongue all over the underside of Mark’s dick head until he drops a good amount of semen all over her chin and chest. Day polishes off his head and blows a kiss at the camera to end the scene. *** ½
You know, when people talk about girl-next-door types, you have to mention Cherry Poppens. How much more innocent, innocuous and inoffensive can one girl look? I hear conversations all the time about how so-and-so is too good looking to be in porn but Cherry is the type of chick who looks like never in a million years would you catch her in a porno. Why? Not because she looks like a model but because she doesn’t. She doesn’t look like anything. She looks like the sweet little girl who grew up down your block who just sorta disappeared into the background, never really spoke unless spoken to and never bothered anyone. She didn’t have any enemies, but she didn’t really have any friends, either. That said, poor little Cherry is going to have her hands full here today with Ben English and Steve Holmes. Good lord, what sick person decided on this casting? The little girl next door is about to get a rude awakening. I get the feeling we‘re about to witness a hardcore initiation/decimation. This is akin to watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer‘s Allyson Hannigan getting taken apart by Rocco and Nacho. It‘s just not FAIR.
Cherry sits on a large sofa/chair where English and Holmes just constantly bombard her mouth with big boners. She’s just overcome and overwhelmed right from the start. She’s doing her best to suck one and stroke the other to keep them happy but these guys just keep shoving their dicks her way, forcing them into her mouth, sometimes separately, other times all at once. Then they take turns hovering over her and piledriving her mouth or should I say, her throat, while the other one roughly fingers her pussy and gropes her tits hard. English fucks her mish first while Holmes keeps Cherry’s mouth plugged shut with his tree trunk-like dick. Next, Cherry rides Steve reverse cowgirl as English forces his upward-curved prick seemingly all the way up into Poppens’ brain while he holds her curly red head in place. Holmes lifts her in the air off his dick for English to fuck a little and Cherry looks a little discombobulated. She doesn’t look uncomfortable or like she’s not enjoying herself, she just has the look of someone who doesn’t quite know what’s going to happen next and thus is sort of surprised by every turn of events, like things could go awry any minute. She’s fucking like a champ in doggie and sucking dick like a pro (you can literally see Holmes‘ cock down in her throat), but you can tell she’s got one eye on the exit in her mind. Holmes and English are just having their way with little Cherry; they’ve slapped her ass beet-red, fucked her pussy dry and reamed her throat out, probably widening it a few inches in the process. Poppens looks like a girl awake during a surgical procedure; she wants the operation, but she looks half out of it and confused by the surroundings and her pain. But she’s not going to cut it short until it’s done. She’s doing everything asked of her, too, including licking Holmes’ asshole. Man, give it up for Cherry for just completely submitting to these two crazy fuckers. I can see why this scene was last; not necessarily because it was the best, but it’s certainly a spectacle and the most interesting segment to watch. If you want to see a wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights, innocent young girl who looks absolutely clueless get taken advantage of, fucked HARD six ways from Sunday, cummed on by two foreigners with huge tools and put away wet, pick this up. I don’t know if Cherry could walk after this scene (Lauren Phoenix claims she was sore for a month after her scene in Internal Cumbustion 2 with English and Ferrara) but she’s definitely smiling as she jerks the remains out of both cocks and waves goodbye to the camera. ****
We‘ve got a six-minute Behind the Scenes feature on the filming of Kimberly Kane‘s scene, a twenty-five-minute bonus scene from Lessons in Lust 4 with Dana Vespoli, trailers for their Teen Dreams, She Squirts, North Pole, 4 Finger Club, Lessons in Lust, Phoenix Rising and Naughty College Schoolgirls lines, a photo gallery, company info and a web trailer.
The first thing I noticed was the overall high quality of the entire disc. From the menus, to the action, right down to the bonus materials, everything on this DVD was off the charts; above and beyond what I’ve seen everywhere else. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing several New Sensations discs in the past few months after putting it off for a while and let me tell you it has been my PLEASURE. I have yet to be disappointed by a single thing they’ve done. It’s top notch from top to bottom every single time. New Sensations is definitely doing their own thing and innovating rather than following the pack and just emulating what everyone else is doing with their discs. The production values are an eye-catcher right from the opening credits. The images are crisp, clear, very vivid and bright and look better than you‘d find on a network sitcom. Except you’ll never see Debra Messing or Jennifer Anniston take a gooey facial…at least not on free TV. The girls here jump right off the screen and into your lap with image quality so great you’d swear you could reach out and touch them. But you can‘t. Which I imagine might be the ONLY bad thing I can say about this disc. The sex was hot, with a great cast (all you so-called American sexual tyrannosaurus out there had better notice how many foreign-born actors there are in this movie and step your fuck-game up) and the technical aspects are perfect. If teens are your thing, buy it. Period.
The opinions expressed in this review of Stuffin' Young Muffins 1 from Digital Sin are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.