Starring: John Holmes, Linda Wong, Carole Hilton,
Jacklin Morina, Joanne Levine, Moly Jack,
Montana, Valerie Perrine, Joey Silvera, John
Seaman, Alan Orkin
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The opinions expressed in this review of Stormy from Cal Vista Classics are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.
Directed By: Sam Norvell
What do Johnny Appleseed, Pecos Bill, and John
Holmes' cock all have in common? Yes, they're
bigger than life, but they're also a part of
American folklore. Their legends have a knack
for getting exaggerated over the course of time.
One must stretch his imagination quite a bit to
buy into the tall tales told in children's
storybooks, however, when it comes to Johnny
Wad's wad we've got history recorded on film,
videotape, and now DVD. His manhood has taken on
mythic proportions--deservedly so, or not--but
there's no denying the late poster boy for golden
age smut packed some serious wood. With their
DVD release of Holmes' pimp film Stormy, I'm
surprised NuTech Digital was able to fit his
entire dick on just one disc.
It's a shame, however, the movie contained on
that disc doesn't live up to the grandeur of its
star's legend. I've seen Holmes' movies before,
so I knew what to expect in the way of on-screen
meat swinging. So, in lieu of bug-eyed
amazement, I was hoping Stormy could deliver the
kind of raw sexuality I remember from films made
during that period in porn history. Instead, the
film is pretty much paint by numbers porn,
complete with stereotypical blue movie funk music
and actresses making a quick stop in adult
entertainment on their way to, or their way from,
San Francisco's dying hippie community. Most in
the cast I couldn't even identify.
Linda Wong, if not for Holmes, would have
received top billing. Despite the attractions
many fans have for Asian women, not many eastern
girls have ever secured a position among the
adult entertainment elite. Quick, name an Asian
girl besides Asia Carrera you could honestly term
a porn superstar. Not so easy, is it? Linda
Wong was the first, and here she is paired with
John Holmes. The sheer size of his dick adds a
new dimension to his sex scenes, but in her scene
with him, Wong looks at the job as, well, a job.
Anytime you're fucking a dick that big, you have
to be careful. Take it for granted, and it could
hurt you. An enormous schlong is a little like a
caged animal that way. Instead of fucking with
wild abandon, Wong goes about her business with
Holmes with cautious sexuality. I can't blame
her, but I would have preferred to see her get
into it a little more.
After their opening coupling, the movie slips
into a series of encounters between Holmes the
pimp and his prostitutes, or between the
prostitutes and their johns. Besides the novelty
of watching Holmes bring that thing to life,
there's nothing in Stormy to write home about.
The girls are on the unrefined side, even by 70's
porn standards and the production values of the
movie are lacking, to say the least. NuTech is
not to be blamed-they've done enough solid work
to deserve their professional reputation-but
there's not a lot that can be done with an old
poorly shot film print.
Still, Stormy should remain of interest to those
who became fans of pornographic movies during the
late 70's and early 80's. It's said that
throughout our lives we keep falling for those
who remind us of the first girl who ever stole
our hearts, and even though the foot long cock
between John Holmes' legs seem to indicate he's
no girl, a movie like this is certainly capable
of tapping into our sense of nostalgia. A dick,
once it becomes so big, turns into a novelty.
And that's what Stormy is--a novelty. If you've
got a few bucks and your curious to see what al
the commotion is about when people speak of the
King, then maybe it's not such a bad purchase.
If you're interested in getting turned on,
though, look elsewhere.