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Studio: Cal Vista Classics
Category:  Classic , Feature film , Straight
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , , , , , ,
Released on: 
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Diville's ratings for Stormy:
Overall Rating 2.5 stars
Stormy overall rating 2.5 stars
Female Looks Stormy Female looks rating 2 stars
Male Looks Stormy Male looks rating 2.5 stars
Sex Stormy Sex rating 3 stars
Plot/Acting Stormy Plot/Acting rating 3 stars
Extras Stormy DVD Extras rating 2 stars
Audio/Video Quality Stormy A/V Quality rating 2.5 stars
Rating Scale
Reviewed by Diville  on  3/31/2001
Starring: John Holmes, Linda Wong, Carole Hilton, Jacklin Morina, Joanne Levine, Moly Jack, Montana, Valerie Perrine, Joey Silvera, John Seaman, Alan Orkin

Directed By: Sam Norvell

What do Johnny Appleseed, Pecos Bill, and John Holmes' cock all have in common? Yes, they're bigger than life, but they're also a part of American folklore. Their legends have a knack for getting exaggerated over the course of time. One must stretch his imagination quite a bit to buy into the tall tales told in children's storybooks, however, when it comes to Johnny Wad's wad we've got history recorded on film, videotape, and now DVD. His manhood has taken on mythic proportions--deservedly so, or not--but there's no denying the late poster boy for golden age smut packed some serious wood. With their DVD release of Holmes' pimp film Stormy, I'm surprised NuTech Digital was able to fit his entire dick on just one disc.

It's a shame, however, the movie contained on that disc doesn't live up to the grandeur of its star's legend. I've seen Holmes' movies before, so I knew what to expect in the way of on-screen meat swinging. So, in lieu of bug-eyed amazement, I was hoping Stormy could deliver the kind of raw sexuality I remember from films made during that period in porn history. Instead, the film is pretty much paint by numbers porn, complete with stereotypical blue movie funk music and actresses making a quick stop in adult entertainment on their way to, or their way from, San Francisco's dying hippie community. Most in the cast I couldn't even identify.

Linda Wong, if not for Holmes, would have received top billing. Despite the attractions many fans have for Asian women, not many eastern girls have ever secured a position among the adult entertainment elite. Quick, name an Asian girl besides Asia Carrera you could honestly term a porn superstar. Not so easy, is it? Linda Wong was the first, and here she is paired with John Holmes. The sheer size of his dick adds a new dimension to his sex scenes, but in her scene with him, Wong looks at the job as, well, a job. Anytime you're fucking a dick that big, you have to be careful. Take it for granted, and it could hurt you. An enormous schlong is a little like a caged animal that way. Instead of fucking with wild abandon, Wong goes about her business with Holmes with cautious sexuality. I can't blame her, but I would have preferred to see her get into it a little more.

After their opening coupling, the movie slips into a series of encounters between Holmes the pimp and his prostitutes, or between the prostitutes and their johns. Besides the novelty of watching Holmes bring that thing to life, there's nothing in Stormy to write home about. The girls are on the unrefined side, even by 70's porn standards and the production values of the movie are lacking, to say the least. NuTech is not to be blamed-they've done enough solid work to deserve their professional reputation-but there's not a lot that can be done with an old poorly shot film print.

Still, Stormy should remain of interest to those who became fans of pornographic movies during the late 70's and early 80's. It's said that throughout our lives we keep falling for those who remind us of the first girl who ever stole our hearts, and even though the foot long cock between John Holmes' legs seem to indicate he's no girl, a movie like this is certainly capable of tapping into our sense of nostalgia. A dick, once it becomes so big, turns into a novelty. And that's what Stormy is--a novelty. If you've got a few bucks and your curious to see what al the commotion is about when people speak of the King, then maybe it's not such a bad purchase. If you're interested in getting turned on, though, look elsewhere.

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The opinions expressed in this review of Stormy from Cal Vista Classics are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.