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Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

Studio: Vivid
Category:  Feature film
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Released on: 
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bono-ONE's ratings for Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody:
Overall Rating 4.5 stars
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody overall rating 4.5 stars
Female Looks Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Female looks rating 4.5 stars
Male Looks Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Male looks rating 3 stars
Sex Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Sex rating 4 stars
 
Plot/Acting Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Plot/Acting rating 3.5 stars
Extras Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody DVD Extras rating 3.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody A/V Quality rating 4.5 stars
Worth$35.00
Rating Scale
Reviewed by bono-ONE  on  2/21/2012
Welcome fans to a new parody from Axel Braun who has developed quite a reputation for cranking these out the last few years and he's covered some ground too from Elvis to Spiderman to the man of steel, Superman. Well we have a different Man of Steele used in this latest effort from Axel and his vast crew, I'm talking Lexington Steele and his character is none other than the Dark Lord of the Sith aka Darth Vader! So you might guess then this parody is of the classic 1977 George Lucas film Star Wars. I call it that rather than the extra title given to it later on when released on Vhs/ dvd/ laserdisc, lol. Up front I have to say I am a huge fan of the original movie having seen it at a perfect age as a kid. However I never got into collecting the toys which was a big mistake, lol. I did manage to get Star Wars sheets and curtains though!! But anyway having said that my expectations for this particular parody will be higher than just about any other movie I can think of that I've seen a parody done for. As an 8 year old the visuals left a lasting imprint on me that lingers to this day. I was quick to snatch up the recent blu ray releases for the films so yeah I'm a bit geeked for this one so Axel better not fuck it up!! So slipping the disc in the first thing that comes up is the familiar STAR WARS font and then you see the main menu which is a cool one with Darth Vader shown standing on the bridge of one of the empires huge star destoyers looking out into space. There is a second disc to for this release which offers up a 33 minute BTS which is pretty informative along with a non sex version and a photo gallery. Besides Lex who we don't see and just hear you also have in this release Rocco Reed as Han Solo, Seth Gamble as Luke Skywalker, the Icon Tom Byron as Obi-Wan and in the main female role as Princess Leia you have Vivid contract girl Allie Haze. We also have the mighty Chewbacca and I guess I'll spoil it for you, he gets some action in this!!

So time to start this bad boy and we get the familiar Star Wars scroll going up the screen but before the you have A Long Time Ago in a Parody far, far away!! They even do it in the same blue lettering as the original so the nods are coming fast and furious to Star Wars. They even do the title A New Hope but give it a porn twist, A New Hole! The music is good but not quite reminding me of the classic tune John Williams gave us to begin the movie. As the words scroll up the screen you get the familiar story of the rebels fighting against the empire and that they have stolen important plans which the Princess is trying to see safely to her dad on her home planet. A funny bit too comes across that she's being pursued by sinister agents and crossed out you have by her father which should should make you laugh. The visual for space was great and once the letters go away we get planets and of course Tattoine is the first one we see and the ships quickly come into view as well and the detail is breathtaking and well done. The first real set we see is the hall way inside the ship and just like Star Wars the first characters we see are C3PO and R2D2. Golden Rod as he's called in the 3rd Star Wars movie is voiced by none other than Chi Chi Larue which might give you an inkling of how this character is played and as I watched the movie I have to say Axel made an inspired choice, lots of funny quips/ lines for Chi Chi in this. The two droids eventually make their off of the ship and onto the desolate surface of Tattoine which again is so close to the original you'll be impressed. The dialogue which has funny lines is also fairly close to what we heard in the original. One of the early scenes where the evil forces are discussing the impressive force of the Death Star and where Vader shows his displeasure at one of them not being such a fan of the force comes and turns out his powers aren't quite as strong as he thought- the guy was just choking. I also thought Lex's voice wasn't quite as forceful as James Earl Jones but hey that was an iconic performance which anyone would be hard pressed to match. We get another semi-main character introduced here as well, Grand Moff Tarkin played by Bryn Pryor who many of you should recognize as Eli Cross who does a good job of paying homage to Peter Cushing who I don't know ever played another villian besides this one- don't quote me on that!

Ok we've had some good set up and the sets have been top notch so far but we now need a little sex and we go right to the taboo aspect of this title as Vader does in to interrogate the Princess and I'll say it right now that the single best outfit for this entire show besides the Vader suit is what Allie Haze had on. She looks so fucking hot in the white Princess Leia outfit it was insane. Suffice to say she's a bit tired of the black walls and while she doesn't divulge any crucial information she can't resist when Vader whips out his light saber and hello incest we have daughter blowing daddy, lol!Along with the blow job we have some sexy self pleasuring by Allie who plays with her pussy. Definitely a high note to start the sex off with. It's only a bj with a facial at the end but the whole incest angle which of course at the time Star Wars came out wasn't know is there underneath. This scene definitely has replay value and then some.

From this we go back to the surface of Tattoine where Luke and his Uncle Owen are buying the droids and they hit pretty good with the first droid blowing up and C3PO getting them to buy R2 instead. You also see Seth Gamble for the first time as Luke and I don't recall the role being this much of a pussy but there were a few points in Star Wars I grant you where he was a bit whiny. They do this with Seth throughout this movie giving him moments of being whiny. You also get more funny lines from Chi Chi as C3P0. Back on the Death Star we get some great dialogue from Bryn as the Peter Cushing character about wanting to demonstrate the power of the battle station so they set their course for Alderaan. As they are making their way to blow up a planet we go back to Tattoine where Luke and C3P0 are going after R2 which also leads to the next sex scene. The sand people are there and when Obi-Wan scares them off we have one remaining behind. Obi-Wan walks up takes off the hat and underneath we find Jennifer White. They make good use of Lukes Land Speeder fucking on top of it and also working in some anal too before she's facialized. Obi-Wan then takes Luke to his dwelling where they talk a little about his father plus he gives Luke his dads light saber which he lights up and gets a scare from. Tom Byron is a fantastic actor to have playing this role and he does a solid service to Alec Guiness. They infuse a little bit of him being a drunk which adds some humor to the performance-- a departure perhaps from the original source material but it works. After R2 plays the hologram from the Princess they head off to find a ride to save her.

This takes us to the famous Cantina scene and the music here was probably the best and closest to the original source material. The confrontation Luke has with the two aliens is there with Obi-Wan interjecting himself to save the young boy. The two then go with Chewbacca and meet Han Solo. They make arrangements for their transportation off this rock. You also have a couple of ladies, Kimberly Kane and Aiden Ashley who have great bee-hive hairdos hooking up for a little g/g fucking! Right there in the bar so I guess this was a swingers bar, who knew! The kissing was good and you get some very nice oral from Kimberly to Aiden who returns the favor going behind to lick her friends cookie. This scene was actually two sex scenes in one as we also get two more couples hooking up with one of the girls Rihanna Rimes actually reminding me a character from a different Star Wars movie, think it was the 3rd one. Anyway there is some good b/g action here with the two ladies switching partners before it was done. A titty pop for one and there is a facial for the other. Now we are just about ready to blast off but first the scene with Han and Greedo where Han does fire first! He actually pops a cap several times into Greedo before leaving. The Imperial troops then show up to give them a proper blast off into space. Another good nod to the original movie happens when they show the visual chess game but with a slight porno twist- the animals don't kill each other, they fuck and they are male too so this turns C3P0 on a lot! You also have Luke battling with the sphere that shoots the ray blasts and he doesn't do so well but a drunk Obi-Wan says he's doing great, lol.

We miss the planet of Alderaan being blown up- they attempt to show it but the person firing the death ray can't shoot for shit so they miss it the first time. However when the Millenium Falcon comes out of light space they have managed to do it and the rocks are hurting into the ship which tries to get away but oops makes a wrong turn right into the Death Star landing bay. You soon have Obi-Wan heading off to turn off the tractor beam while Luke and Han head off leaving Chewie behind on the ship and this leads to our next sex scene!! Yeah you read that right, Chewbacca gets to fuck in this and he gets not one but two Storm troopers to nail. One is played by Eve Laurence and the other by Brandy Aniston. They slip off their helmets and drop right down to satisfy Chewie's cock-- ok not sure what you'd classify this scene as, lol. The girls do a fine job trading off his cock and eventually they fuck him with Brandy doing a lot of anal in this scene while Eve comes on at the end to ride him with her pussy. The ladies share his beastly blast to close it!

The story then takes us to Grand Moff Tarkin and Vader discussing the fact that Obi Wan has found his way onto the ship but the lines are infused again with a bit of humor. Back then to Luke and Han who take a sexually satisfied Chewbacca down to the detention level so they can rescue the Princess. As Luke goes down to get in her cell Leia makes a few cracks about his outfit- these outfits were designed for female storm troopers so the guys have boobs! Allie is still in that first white outfit and she's still fucking amazingly hot. The foursome are caught in the hallway and it is Leia who again shoots them out of it but instead of a garbage shoot it's a big laundry bin. They make it out of that and are ready to try for the ship. The big confrontation then comes between Vader and Obi Wan but again Tom plays it a bit Dazed & Confused but when Vader lights up the two are ready to throw down. One of the funniest lines then comes when Leia spots the Millenium Falcon-- You came in that thing and Han says something like I bet you say that to a lot of guys or something like that. It's funny. Anyway they make it off the Death Star and head off to the current rebel base where the plans are uploaded and we are ready for the big final battle. More cool visuals as this big battle is waged and they bring the whole Luke is a bit of pussy back in this too. He actually wanted to leave with Han which was different from the original source material but he stays and heads off for the battle. In the battle, though, he tries to fly off the wrong way until Obi Wans voice comes in his head telling him to use the force. You get a fine cameo here by Kylie Ireland as one of the commanders who try and shoot the big blow however she misses and dies horribly flying right into the Death Star. So leave it to Luke to fly down the trench and take that big shot but he too misses unlike in the original. One last bit of humor is worked in as we learn Lukes shot actually hit the kitchen which is right next to the reactor so the raging fire in the end did the trick leading to the huge explosion.

Time for one last sex scene and you might wonder who we get to watch and it's the trio of Luke, Han and the Princess. Yeah another sick twisted nod to the whole incest angle, lol. The outfits were perfect from her white dress and hairstyle to Han's white shirt and vest and Lukes jacket. Before the big ceremony Leia wanted to personally thank her rescuers! This leads to some very nice dick sucking from Allie to both guys who takes turns pounding her royal snatch. This ends with a good double facial for Allie and we are just about over. However, we do get to watch the ceremony where it is Chewbacca who receives the medal along with a sly wink from Leia who I think is warming up to this walking furball!! As everyone turns around to thunderous applause the final credits come up and just like the original too from the blue lettering to the style of the lettering.

Final Thoughts:

So this is a big movie event no doubt about it and I have to say it should be a big success. Fans of the original Star Wars who wanted to see some fucking will certainly snap this one up in a heart beat. They do gloss over some elements of the story as you will remember it unfolding but nothing to drastic is left behind. I don't remember Luke as being as whiny and non-heroic as he seems to be here. Allie to me as real good giving just the right amount of attitude as Princess Leia and Rocco does well as the swashbuckler Han Solo. As for Obi Wan I thought Tom was good and adding the slight senile aspects to his character and the fact he liked to drink out of a flask was a departure but it shouldn't piss off anyone but maybe the hardest core of fans. Overall Axel and crew do an amazing job of creating the atmosphere of the Star Wars experience from the sets to the costumes and just enough of the storyline/ dialogue to keep those who know the story intrigued. I hope they do the next one which should offer up some good bits as The Empire Strikes Back is recognized as the best of the original trilogy so again Axel better be careful!! May the Force be with him!! As for extras this one offers up a second disc as I mentioned earlier where you have a non sex version of the movie along with a good 33 minute plus BTS segment. A huge undertaking for this project but the force was definitely with everyone on this one.



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