The Plot: As you can tell from the title, this is part three of a series. I really wish I'd seen the first two. I might know a bit more where these people were coming from. I dropped this happy disk into my DVD player, expecting a fairly brainless ho-hum, low budget porn flick. I should have paid more attention. Two clues went right by me until I watched the opening credits. Clue number one: This is VCA putting out this DVD, so they have the talent. Clue number two: Executive producer is Antonio Passolini. Aha!
As far as I can gather, the Upsilon Sigma Sorority has apparently been using voodoo rituals to kidnap fraternity guys to use them for breeding purposes. The girls stay young and fresh through depraved rituals, and use the guys for stud service whenever they feel the need or want children. I don't really see the problem, but I suppose the guys don't like being kept around and screwed silly every now and then. Whatever.
Anyhow, our movie starts with the capture of the latest recruit for stud service. After fucking him into submission, they blindfold him and take him away to the breeding pen. We then have the opening credits, complete with theme song, and the voice-over explaining the situation. I particularly like this part, because it is a great excuse to introduce all of the characters and to give a name to the impressive number of faces that will be flying across the screen at some point. Anyhow, our plot really starts to move with a bunch of guys sitting around watching the news with Lydia Cantrell. Lydia apparently used to be a Upsilon Sigma pledge and her connections got her a ritz newscasting job. Lydia brings her own style to the news. First, after reporting the murder of a reknowned environment destroyer, she adds her own little "touch" to the story. You should see how she reports the weather!
For some odd reason, we cut to a doctor's office where one of the escaped sorority studs, named Niles, has been caught by police. He tells the story of a friend of his, Audie, who used to be on the baseball team. We fade to Audie and one of the UpSig girls in his dorm room getting it on. Said stud is next scene talking to Miles and some other guy sitting around the frat house talking about the missing beer chugging frat boys. After vowing to find this dude called Hobie, we find Hobie being introduced to the rest of the prisoners at the UpSig stud farm. After some small talk, the new fish tries to escape from the camp. He is promptly zapped by the blonde in tight shorts with the remote control. Fade to black.
We next join our new sorority pledges as they begin their initiation. We unfortunately go through the porn equivalent of female trash talk. Sigh... It doesn't come across as natural. "All that and a bag of chips plus a drink" just doesn't cut it. Still, they make the new pledges get naked and spread for the big sisters, so it's not all bad. In fact, it's kind of amusing. I have got to figure out who the chick on the far left is. She reminds me of Denise Richards, but with perkier breasts. (note to self: thank VCA for the excellent credits at the end of the movie. The woman is Alexis Dane.) The waves of cacading hair down to her tits doesn't hurt, either.
Just when the pledges bend over and things get interesting, we cut back to the guys who are giving Hobie a hard time for doing a face plant aftering zapped unconscious. Sounds like they cut away from the girls when the stuff was getting yummy, right? Patience, dear porno fans! As the guys are sitting around, shooting the breeze, Lydia, our newswoman who does the weather in a bikini, strolls down the line looking for someone to be the father of her child. She picks one of the guys, and they wander off to the outskirts of the dude ranch to consummate the... hmm... to consummate the shopping trip, I guess.
We watch the guys chat a second, and then we watch Niles try to convince the doctor that the sorority is an evil force bent on the subjugation of frat boys. Naturally, the doctor doesn't beileve him, and the frustration that must be felt by the Voice Of The Conspiracy. It is the curse of all movie doomsayers that none shall believe them, and all of his explanations and warnings are for naught. So we cut to the musical number.
Hah! I thought that would get your attention. Yes, the ladies of UpSig are serenading the men of the doomed frat with a song called "Lilacs and Roses". As we progress through a montage of porn queen ass in thong swimsuits, the off-key and screeching sounds of twenty porn stars attempting to sing is replaced by a professional-quality version of the same song. I can't think of a better background for watching tight asses in thongs than the lyrical sounds of Sindee Coxx singing about flowers. As the song fades into the background, we join one of the UpSig girls (Stay Valentine) as she completes her pledge project. Her research apparently involves fucking two of the studs at the UpSig dude ranch. Damn, how come my homework was never like this?
As the splooge gently drips off the chin of the starlet, we join an Alternative History class, already in progress. (Heh. We interrupt this cumshot to bring you this breaking story...) After attempting to prove to the class that he actually has a brain, Audie and the rest of the class sit around and discuss global warming. We then cut to one of the studs at the dude ranch having a dream about the naked pledge class calling him a pervert and telling him to wake up. Wow, I thought I was the only one who had that dream... Okay, this makes no fucking sense. It's cute as hell, but it makes no fucking sense.
Thankfully, the director knows what he's doing. Before my brain and my dick get together and try to figure out exactly what the hell is happening, we watch two of the new pledges working on their pledge projects. This time, they're "interviewing" some of the existing UpSig members. Take a wild guess where this interview is going to lead. Let's just say the interview involves lots of tongues, lots of fingers, and a couple of plastic toys. Aaaaah. Much better. Dick happy. Brain happy. Plot is fucked up, but who cares?
We next see the president of the UpSig sorority discussing plans with the president of the Delta frat, Mo. After telling him to piss off, she later shows up at the frat house and proceeds to do exactly what she said she wouldn't do earlier. Huh? Does this make sense to anyone? Actually, it does make kind of twisted sense when Niles and Audie are attempting to sneak onto the dude ranch and find their drinking buddies. Mo, freshly laid, is skeptical and doesn't listen to their warnings. Audie and Niles discover the stud farm and Audie becomes a casualty to the remote control thingies while Niles escapes. Aha! Now we know where Niles started mumbling and was picked up by the cops. The plot thickens (god knows how. It can't get much thicker than this).
The new pledge class begins their ritual assimilation into the sorority. As far as I can tell, this ritual involves everyone standing around with their breasts exposed and reciting dippy lines from the script. Oh god, this stuff is a chore to sit through. It does have a punch line, though. In the end it is worth sitting through (once!) to get the joke. They ritually kneel on the floor, the old UpSig members ritually intone the sacred words and they whip out the sacred text by which they live. After all of this, they ritually eat each other out. Okay, I never joined a sorority... can someone tell me if this is standard procedure during intiations? You ladies all getin to one giant carpet-munching circle and try to touch tongue to bellybuttons from the inside?
Ayhow, after the entire sorority is through doing pushups with their tongues, we wrap up all the loose ends. Sadly, a freak nitroglycerine accident has destroyed the dude ranch. Time to start recruiting! Then there is the plot "twist" at the end, plus some revelation from completely out of left field. But we finish with a man, a convertible, and a hitchhiking porn star. We all live happily ever after... or do we?
The Cast: Oh god, there is so much fine female flesh in this film that my poor eyeballs are twitching like a ferret on an espresso high. Let me just name a couple: Shayla LaVeaux, Jill Kelly, Juli Ashton, Ashlyn Gere, Victoria Paris, Nina Hartley, Missy, Alexis Dane, Krista Maze, Caressa Savage, Misty Rain, Tiffany Minx, Kylie Ireland, Sahara Sands, Christy Lake, Sindee Coxx, Houston, Julie Rage, Micky Lynn, Tricia Deveraux, Sinderella (I personally like that name)... and I have left out many more. Holy twat tonnage, Batman!
Damn, picking out the best of the crowd here is tough. They're all super sexpots... Stacy Valentine, Kylie Ireland, Misty Rain as the obvious choices. I thought Alexis Dane was striking, despite her not getting much in the way of a sex scene. Tricia Devereaux and Sahara Sands show up briefly, but it is always a pleasure.
The guys are represented by Nick East, Mark Davis, Steve Hatcher, Chad Thomas, Anthony, Tim Cole, Joey Silvera, Tim Lake, Root Loggins and Justin Sterling. Justin has the most speaking parts by far. He really does try his best at the delivery, but alas he seems to equate being in shock with mumbling. He is difficult to understand in the doctor's office scenes. Everywhere else, he's fine. I suspect much of the dialogue is improvised. It mostly is a bunch of guys sitting around, shooting the breeze. In those types of situations, these guys put forth good performances. It's the scripted stuff that sometimes falls a little flat.
The Sex: Like most pornos of the modern age, we start our film with sex. Hot damn! I flip my trusty DVD player on to chapter two and I see blowjob. Good blowjob. Energetic blowjob. The camera pulls back, and I am looking up past a beautiful crotch, beyond cute nipples on top of great breasts, to see a woman devouring dick. This vision of writhing dick-sucking passion just sticks with me. Who is this chick? It is none other than Misty Rain! I obviously do not see enough of her in porn. I'll have to fix that. She and Chad Thomas are opening up this movie. Chad unfortunately looks like he's been out in the sun too much. He has a dried leather look when the camera gets too close that is not very appealing. Misty puts forth a great effort, practically bursting with energy. I swear, she doesn't go below 40 mph when screwing this guy. She does a pretty good side-to-side hip shuffle when mounted on top (which is a personal favorite of mine). Several times, she gets so frantic that she pops right off of his dick. My only complaints about the scene is the editors have cut out all of the film that shows them switching positions. Poof! She's now doing anal. Poof! He has moved from being underneath in a reverse cowgirl to kneeling in front of her for the pop shot. There is also a propensity to zoom in to vagicam mode. Thankfully, there are several long shots to show off Misty's energetic performance. This is a great way to start a movie.
Our next contestants are Sindee Coxx and T. T. Boy going at it in the dorm room. After some really bad dialogue, she jumps on top of him on the bed and they start screwing away. There is no foreplay. Hell, there's no time for foreplay, they're moving too fast. They manage to keep up this frantic pace for the entire scene, and it is really quite impressive. They switch positions around a bit, but a couple things remain constant: Sindee is having a grand old time, and T. T. Boy is giving her one hell of a ride. These two keep up a pace that is exhausting to watch, let alone attempt. There are some great images in this scene. Images that stick in your mind for a while and wander the dusty corridors, giving you a hard-on at odd times. The image of a very flexible Sindee standing on one leg, the other one thrown over T. T. Boy's shoulder, and T. T. standing up and pounding away inside her is a good one. Sindee apparently has a very good time during this scene, because T. T. Boy pulls out for a second and Sindee squirts right at the camera. You have to love a woman who enjoys her work! This is really a very good scene. The sex is damn hot, the actors are energetic, the cinematography is pretty good and the background music is just that: background. Actually, it is pretty guitar-heavy and reminds me of the background music to a video game about a killer ice cream truck. Thankfully, it's recorded at a low enough volume to just provide a rhythm for the scene. It's one hell of a fast rhythm, though!
Ah, it must be nice to own a dude ranch out in the middle of nowhere where you can walk up to a selection of the opposite sex and pick your favorite for sex in the great outdoors. Anybody know where I can get one of these? Shayla La Veaux has selected Anthony to be her partner for the afternoon. We start with the foreplay, and I must say both of these actors put on a good show for the camera. Shayla gives nice and slow blowjobs with lots of eye contact and deep slides down the shaft. We sort of fade into Shayla bouncing up and down on Anthony's cock and we proceed from there. While it's not really an original sex scene, it is done rather well. The two actors are a far cry from the previous scene, which was all enthusiasm and gymnastics. These two look more like a couple of lovers taking the day off to go screw out on the back 40. Party hard, but you don't have to be in a rush. Shayla fills the air with the sound of moans of pleasure, and Anthony fills Shayla with the flesh of pleasure. There are some good images to fill your mental scrapbook here. Shayla does a really good job sitting on top of Athony's lap (facing both directions at some point) and the only humdrum part is the final doggie style, which lasts a brief time. Anthony finishes up with a large load that launches half way up Shayla's back. Again, there is a distinct lack of penetration shots in this scene. Drat. Still, this is a good scene but it is hard to point out why. I think it's because the actors look like they're having fun and enjoying themselves. That must be it.
Aw, now what would a porn movie be without Stacy Valentine? A hell of a lot more boring. Stacy is working on her pledge project and that apparently means working on Nick East and Steve Hatcher. Stacy looks delectable as ever, but she really needs to ditch the chewing gum! The concpt of a bubblicious blow job just doesn't turn me on. I suppose it could be worse. It could be chewing tobacco. All three of these veterans dive right into this scene, with Stacy getting the majority of the screen coverage (thank you, god). There isn't much in the way of foreplay before Stacy gets one guy up top to suck on and one guy on the other end. Stacy is true to form, with lots of energy, and she manages to look incredibly sexy even when she cranks up the sweat (Stacy is known for sweating during her performances). The guys are in such a hurry that they forget to remove their tie-dyed shirts, which is not something I'm exactly thrilled with. The camera work is pretty good, but they pop this one shot at you that is looking over Stacy's admitted excellent ass as the two guys as they receive a blowjob. Granted, it's a nice view, but the perspective is really odd. It's like a movie trailer for a porno horror flick. "Attack of the Giant Pink Asses" Stacy ends up in a DP with both of the guys. In my opinion, it's a pretty good DP, with everyone moving around alot. It could have been better (please do NOT light up the actors with a searchlight), but not matter what you did to it, it wouldn't be much better. The scene ends in a fine fashion, and Stacy really shows off her beautiful eyes. There is one really good penetration shot when the DP starts, and everybody looks like their having a great time. Hell, if you're not enjoying riding Stacy's ass, you need therapy. Great scene.
Well, it wouldn't be a top-of-the-line porn movie without a lesbian scene, now would it? VCA does it in spades, with two of the pledges (Mickey Lynn and Shayla La Veaux, apparently playing dual roles) being put through the paces by Nina Hartley, Krista Maze and someone whom I think is Jill Kelley, but I honestly can't be sure. She spends most of her time facing away from the camera and nobody seems to refer to her by name. It also doesn't help that 90% of the women in this movie are blonde with big breasts. Anyhow, she doesn't seem to do much other than hold the implements like the nurse in all those movies with scenes in operating rooms. You know the one: the actress who has no lines except to repeat what the doctor asks for: "Scalpel. Forcepts. Tweezers. Torque wrench. Lubricant." You get the idea. Actually, she keep her dress on until the finale of the scene, where Nina gives her a good thrashing with a strap-on. Even then, you don't see much of her because there are three other women wrapped around her. It's a pretty interesting scene with a very light-hearted feel to it. There is a large amount of plastic toys, with Mickey and Shalya both getting one in the ass and the strap-on at the end. The transition to the finale of the scene is clumsy: everyone just kind of breaks and suddenly our Mystery Woman is being fondled by three women and being fucked by one. It's a fun scene, but nothing really turned me on about it. It wasn't terrible by any means, but in my opinion, there was nothing really erotic about it.
Houston and Mark Davis have a go as the the leaders of their respective organizations. Houston is almost the archtype of a porn star: Tall, tanned and blonde, she almost oozes sex. Not sex appeal as in "Wow, she looks like she'd be fun in bed." or "That woman would be fun to lay." Oh no. Think Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV growling "I must break you." She looks like she could fuck the paint off a flagpole. Thankfully, she doesn't act like it. She and Mark Davis do pretty well together, scromping away on a bed in a variety of positions. It is a pretty average scene, to be quite honest. Both actors put forth good effort, and the look like they are enjoying themselves. There isn't anything out of the ordinary to comment on, just good sex. If all sex scenes were at least this good, porn wouldn't have such a bad reputation. There just isn't anything special about it. Either that, or I am still in shock after our next scene...
... with T. T. Boy and just about everything female that gets it's name in the credits (this leaves out the cat, but that's about it). I am still in shock over this scene. We start with what must be the longest carpet munching circle on record, all thirty or so members of UpSig sorority go nose to tail and start licking away. There is a beautifull shot as the camera gets down and pans along the entire length of this Ring of Lick. Naked body after naked body slides across your TV screen, and your brain starts to misfire on the sheer numbers of beautiful women having sex at once. After some time doing the 30 woman cunnil-ringus performance, they break off into smaller groups for some more intense activities. The camera kind of flits between couples and trios and foursomes, letting you see lots o' lesbian love... or at least really convenient friendship. I have to ask, is this what sorority initiations are normally like? Please? Can I go to the next one? I won't interfere, I'll just be an innocent onlicker... Anyhow, after a few minutes of this sensual onslaught, they start calling for Audie. Audie appears from nowhere and slides right into Kylie Ireland and away we go! The next several minutes are filled with T. T. Boy giving it to porn star after porn star. I don't know how many days it took to shoot this scene, but whatever it was, the result is worth it. T. T. Boy works his way through the UpSig management, the rank & file and then the pledge class. He gives pretty good cumshots about every other partner and just keeps going. What really impressed me is that he never looks bored, never looks tired and always goes full throttle. Hats off to Mr. Boy, this is a great performance. There are several memorable images from this scene: Alexis Dane's hair flowing in ripples as she rides on top. One of the actresses (I can't remember which one, unfortunately) popping off the end of T. T. Boy's dick and launching herself at him so she can finish her orgasm. A standing reverse cowgirl that looks like it takes a lot of strength (he makes it look effortless). There is so much to describe... This is, in my not-so-humble opinion, the best group sex scene I have ever watched. Quantity has a quality of it's own, but even after the sheer overload of women in this scene (and only one guy), I only once got the impression of assembly-line sex (Mickey Lynn steps in to take the place of the previous girl with all the romance of a porn star in a gang-bang scene... which, to be fair, is not entirely inaccurate.) But that is a triffling nitpick. You will remember this scene for years.
The Image/Audio: The image is up to par with every other disc I have seen by VCA. It is damn near perfect. Colors are accurate, there is little to no grain, there are no flecks or spots. Doesn't get much better than this.
The audio on this disc is very good. The opening credits are set to a peppy song called "California Cajun Girls". Interesting. What's really cool is that Nick East does the lead vocals and he is backed up by Sindee Coxx, Simon Delo, Earl Ninn and "The Sex Kitten Choir". This is how porn sound should be done! The song is peppy, the music is good, the lyrics are interesting, and it sounds professionally mixed. Any set of credits that lists "hip falsetto and high harmony" gets a nod for originality. Alas, the are the occasional problems. Unlike most porn discs, where the background has been turned up so high you can't hear the actresses, this disc occasionaly suffers from the microphone not picking up the actresses and the dialogue gets lost. The rest of the dialogue in the scene is fine, but occasionally something gets dropped by the wayside like a pair of cheap underwear, never to be heard from again. Still, I prefer these triffling problems to having the background cranked up to the ear- bleed levels.
The Extras: VCA has not put too much on this disc. There is a cast list five of the main actresses on this disc. Each actress gets one picture from the movie and a little bit of bio information. You can jump to a scene and get VCA's contact information. That's it.
The Good: Hot porn star overload! Good to excellent sex, great image quality, excellent soundtrack, and 30 women eating each other out at once. The final sex scene has to be seen.
The Bad: If you thought Pulp Fiction had a plot that only gave lip service to time flowing linerearly, you have got to see this. The plot, while involved and complex, is presented with little to no regard for letting you know where in the timeline you are supposed to be. Some of the acting is terrible.
Overall: This movie rocks!