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Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4

Studio: Platinum Blue Productions
Category:  Comedy , Feature film
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , , , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:Streaming/Download
astroknight's ratings for Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4:
Overall Rating 1.5 stars
Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 overall rating 1.5 stars
Female Looks Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 Female looks rating 3.5 stars
Male Looks Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 Male looks rating 2.5 stars
Sex Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 Sex rating 2 stars
 
Plot/Acting Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 Plot/Acting rating 2 stars
Extras Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 DVD Extras rating 1 star
Audio/Video Quality Sex Trek:  Where No Man Has Cum B4 A/V Quality rating 3 stars
Worth$6.50
Rating Scale
Reviewed by astroknight  on  5/10/2007

The Little Details

Running Time: 86 min. (the cover claims a running time of 120 min., over a third longer than the movie lasts. I'm deducting a half point from the overall score because of this.)

Production Date: 6 / 20 – 23 / 2005 (movie) 12 / 22 / 2006 (cover)

Director: Cash Markman

Cast: Gabriella Dreams, Katie Morgan, Malibu, Rita Faltoyano, Vicky Vette, JR Langdon, Mike Horner, Randy Spears, and Ron Jeremy in sexual roles and Dick Smothers Jr, Kyle Stone, Slick Rhodes, Sophia, and Steve Austin in non-sex roles

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Being a bit of a Star Trek geek I can't help but look forward to this one.

Initial Reaction: It varies throughout the movie between “not bad” and “make it stop!”.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody who misses early 90s porn

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting above average sex or plenty of humor

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects rise slightly above the average level. The audio is nicely balanced and pretty clear, with no background noises to interfere with the action. The video is presented in the full frame format and looks just a little too soft. The lighting varies between being a little low and encouraging some funky shadows and being a little high and bleaching things out.

Music: The music is nicely balanced with the rest of the audio, and varies a bit throughout the movie to capture both the porno and sci-fi feel of the movie. There's a couple times it helps the movie out, while most of the time it doesn't have any effect.

Menus: The main menu blends a still with a few clips from the movie in a cheesy manner that doesn't give much of a first impression. The chapter menu nicely lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and the name of the girl(s) in it.

The Feature

Led by Captain Quick (Randy Spears), the crew of the starship Intercourse are on a five minute mission when they come upon a spaceship from the early twenty first century carrying Harry Balls (Ron Jeremy) and a few horny pornstars. Amidst plenty of bad acting and worse jokes, Captain Quick soon learns that things may be more than they seem and that he isn't getting nearly enough sex.

Scene 1 – Katie Morgan and Randy Spears

While the others try to get them out of danger, Randy stays back to make sure there isn't a chance of hot dirty blonde Katie dieing sexually unfulfilled. They get in a quick kiss before Katie drops down to start sucking Randy's cock. Randy tongues her holes in return both from behind and as Katie lies back for him, and even sucks her toes before fucking her missionary style. Katie gets up to do some of the work cowgirl style before finally letting Randy pop on her tits.

This scene barely makes it past the average mark. The location feels overly cheesy and only having two positions doesn't help it a lot. The only reason it really makes it past the average level is because Katie looks so damn hot and the camera captures her very well. This scene just didn't really seem special in any way.

Scene 2 – Malibu and Rita Faltoyano

For their medical examination, Dr. Boner has the girls show him what makes them tick. They barley get in a kiss before hot busty brunette Rita lays buxom bottle blonde Malibu back to kiss her tits and then move up to her mouth. She quickly moves down to tongue and finger Malibu's nicely shaved and pierced cooch before breaking out a red glass toy that she runs around Malibu before sliding it into her. Rita takes her turn on the table as well so Malibu can finger and lick her pussy as well as giving it a little toy time. Finally the scene cuts out when Rita goes over to bring the doctor into the action.

This is a slightly below average scene that falls a little lower due to a bad ending. Rita is hot, but Malibu looks very generic. The scene going from one girl getting her turn to the other taking her turn with no real position changes did nothing for the scene, and having much of the camera work being gyno-cam action didn't help anything. The scene fell even further with the ending, which made it seem like there was more to come with a very fun feeling and then cutting off before it could. This could have been a pretty average scene with a little more effort, but couldn't even manage that.

Scene 3 – Gabriella Dreams and JR Langdon

Gabrielle, a hot black babe, is happy when it looks like she gets to help a few of the guys scratch an itch rather than just mumbling lines. JR moves in to get his knob gobbled before sucking her tits and licking her pussy. Gabrielle turns around to let him fuck her from behind before getting up to ride him reverse cowgirl style. Finally she drops down to spit out some white goo that's supposed to be cum from her mouth.

This is another scene that hovers just below the average level. Gabrielle is cute, and there's some decent chemistry between her and JR. That said, the camera work is pretty average and the pussy eating goes on a bit too long. The scene is also held back by looking like it's going to be a group scene that instead turns into an okay scene with a peanut gallery and a badly faked pop at the end. Once again the sex was unable to even hit the average mark.

Scene 4 – Vicky Vette and Ron Jeremy

After a quick shapeshift, Ron gets attacked sexually by hot busty dirty blonde Vicky. He tries to fight her off at first, but Ron can't resist and starts groping her ass as well as admiring the rest of the package. He lets Vicky have a quick taste of his cock before laying her back to work on with his tongue and fingers. She has Ron go right to fucking her missionary style, and then lets the action cut to Ron popping on her face.

This is a very forgettable scene that shouldn't be. Vicky looks great, and puts out some very nice energy and vocals. She also takes the facial very well, which might be the best part of the scene. The problem with the scene is that it's way too limited. The blowjob might be missed if you blink slowly and there's only one position. Combine that with some limited camera work that's heavy on the gyno-cam action again and you have a good way for a scene to fall below the average level once again.

Scene 5 – Katie Morgan and Mike Horner

Once again Katie's afraid of dieing sexually unfulfilled, and this time Mike takes one for the team to help her. She pushes him back onto a bed and drops down to suck his cock before laying back for Mike to energetically tongue her in return. Mike and Katie start fucking missionary style before moving on with some doggie fucking. Finally, Mark unloads a large bright green load on her chest.

This is another okay at best scene. The pussy eating was easily the highlight of the movie, with the rest of the scene feeling like it should have lasted longer once again. Also once again Katie looks great, but this time she couldn't pull the scene past the average level due to the baggage it had before it. The pop shot is slightly amusing, but didn't help the scene out sexually at all. I guess when one looks at the rest of the sex here this isn't that bad a scene to end the movie with.

Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4 is a pretty forgettable porno. I know that Cash Markman is well known for making some darn funny fuck flicks, but this time most of the humor missed the mark. There are some amusing comments here and there in the movie, but Randy Spears had most of the comments and for some reason just didn't do it in this performance. Instead of making me laugh he left me wincing almost every time he did his Shatner impersonation. Sadly, there's so much of him to start out the movie that it quickly dug the movie into a hole. It was kept down by special effects and animation which were overly cheesy even by low budget porn standards. The sex didn't help it either, and rarely made it past the average level while often feeling like it was cut short. I will admit that the plot does pick up and work fairly well for the movie, but there's just too much weighing it down for it to be too enjoyable. If you're an overly horny geek or a fan of cheesy porno, Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4 might work for you, but others might want to leave this one floating in space.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery includes about a dozen okay looking full screen photos. Trailers are included for Blue Erotica, Moist, My Sexy Sleep Over, Phuck Fantasies, and Sexual Chemistry. There's also cumshot recaps, commercials, and DVD credits.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, rimming (male > female), and feet

Raincoat Factor: Medium

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Platinum Blue's DVDs can be found online for between about $15 and $25 with a few stores offering them for under $20. Rent this one or aim low first. There's some amusing moments, but most of the time the sex and the jokes fall short. The technical aspects make it above the average mark, but there's no real effort put into the extras. This is a disappointing release.

Note to Platinum Blue: If you're going to list a running time, please list one that's at least somewhat close to the running time of the movie. Also, if you're going to give credit to somebody in the movie for shooting behind the scenes, please include a behind the scenes featurette!

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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