Running Time: 108 min.
Production Date: 4 / 8 / 2001 (cover), 7 / 13 - 14 / 2000 (feature)
Director: Nicholas Steele
Cast: Jewel DeíNyle, Nikita Denise, Bridgette Kerkove, Gauge, Heather Lyn, Orchidea, Terri Summers, Mark Davis, Dale DaBone, Lee Stone, and Steven St. Croix, listed here as Jean Luc Goddard, in sexual roles and Jason McCain (who pretty much just has a glorified cameo, and a few others in non-sex roles
Initial Expectations: Iíve had good luck with Adam & Eveís Premium Collection, which gives me good hope here.
Initial Reaction: Iím not sure how this got the Premium Collection label. Skip it.
Who Should Watch It : People looking for a tame adult film with above average chemistry and a lot of close-ups
Who Should Avoid It: Anybody looking for a very well done feature or very hot sex
Audio /Video Quality: The audio leaves a bit to be desired. Some of it feels like it was maxed out when recorded, which gives it a kind of scratchy sound. Most of the audio during the sex scenes is dubbed, and most of it quite poorly. The balance also feels off in much of the sex scenes. The video is pretty clear, but there are a few shadows that interfere a little in places, quite a bit of noticeable mild slow motion, and the aspect ratios appear to be tweaked a little. Thereís also quite a few artifacts throughout the feature that make the video look a little sloppy.
Music: As with many of Nicholas Steeleís features, the music is done by Saint. Although I think Saint does some of the best music in the adult business, I wasnít as impressed with it here as in other features. Although the music is balanced nicely with the rest of the audio, it often doesnít fit the style of the scenes and ends up holding them back, most noticeably Jewel DeíNyleís scene.
Disc Complaints: Unlike most of their releases, Adam & Eve did not include a time stamp on this feature. This is one of my biggest pet peeves as it means that if you want to jump directly to a specific moment in the feature, you canít.
Menus: The main menu is very simple and has a little animation that enhances it a little, but thatís about it. The main menu reminds me a lot of VCAís extremely overused style, which didnít impress me at all. The chapter menu is also pretty basic, letting you choose a scene based on a clip of the scene and a large scene number that obscures most of it.
The Feature: Dale DaBone and Nikita Denise are both looking for the real thing. Daleís stuck in a dead end marriage with bitchy wife Jewel DeíNyle. Nikita works at his supermarket and is tired of going out with her friends and not having anything to show for it. They feel a spark when they meet, and decide to pursue it not knowing that they both love the same TV show. Yes, it sounds a little lame, but youíre probably right.
Heather Lyn starts off The Real Thing with cowboy Steven St. Croix, straddling him as he sits on a bench so she can kiss him and he can kiss her nipples. She dismounts so she can drop to her chap covered knees and suck his cock right down to the base while rubbing her pussy. Heather moves up to fuck Steven in the very appropriate reverse cowgirl before letting him get behind her and ride her bare back. They finish it off with Steven popping his gun on her ass. Itís a pretty average scene. Several of the segments are very long, and thereís at least two spots which appears to be repeated at least once and possibly twice which really brought the scene down for me. Thereís also a bit of motion to some of the scene that might give some people motion sickness problems if theyíre very prone to it.
Bridgette Kerkove and Gauge, who in my opinion is highly overrated even though she does have an amazing body, start the next scene off with a little kissing as butcher Lee Stone watches from behind the counter. Bridgette helps Gauge out of her fast food burger joint outfit to kiss and caress her better before Gaugeís tongue tempts Bridgetteís bald beaver. It doesnít last long before Lee magically appears beside them and they team up to work on his cock. The girls give him a great warmup before Gauge lays on her back for Lee to fuck her as she eats Bridgetteís pussy. Gauge spreads her legs while sitting in the produce rack so Bridgette can fuck her while Lee pounds away on her pussy from behind. The girls finally team up to share an above average pop from Lee between their mouths. Itís another pretty average scene thatís held back some by the camera work and editing.
Dale DaBone tries to satisfy his wife, Jewel DeíNyle by fucking her. Dale starts out eating her pussy as she sits on his face, which makes her happy enough that she goes down to start working on his cock a little through his boxers. They sixty nine a little before Jewel gives Dale a very sloppy blowjob and then climbs aboard for an energetic ride. Jewel lays back for Dale to fuck her next, and plays quite a bit with her implanted tits before Dale coats her thighs and bush with his special skin cream. Itís an energetic scene that seems to have some good heat, but the music and changing camera angles held it back a bit for me.
Terri Summers and Orchidea start dancing at the bar they go to with Nikita Denise, chasing off the other patrons. Orchidea, a cute dark haired girl with a completely shaved pussy, steps out so Nikita can dance with Terri. She sits on the table and watches, and as Nikita starts working Terri over, she breaks out a green dildo to fuck her pussy with. They move the action to the bar, where Nikita eats out Orchidea a little while Terri watches and fucks herself. The girls seem to like Terriís idea, and all break out toys to masturbate with. Things are finished up with a little kissing with Orchidea in the middle, but no tongues touching each other. Itís a pretty warm scene that once again, doesnít seem to live up to its full potential.
Jewel DeíNyle gets busy with TV repairmen Mark Davis and Jason McCain in the next scene. Apparently Mark is a union TV repairman, since he has Jason, obviously an apprentice, do the real work while he fucks around with Jewel. Jewel starts things out sucking Markís cock as she sits in front of him and then has him go directly to fucking her rather than giving her a little warm up. Mark fucks Jewel with both of them standing up before moving on to a some athletic doggie style with both of Jewelís holes. Mark continues to stretch Jewelís ass with his cock in a pile driver position before she takes his milk of manesia in her mouth. Although it seems like there should be a good scene here, the camera focuses on the close-up so much that I often didnít even know what position they were fucking in. This ruined much of the heat of the scene and left it as another scene that came close to very warm.
Finally, Nikita Denise and Dale DaBone find ďthe real thingĒ together in the grocery store where Nikita works. This is a very happy moment in the movie, mainly because it means they can quit searching and anybody who lasted this long can soon get on with their life. Dale kisses Nikitaís tits a little before she drops down to suck his cock while giving him some great eye contact. Nikita moves up onto the register counter for Dale to eat her pussy and then stays there so he can fuck her. She turns around for him to finish her off, and then takes a nice facial. Itís another very warm scene with poor camera work.
The Real Thing has a nice start. People watching a romantic TV show while thinking about how much theyíd like real love in their life. Itís something that almost anybody can relate to, but unfortunately the same canít be said about the feature, as it falls apart soon after it starts. The feature suffers on most levels. On the non-sex side, The Real Thing doesnít seem to know what it wants to be. It has some romance, some comedy, and some failed romance drama with very little of it meshing together. On the sex side, the camera seems to have horrible continuity and concentrates way too much on close-ups. Much of the time you donít even have a clue what position the people are fucking in and the camera moves around so that it might give some people some motion sickness. If you absolutely have to see this one, and I wouldnít blame you for feeling like you do with Nikita Denise in it, rent it.
Extras: Trailers are included for The Fiesta, Emerald Rain, and Naked Hollywood 1: Faking It. Bios are included for Jewel DeíNyle, Dale DaBone, Bridgette Kerkove, Lee Stone, Gauge, Nikita Denise, Heather Lyn, and Terri Summer and Orchidea. Each bio gives a small write-up on the star and a photo so they can be easily recognized. The photo gallery lasts about two and a half minutes with about sex seconds per nice looking photo. The photos are a nice mix of both full screen photos and snapshots, which are put two to a screen to nicely fill things up. Of course, thereís also the standard web site information.
The bonus scene comes from Nicholas Steeleís Invisible and stars Adriana Sage and Nick Manning. After a long and unnecessary lead-in, at least unnecessary for a bonus scene, Adriana and Nick hop in a tub where she gives him a great cock sucking. Unfortunately, it lacks a pop and the blowjob only takes up about a third of the entire scene. The original feature wasnít too bad, but this is a horrible choice as a bonus scene and might make quite a few people who were originally thinking of picking it up cross it off their list.
Finally, thereís a behind the scenes featurette that lasts almost twenty minutes. It isnít that impressive as it starts out, which is mostly due to having poor video quality with bad pixelation and poorly balanced audio. There are nice interviews with some of the cast, and fans of Gauge are going to be really happy with some of the extra footage of her. All of the girls except for Heather Lyn give a short interview, most of which are pretty nice. Jewel DeíNyleís is interesting since she talks about doing a DP with Mark Davis and Jason McCain that wasnít in the movie. Jason did appear, but Iím assuming he flaked since he didnít last more than a few seconds. Nick Orleans has a few comments that are pretty nice, such as talking about how heís including behind the scenes features like this on his DVDs since so many people seem to like them on mainstream DVDs. Iíve enjoyed his features in the past, but heading a comment like that made me all the more impressed with him. Except for the technical problems, itís a pretty good behind the scenes that should please quite a few fans of the stars. I held back from giving the extras a 3.5 due to the some of the technical aspects in the behind the scenes.
Themes: Straight, lesbian, group, toys, masturbation, and anal
Raincoat Factor: Medium
Overall: As with most of Adam & Eveís Premium Collection titles, I expect The Real Thing to be available online for between $15 and $25 with quite a few stores offering it for under $20. Rent this one first, as I donít see it having much replay value. The movieís disappointing in most ways and the transfer has quite a few faults. The extras are above average, but thatís about it.
Note to Adam & Eve: A little more care would have went a long way on this one. As is, Iím not sure why itís part of your Premium Collection.
If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .
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