The first evidence that this DVD will have problems is to look at the cast list. Any production that includes Rob Rotten can be considered second-rate immediately. This guy is a walking freak show, with tattoos covering his entire body and a spiked Mohawk that is just plain frightening. To try to pass him off as a porn star is an insult to all other porners. He is, quite simply, unwatchable.
But I digress. Like “Real XXX Letters,” this flick employs a voiceover of a girl reading a letter from an alleged porn fan. That can be a strong tool to set up a scene when done properly. Here, it reeks of sophomoric love notes.
Crystal Ray starts off the action with John West. Her average looks are ruined by an unsightly tailbone tat. She sports long, blond hair, a lithe body, and natural, medium tits. There are several terrible camera angles employed during this three-position fuck. The film school dropout camerman thought he’d show the world how sex looks when filmed from beneath a table and from behind the performers’ heads. There was a jolting cutaway after the cumshot (to her face) and before the cleanup. Ouch!
The only real cutie on the video bats second. Katarina McKenna has short, brown, curly hair, small, natural breasts, and a slim, tight body. Her romp with Rafe is shot in a dungeon-style room with bad lighting. Too bad, because she’s a sweetie and shows some energy. She’s not allowed to give any loving PCH after the facial, another no-no in my book.
Rather than encourage them, I will simply state that Rob Rotten and (I guess) his wife, Rachel Rotten, perform next.
Ebony Lovely Lexi is anything but lovely. Although she does sport a trim, athletic body with small, natural breasts, her cornrow hairdo is a turnoff. She fucks Hamilton Steele on a table in a warehouse. He sucks her toes midway through the action. After the facial, the camera runs away quickly without any PCH.
Dave Pounder pounds brunette Niki Lynn on a couch during a scene devoid of any heat. Ms. Lynn is probably in her 30s and has “supersized” at McDonald’s a few too many times over the years. She has enough tattoos that her body could be considered a starter set for Rob Rotten. She does give pretty decent head, however. Too bad she takes his pop on her chest. Saving yourself, Niki?
Okay, first the good stuff. 1. The music throughout the flick was decent, with nothing blaring or repetitive. 2. Katarina. That’s about it!
What sucked? Everything else. The voiceovers were insulting to anyone with a seventh-grade education. The scenes were a little short at 8-10 minutes each. I’ve seen a couple of director James DiGiorgio’s other works (“Sopornos”) and find it hard to believe this is the work of the same man. This is porn at its worse. Shame on Smash Pictures for trying to capitalize on the success of another company, a company that knows how to produce a quality product.