This isn’t the first porn movie with this title. Back in 2000, Adam & Eve Productions released Stuart Canterbury’s ‘X Girls’, a parody of comic book adaptations starring Silvia Saint, Jewel DeNyle, Bridgette Kerkove, and Mike Horner as Doctor Wang. Seven years on, and Private are giving us their own ‘X Men’ parody. Andrew Curtis is at the helm, a young director who recently cut his teeth with Private as the writer of Kovi’s ‘Porn Wars’. Curtis’ collaborator is Milk, whose work with CGI made ‘Porn Wars’ a landmark skin flick in terms of the quality of its special effects. For his ‘X-Girls’ cast, Curtis turns to a number of familiar faces, reliable performers such as Tera Bond, Nikki Rider, Judith Fox, Nikky Blonde, Horst Baron and Lauro Giotto. The star credit is for Priva, a petite Thai girl with a perfect pair of tits who was, for a while, foregrounded by Private as one of their hottest contract models.
I awaited ‘X-Girls’ with interest. I knew that Curtis and Milk could put together some cool cinematic set pieces, but how well would Curtis fare as a director of hardcore porn? The answer is that he makes a very good job of it. In each of the seven sex scenes the fucking is varied, the camera is busy and the editing is pacy… the film’s a surefire turn-on! If anything, it’s Curtis’ storytelling that’s wobbly - the thread of the tale is difficult to follow even though individual episodes are spectacular, and the actors’ thick accents often make the lines of dialogue unclear. (In the DVD’s Behind The Scenes featurette, a mischievous Nikky Blonde holds up Curtis’ script to the camera and laughs it off as “shit”… I had a good giggle at that!) It’s the sex which is the movie’s real strength… and that’s exactly what we want in a porn flick!
Scene 1: Roxy (Air Girl) / Lauro Giotto
The first sex scene is a pre-credits sequence which whets our appetite for the main body of the film… it’s a red hot encounter between two horny mutants. Lauro Giotto plays ‘Ignition’, a slick muscle-man with the ability to throw flames from his mouth and roll fireballs in the palms of his hands. We see him leave the Ministry Of Mutant Affairs and drive home to his luxury apartment. He has a relaxing shower then strolls outside to the swimming pool, where an uninvited guest takes him by surprise and boots him into the water. The intruder is Roxy, a vixen superbabe who shimmers in and out of visibility using amazing powers of transparency and translucence.
Roxy will bring a rush of excitement to any viewer who ever enjoyed adolescent fantasies inspired by comic-book heroines. With her beautifully angular face, her flowing black hair and her shapely, statuesque body Roxy could easily have stepped out of the pages of Marvel Comics… but in her case she’s there in the flesh! Her costume is spot on: a full-length black leather coat which billows around her as she blurs in and out of sight (she soon slips out of this); a shiny black ‘one-piece’ which is incredibly brief and snug, disappearing up the crack of her ass; and a pair of black knee-length boots with clacking heels. Roxy’s costume accentuates her full, round breasts, the curve of her buttocks and her bare Amazonian thighs… the perfect look for a fantasy superbabe!
In no time at all Roxy is sucking Lauro’s cock, making sexy wet slurping noises and eyeing up the viewer. She enjoys a vigorous porking on the sun deck and then, beckoning and shimmering, she leads Lauro back inside the apartment so they can finish off their fuck indoors. Lauro can’t get enough of Roxy. Every time they break off for a change of position, he stoops down for a quick guzzle on her cunt or her ass. The scene rocks along to the horny sounds of fucking - with his flesh slapping against her flesh, and their combined moans of ecstasy - and to the rolling, easy riff of the synth-machine ‘porno music’ in the background. There’s no anal sex in the scene, but this hardly matters with so much horny action to relish. For the cumshot Lauro rubs his cock between Roxy’s feet - she’s still wearing those damned sexy boots! - and he spurts an enormous load of jizz across the room. Athough I’m never really a fan of cum-on-the-feet conclusions (they seem to me to be a waste of the spunk) the composition in this case is a satisfying one, showing off Roxy’s curves to full advantage. Pow! Wow! Zap!
The titles sequence is a sophisticated design which mixes the faces of the cast with molecular models, reinforcing the theme of genetic mutations. It’s followed by a comic book pastiche, combining live action with line drawings and captions, in which a gang of lawless mutants rob a jewelery store. With some mutants good and other mutants bad, there’s clearly going to be plenty of scope for mayhem, madness and murder…
Scene 2: Priva (Detrack Girl) / Choky Ice
In this scene Priva’s character balls her boyfriend, Choky Ice, on a king-size bed which is covered in teddy bears. Priva herself is a soft, sensual plaything… a sex toy who pleases her man by wearing white lingerie and feathery angel wings. The bedroom is bathed in an orange light which gives it an almost tacky feel, as if we’re in a Thai brothel, but the sex itself is highly enjoyable. I love it when Choky drills Priva in the doggy position. She looks great, too, performing some reverse-cowgirl anal. As for the money shot, Priva takes Choky’s cum all the way into her mouth, and then she plays with it on her tongue while staring wickedly at the camera.
Afterwards, in bed, when Priva turns to Choky to say how wonderful the sex was, she discovers that he’s died! She realises, to her horror, that she’s actually a mutant who’s fatal to the touch… not even her boyfriend is immune! Priva is understandably distressed by this situation, but The Professor (Horst Baron) takes her under his kindly wing and recruits her to the X-Girls.
The intended narrative spine of the film is Priva’s journey of self-discovery as a new member of this heroic team of superheroes… how she learns to come to terms with who she really is and to use her mutant powers for the greater good of mankind. In the end, of all the mutants on the X-Team, it’s Priva whom the Professor chooses as his back-up for a face-to-face confrontation with his arch-enemy Antoan (Antonio Ross) - this is a measure of his faith in her.
As far as Private blockbusters go, it seems that Priva is the true successor to Mya Diamond in the cute acting stakes. Curtis calls upon her to perform a range of emotions: extreme grief when she realises that, inadvertently, she’s caused her beloved Choky to expire; amazement when she first witnesses an airborne X-Man soaring above the grounds of the Professor’s mansion (“Aaaah… omigod… dis man is flyeeng!”); and wonder when the Professor leads her through a psychedelic vortex of strange lights and shimmering shapes. Priva won’t win any Oscars, but she tries hard with her reaction shots and her efforts are quite endearing. The white hair extensions which fall down one side of her face make her seem all the more cute; they form a contrast with the natural sheen of her raven-black hair.
Horst Baron is excellent as the Professor, Priva’s mentor, bringing gravitas and charisma to the role. Here’s an actor who really knows how to twiddle the brass end of his cane! If mainstream movie-makers ever decide to cast a replacement for Patrick Stewart as Professor X, they need look no further than Horst!
Scene 3: Judith Fox (Hypnotic) / Matt Bird
‘Hypnotic’ has the power to control anyone who looks into her eyes, and here she uses that power to seduce Matt Bird, an investigator charged with hunting down all mutants. Judith’s costume and make-up are brash and brazen, her hair is a riot of cascading curls, and the best way to describe her image is as a knowing porno diva. She fucks her way through this scene like the experienced porn star she is, yet there’s a raw honesty to her performance which suggests she can really feel that cock pounding her pussy and ass. The scene ends with another cumshot directly to the mouth.
Scene 4: Tera Bond (Snow Wolf) / Nikki Rider (Spy Girl) / Horst Baron
Tera Bond and Nikki Rider obviously have a lot of fun performing the lead-in to this scene. We see them strutting their stuff through a virtual environment… two gun-wielding superbabes on an exercise in stealth manoeuvres, stalking and posing around. Flashing lights, Milk’s CGI and various tricks of editing enhance the mutant weirdness of these fabulous X-Girls.
Tera seems particularly wild, with her hair made up in a spectacular nest, and both she and Nikki boast amazing costumes. Private recently auctioned off on eBay the ‘X-Girls’ costumes worn by Tera, Judith and Priva, but I’m wondering where Nikki’s costume has got to… it’s a sexy little gothic number, completely black, and arguably the most exotic attire of the movie! How about auctioning off that one, Private? Any girl lucky enough to get hold of Nikki’s costume would be ‘the belle of the ball’… especially if she went partying in one of Europe’s surviving goth clubs!
Tera explains to Nikki that with their powers of telekinesis they can live out any fantasy they please… so why not imagine themselves having sex with the Professor in a sauna, or in a room with a jacuzzi? That’s exactly what they do… their fantasy becomes a virtual reality, with Horst serving them up a cumshot in each of their chosen settings. The sauna is an enclosed space, so the shooting of the sex is very intimate there. The girls look gorgeous, their bodies positively glow, and Horst gives a deep grunt of pleasure as Nikki jolts his cock to a creamy finish all over Tera’s tits.
Time to cool off by some water… so the threesome materialise beside a jacuzzi. Horst has another erection for the X-Girls to play with… they’re back on his case in no time at all! Body-art enthusiasts will take a special pleasure in this scene... Nikki Rider sports a dramatic tattoo, a complex wing-shaped emblem which fans out either side from the base of her spine. The cameraman emphasises Nikki’s tattoo by including some overhead shots of the small of her back as she mounts Horst or leans forwards for an ass fuck. For Horst’s second orgasm, Tera jerks his cock furiously over Nikki’s back and bum, causing his eruption of spunk to lash down right on top of that distinctive tattoo!
Scene 5: Katalin (Miss Universe) / Cindy (The Kid)
This is a beautiful scene, set at night on a raised, gas-lit patio, overlooking the Danube and the twinkling lights of Budapest. ‘The Kid’ has fled the evil Brotherhood and is scared and confused. ‘Miss Universe’, a tall, sexy blonde, flies down through the night sky to join her… she offers to protect her and look after her. Cindy plays a convincingly vulnerable fugitive, so when Katalin enfolds her in her arms it’s a genuinely tender moment. The sapphic action which follows is a pleasure to watch. Katalin breaks out some dildos and the two girls grind their pussies together on a black leather sofa, bringing each other to a climax. The ambient sounds of the city below them add to the romantic atmosphere.
Scene 6: Nikki Rider (Spy Girl) / Judith Fox (Hypnotic) / Lauro Giotto / Katalin (Miss Universe)
This scene begins with an impressive fight sequence between rival groups of mutants. The battle takes place in a woodland clearing and is immediately followed by a sex session at the same location. The fight consists of live-action stunt work performed by acrobatic supporting artists, with bodies flying through the air and crashing into the trees. (This flying effect is achieved using ropes and pulleys to hoist up the stuntmen at high speed.) CGI-enhanced pyrotechnics contribute to the spectacle, and part of the fun is in seeing the porn stars themselves join in with the action. The excitement of the battle segues into the sex, with Nikki Rider starting on Lauro’s cock while Katalin sucks on Judith’s tits .
Katalin only does lesbian sex in this scene, while Nikki and Judith take turns getting fucked in the pussy and ass. Katalin confines her attentions to the two girls, licking out each of them in between their energetic exercises with Lauro’s cock, but she does play a part in the cumshot finale. While her two spunk-hungry friends kneel down in front of the stud and work him off him to an explosive finish, Katalin stands right behind him and pinches his nipples. Once he’s shot his load, she arrests him by firmly encircling his neck in her arm - a sexy display of Amazonian supremacy which befits her titular status as ‘Miss Universe’.
Scene 7: Priva (Detrack Girl) / Nikky Blonde (Vanessa) / Horst Baron / Antonio Ross
The Professor’s sworn enemy is Antoan, leader of The Brotherhood. Antoan’s evil plan is to assassinate the Minister Of Defence and frame the Professor for the murder, thereby discrediting the X-Girls forever. The Professor realises what his foe is up to and resolves to confront him and prevent the assassination, which is supposed to take place during a boat party on the Danube. Antoan crashes the party with his accomplice Nikky Blonde, but the Professor and Priva are already aboard, waiting for them. The assassination attempt on the Minister fails, although two security guards are dramatically blasted off the deck and plunge into the river. The final confrontation between good and evil is symbolically substituted by a climactic sex scene on the boat, with the two arch-enemies sharing Priva and Nikky. Then the movie ends with Antoan’s defeat: the Professor incarcerates him in a virtual cell in infinite space!
Antonio Ross, who plays Antaon, has a number of scenes in the movie prior to the climax on the boat, although the boat scene is his only sex scene. His earlier appearances are set in his ‘villain’s lair’. Antoan’s headquarters is on an alien world, in a spookily-lit chamber dominated by gothic arches. Early on in the film we are treated to a computer-animated spacecraft flight, transporting the focus of attention from Earth to Antoan’s extraterrestial base. This space-flight sequence is a showcase for the technical wizardry of Milk, the film’s special effects coordinator, and for Melonie Tijor’s beautiful matte painting of a sci-fi city (a background against which the CG models are animated).
Despite all Curtis’ work in setting up an impressive mise-en-scene for the villain, Antonio Ross’s acting performance is a weakness in the film. Antonio attempts to play his character as a comic buffoon, gunning for laughs. I suspect that he’s trying to follow in the footsteps of Mike Horner as Doctor Wang, but his own efforts with buffoonery are, in the end, merely embarrassing. Comedy is the hardest sort of acting to do well, with so much depending on timing, beat and rhythm, yet Antonio struggles to deliver his lines in clear English and for much of the time he’s annoyingly incomprehensible.
It’s interesting to look at the ‘Behind The Scenes’ montage in the Bonus Materials of the DVD, where we see both Antonio Ross and Lauro Giotto clowning around backstage, helping to keep the cast and crew in high spirits. One can’t help noticing that Lauro is the funnier of the two men. He is better at using his physicality for laughs and he has a vaudeville talent for comic timing. The result is that he unintentionally upstages Antonio. Perhaps these two actors should have swapped roles in the movie, with Lauro taking on the comedic role of the villain instead of Antonio… although, as it stands, Lauro does two sex scenes compared with Antonio’s one. Of course, both guys have the ideal physique for a porn movie about superheroes and villains… their bodies are built like comic-book titans and they have the strength of ten men!
The seventh sex scene begins on the deck of the boat as we sail along the Danube past the tree-lined islands of Budapest. Nikky Blonde gobbles Horst while Priva fellates Antonio, then the girls swap around and carry on sucking. Cut to the interior of the boat, where Priva and Nikky raise their asses for some serious pussy pounding and anal sex. Nikky gets extremely excited when Horst simultaneously fucks her ass and fingers her clit. In fact, she’s so turned on that her yelling temporarily distracts the other couple and they take a little break to watch Horst masturbate her to a climax. It’s Priva’s turn in the limelight when the guys give her a DP (double penetration). The camera’s all over Priva’s honey-coloured, tight, firm body as she takes two dicks at once, and she seems to love every moment of it. In the end Priva gets the benefit of both wads of cum - on her face, her neck and her breasts. First up is Antonio, spurting an awesome load over Priva, then Nikky wanks off Horst over the Thai star, shaking out every last drop of spunk. The two cumshots aren’t quite simultaneous but the second follows on immediately after the first and the whole thing is fully captured in one close-up on Priva with no cutting away. That’s a great way to do it, so all credit to Curtis and his cameraman…. an excellent climax for the movie!
In addition to an entertaining ‘Behind The Scenes’ featurette, the DVD’s extra materials include Girls’ Profiles, a Movie Photobook and a Backstage Photobook. There is also a selection of images from two Special ‘X-Girls’ Photoshoots which were first published in issue 75 of Private’s magazine, ‘Triple X’, and which can also be found in the ‘Stars’ section of the private.com members’ site: one depicts Katalin and Cindy making lesbian love in a virtual environment of swirling white-and-purple shapes (there are shades of ‘Barbarella’ in this one) and the other is a costume piece showing Tera, Judith and Nikky Blonde getting it on with Lauro and Matt.
Recommended. As Marvel Comics’ Stan Lee might have put it: “’Nuff Said!”