The Plot: Once upon a time, there was a student nursing program at a hospital. These student nurses were paid a small salary to help them pay their way through school and incidentally gain some experience in their chosen profession. But all is not well in the kingdom of chemical smells and scary people in white coats that keep wanting me to put on that jacket with the long sleeves that is just too tight...
It appears that the nurses have been handing out some rather unusual physical therapy treatments to the patients. "Unusual?" I hear you ask, "What do you mean, unusual?" It's a porn movie, take a wild guess. In fact, after the morning rejuvenating treatment on a very happy patient, our hero Andrea (Nina Hartley) gets called into her supervisor's office (Jon Dough) where she gets the bad news: The hospital is cutting the budget, and specifically her student nursing program. Naturally, since Andrea's job is the student nursing program, she is out the door when the program ends as well. Of course, she could find a place helping out the boss in a [cough] administrative position. Probably doggy style.
Without the nursing program to pay the bills, the students can't afford to stay in school. So they start doing some creative accounting. Apparently the patient pounding sessions can be billed as "Physical Therapy" and part of the cost gets kicked back to the nurse. The more "therapy" they do, the more money they make. At this point, I have to wonder why they don't just go walk the street corners. They would probably get a higher percentage. HMOs make lousy pimps, despite the similar style of clothing.
However nice this solution may be, one of the student nurses (Asia Carrera) betrays the others by squealing the plan to the administrator. She strikes a deal with the devil: She'll deliver evidence of these activities in return for keeping her job after the purge of the nursing staff. Oh, he wants a blowjob to seal the agreement. Can't say as I blame him! I'd want one, too.
In a really lame excuse for a plot contrivance, the student nurses and their matriarch become aware of the plot to end their careers. Oh horrors! The evil king is going to banish us from the kingdom? Whatever shall we do? Rest assured, it's going to involve a lot of sex. Sex solves everything. Okay, maybe not calculus problems, but even then it puts them in their proper perspective!
The Cast: Naturally, the lovely lady that is leading this pack is Asia Carrera. She's looking as good as ever with some of the most natural looking fake tits and the best hair in the industry. One of the best parts of having her in a film is that she can actually act. That and I have a personal crush on beautiful women who are smarter than I am makes Darkmage a happy camper whenever she appears on the screen and the Darkmage Magic Wand comes to full attention when she starts to shed clothing.
Nina Hartley is another welcome addition to the acting portion of this movie. Personally, she's not my type but I will give credit where it is due. Don't know what Nina Hartley looks like? Watch for the eyeballs. Nina is, if I remember correctly, formerly a nurse so she slides into this role like she's putting on a latex glove. Joining her is Sindee Coxx, who slides into her role like she was putting on a leather corset. Nici Sterling and Brittany Andrews round out the female flesh for this movie. Oh god, I could happily be cured of limpness just by listening to Nici's voice and I'd injure myself to get "treated" by her blowjob therapy!
The guys in this feature are reasonably talent people. Steven St. Croix plays the opening patient and then disappears for the rest of the flick. Jon Dough is the sleazy department administrator. Once again, Vivid proves to us that it pays to be an asshole in a porn movie because you get laid more than any other person in the film! Tom Byron and Bobby Vitale are the other two guys pressed into stud service, not that they're complaining all that much. No, there's not much complaining at all in this film. Jon Dough in particular gets to ravish Asia Carrera at the end. I don't know too many people who would complain about that!
The acting performances are reasonably good in this film, when you can hear them (check out the Image/Audio section for more details). Asia Carrera in particular does a very good job as the seductee when paired with Sindee Coxx. Nina Hartley is a little over the top, and Brittany Andrews needs a lot of work. Jon Dough and Stevie St. Croix do pretty well in their own right.
The Sex: Yeah, yeah, yeah... enough about the plot and the people! How is the pussy pounding? Not bad, really. We start the movie's festivities with Nina Hartley and Asia Carrera giving Steven St. Croix a helping hummer. It is an interesting comparison to see Nina and Asia together like this. It's like watching Dorothy and Glenda the Good Witch get freaky on top of the Scarecrow. Overall, it's not a bad scene, but there is nothing really impressive about it. Nina and Asia have some girl- girl foreplay at the beginning that looks pretty good, and Stevie finishes all over Asia in truly spectacular fashion. I think he was aiming for her stomach and overshot into what looks like the wall behind her head. Never underestimate the power of Asia's pussy.
Like all porn movies, occasionally you get subjected to the cinematic no-no. For example, you must introduce characters before you spend fifteen minutes of screen time on them. Not in this porn! In today's example, Nici Sterling walks in and starts giving Tom Byron a sponge bath. Naturally, sponge bath proceeds to hand job, which then progresses to blow job and then sex. Lots of sex. Pretty good sex, actually. Nici has this soft voice and accent that just inflates her sex appeal almost up to the pressure levels of her chest. Good stuff, and these two work pretty well together. Nici lets Tom go exploring up the back entrance and they finish off in fine fashion. A fair amount of energy in this scene, and it starts with a great looking hand job/blow job opener.
Having agreed to betray her fellow nurses, Anna (Asia Carrera) arranges to tape record one of her fellow students, Bridget (Brittany Andrews), giving a birthday surprise to one of the patients. Normally, I would be depressed to spend my birthday in the hospital, but our birthday boy (Bobby Vitale) gets to bang one of the nurses as a present. I know beggars can't be choosers, but when three sexy nurses say "Happy Birthday", I would hope that I get to screw more than one of them! But I could be happy with a Brittany Andrews ball draining, yessirree... Anyhow, this scene is okay. Nothing really interesting or memorable about it. It's two people having sex on a hospital bed. Just like the scene before it, and the scene before that. Okay, at this point I'm hoping for a scene in the physical therapy room, or at least the cafeteria.
Wow, be careful what you wish for! Sindee Coxx and Asia Carrera have a little tryst in the autopsy room. Okay, I can think of exactly three hundred and fifty-seven places that are more erotic or at least conducive to a good time than the autopsy room of a major hospital. What the fuck are you people thinking? I am not a fan of the whole "take a cold bath and lie real still" routine. Besides, they have a terrible tendency to sneeze at an inopportune moment. But despite the incredibly poor choice of locations, Sindee and Asia work really well together. Asia gets blindfolded and thoroughly seduced by Sindee in a quick and slurpy girl-girl scene. I'm not really all that into all-girl scenes, but this one is solidly in the "good" category. Not great, but good.
Anna (Asia Carrera, again) and the administrator (Jon Dough) consummate her betrayal in the same room where she just got licked into sweet bliss. Great job, guys, not only did you pick a pretty twisted location, you did it twice in a row! Ewwww... Anyhow, Asia and Jon Dough work pretty well together. With a little warm-up time to get in the mood, Asia gets going when Jon starts sliding in and out. She thrashes a bit and wiggles nicely, but her trademarked "I-can't-believe-I-get-paid- for-this" smile is sadly missing. She's still good enough in the sack (or in this case, on the dissection table) to inspire Jon into a good spurt shot. All in all, it was a pretty average scene with an above-average looking lady.
In summary, the sex in this movie was passable. This is a typical Vivid porn movie in just about every way. Typical plot, typical quality of sex, and in the next section, you'll see it has the typical Vivid quality of...
The Image/Audio: The image is actually pretty bad for a DVD, but it is what I have come to expect from Vivid's Wave DVDs, especially during what I like to call their "dark period". Compression artifacts abound, but are not too distracting. The lighting is competent, but severely uninspired. The camera angles show a similar trait. Pretty much it just looks like a reasonably clean transfer, nothing special. The audio alternates between mumble and clear. The background music is either absent or just kind of "there" for the scenes. Neither good nor bad, just "there" with the minor exception of "there" being louder than the level at which the actors are recorded. The real problem is the poor audio during the dialogue, making you crank your volume up to hear what they're saying and then back down to avoid having fake moans and synthoporn make you blow your eardrums instead of your load.
The Extras: One side of this disc is filled with nothing but trailers and some bonus material. This is to compliment the four trailers on the movie side of the disc, too. There is a really lame cast biography and an even worse advertisement for their web site. Here's a hint Vivid: Put the actress on a beach, and not in front of a blue screen. That way the towels will not look like they're floating in midair. There is also Vivid's stupid fucking "Intel. Sex" thingy. This one is a beach where you click on an object in the picture and you get a scene with god knows who doing god knows what from god knows which movie. God must know, because they're certainly not going to give you a clue. They're also not going to give you more than about 60 seconds of this "intel sex". Not even enough time to do anything.. er, complete. And when I say "60 seconds" I mean exactly 60 seconds. The flip side with the trailers and the bonus scenes are done moderately better (but then again, a Penthouse magazine is better than that "Intel. Sex" thing). You get to pick a particular lady and you get three scenes with her in it. The scenes last about two and a half minutes each and there was only one problem I noticed in the menu selection. You can also choose to view the scenes by themes, such as group sex, exotic, all-girl, etc.
The Good: Asia Carrera and Syndee Coxx.
The Bad: Lame plot, ho-hum sex, poor image quality and terrible audio quality.
Overall: Eh, it's okay as a rental. The only thing outstanding about this DVD is exactly how mediocre it manages to be. It is typical of the product that Vivid has become known for. I mean everything is typical. From the extras to the poor video to the lousy audio all the way to the mildly warm sex. Typical.