Mr Beaver Checks In #10
Directed by Frank Thring
Starring: Brandy, Jasmine, Katherine, Nicky Reed, Sabina, Silvia Lancôme, Frank
Gun, George Uhl, Jeff the Hatman, Zbynek and Frank Thring as "Dick Beaver"
Running time: 1hr 37mins
Frank Thring directs and takes the title role as Mr Dick Beaver, a travelling
businessman whose bumbling attempts to strike it lucky with young women form
the basis for some light-hearted hardcore fun which attempts to blend porn with,
as Frank admits himself, as many Benny Hill gags as he can fit in to one movie.
Mr Beaver is in Prague, where he chats up pale, interesting dark-haired Sabina
(oft-times accomplice of Rocco and Nacho) at a pavement café. In her bedroom,
the lecherous old fellow sets about her, lifting her skirt to lick and finger
her pussy, giving her a taste of herself before he whips it out and she wraps
red-painted lips round his gristly todger, with far too much ease. I'd rather
look at Sabina's fair skinned form than Mr Beaver's slapstick attempts to undress,
but anyway, more oral follows and just as he thinks it can't get any better,
Sabina's boyfriend turns up at the door, and Beaver has to hide behind the curtains.
The boyfriend turns out to be this odd-looking no-neck guy (I guess he's Zbynek)
who appeared with her in a scene for Gabriel Zero. They kiss and he gets naked
for some oral, then he eats and fingers Sabina for too long to keep interest.
While Beaver hides out, they make out, with Sabina's boobs wobbling nicely during
spoons, a long spell of doggy and finally reverse cowgirl anal, with a break
for more fellatio. Sabina ends up taking the lad's load in her face, while a
rueful Mr Beaver peers out from his hiding place. While I like Sabina, I can't
say this scene set the screen alight, even if she does take a rare excursion
into anal territory.
I shall spare you the detail of the preliminaries, which involve Dick Beaver
hamming it up while visiting his buddy George (the overworked Czech stud) and
his new secretary, Silvia. The net result of some terribly English humour of
the "comedy of embarrassment" school sees Beaver and Silvia caught in a compromising
Anyway, George makes up for his friend's wacky behaviour by getting it on with
Silvia, the super sexy brunette who you may know as Miss Afghanistan in Rocco's
movies. She actually doesn't look as good as usual, wearing too much make up
and dressed in a halter-top and slacks. She gives George a good blowjob, her
big eyes making pleasant contact with the camera, then it's trousers down, panties
to the side and I think "taken from behind" is the appropriate phrase. They
get into one of those half-spoons/half-missionary positions, and I note that
while she's trimmed her bush, she's still a lot hairier down there than the
average porn starlet. Next up is some anal in missionary, with an increase in
pace rather spoiled by editing that pays scant regard to continuity. To finish,
there's a big cut before George shoots a thick load on her face…oh, that smile,
those dark eyes. She's positively wicked, but you'll have to look elsewhere
to see her in something really hot - this was a strictly routine scene.
Nicky & Katherine
Gormless Dick Beaver is next seen wandering along with tiny little blonde cutie
Nicky Reed on his arm. Indoors, she looks very cute indeed, but when she offers
him some tea, he'd rather have cake, preferably spread on her twat. She looks
bemused as he laps cream from her pussy, but not half as bemused as our "hero"
when in wanders Katherine (I guess), who initiates a slapstick moment with that
cake and Mr Beaver's face. They're lesbians, you see, and with Beaver out the
way the action cuts to the giggling girls - oh yeah, they're real lesbians,
kissing like that!
Nicky's perky paps are exposed and Katherine licks them, prior to licking and
fingering Nicky's little pink pussy. Katherine then slips off her dress, revealing
a very slender frame, and gets on the table doggy style so Nicky can lick her.
Nicky then sucks a banana in preparation for Katherine to fuck her with it,
but no actual penetration is shown, for whatever reason, and the scene
fades on more tentative kissing. What a fraud! What's wrong with the creative
use of fruit in a sexual context?
…or at least, by a process of elimination, I guess that's who it is. When Beaver
overdoes the complaints about his noisy hotel neighbour (a singer, played by
Hatman), he goes to apologies but finds himself trapped in a wardrobe while
the surly American puts the annoying Englishman out of his mind by relaxing
with this rather skinny blonde. Initial looks are deceptive, especially those
legs in black nylon, because Jasmine's just not my cup of tea.
Whatever, she does give good head, they get into some deep missionary sex and
then she rides him reverse cowgirl, those little titties (topped with thick
nipples) shaking. Hatman licks her anus and though there's no anal, there is
a nice shot of her nylon-clad legs and some explicit footage of doggy penetration.
Cut to a come shot blasted, unappreciated, onto her screwed-up face, and as
Hatman goes for a shower, she ironically drawls, "I'm so happy!" Looking for
a towel, Hatman finds Mr Beaver cowering in the wardrobe. "You're that Limey
bastard," growls Hatman, and gratifying sounds of a good beating emanate as
the door closes.
It's a grey day in Budapest, but Brandy adds an unexpected dash of colour to
Mr Beaver's visit to a doctor. The tanned, leggy brunette (who was in Hardball
16 as a blonde, I think) confides to Beaver that her problem is one often found
in porn movie doctor's surgeries - she's a nymphomaniac. The bumbling medic,
played woodenly (no pun intended) by Frank Gun, suggests washing the dishes
or pottering around the garden, but thankfully she cuts the crap and goes straight
for his crotch.
While she sucks off the doctor, Mr Beaver exposes her "enhanced" tits, but unfortunately
he's after more tan just a quick feel and offers up his dick for her attention
while Frank's busy licking her pussy and ass. Doctor Frank continues the therapy
by fucking her in spoons, while she continues blowing Dick. Literally. She briefly
rides Mr Beaver reverse cowgirl, then Frank takes over. A big black cut signals
the jump to anal, doggy style, and though there's a smoother transition to reverse
cowgirl anal, it's still the hardest sex of the movie, as Frank fills her ass
and jams three fingers in her open snatch. Two large watery loads drench her
face in the finale. Even if this is a better scene sex-wise, it's still nothing
out of the ordinary.
I appreciate that the Mr Beaver series is meant to be about saucy fun and slapstick
humour rather than serious hardcore. But whether it's worth spending your money
on is another matter. Because Frank Thring comes across as a likeable guy -
even if I really don't want to see him get naked - and because the humour has
a very basic appeal, it would be tempting to go easy on Mr Beaver 10. However,
the hardcore scenes are largely a waste of time for me, and indeed, in the case
of Silvia and Sabina, a waste of talent. I don't think any of the girls were
shown at their best.
I did laugh occasionally and I did like the cheeky, cheerful approach
(the kitsch music helps, something akin to the tongue-in-cheek style of the
British Channel 4 TV show Eurotrash, which casts an arched eyebrow over smutty
continental happenings), but in truth, on its own, the comedy is really not
that hot. I wouldn't accept a comedy film of this standard, but without the
humour, there would be little else to distinguish the generic hardcore.
One part isn't enough without the other, but somehow, when taken together, they
still form an inadequate movie, one that's not especially well shot or edited
either. And despite Frank Thring's claims to the contrary, the undercurrent
of "dirty old man" is quite pervasive, no more so than when you see the middle-aged,
grey haired gent toddling along with the petite, youthful Nicky on his arm.
What does that look like?
Putting aside initial annoyance at the ads and trailers that you can't skip,
the animated menus, with Mr Beaver rather laboriously explaining what the options
are, show some imagination and the colourful presentation is well in keeping
with the movie's cheeky humour. However, the movie itself is not quite so colourful
- indeed the picture is somewhat dowdy in places. Picture quality, then, is
hardly dazzling, but the sound has no obvious flaws. The selection of extras
is limited to some photos and a standard Hustler selection of trailers, but
a "Behind the Scenes" short is very entertaining and Frank Thring speaks well
about his movies, even if it's too short and seems like another standard feature
of this series (the content is not specific to this edition).
Note that the two girls in the main cover picture don't appear in the movie.