Stars: Annette Haven, Lisa De Leeuw, Kay Parker, Danielle, Dorothy Lemay, K.C. Valentine (as Kimberly), Rhonda Jo Petty, Billy Dee, Mike Horner (as Don Hart), Eric Stein, Hershel Savage (as Jack Black), JOey Silvera, Jon Martin and Michael Morrison
Running time: 1 hour 12 minutes
I saw this in the theater—the first of only two pornos I ever watched that way, and I don't remember a thing about it except that I saw it.
This is a "golden age" (1982) feature that came out as the XXX version of "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." It lacks the songs (which might have helped) but it vaguely follows the plot: local sheriff loves the local whorehouse madam. Everything is fine until an evil evangelist gets a stick up his ass and decides to protest it. Love wins out in the end and everyone who wants to gets laid.
Being a golden age feature, the story takes a larger portion of the movie than it would in later films. It's very much a movie of that time: it's on film and they actually put some effort into making it look pretty on screen; some scenes are dreamy, some are moody, none have that kleig-lighting look that's more common on videotaped flicks. The music is actually pretty good, varied, and fits the mood. Even the worst of it never gets down to the bow-chikka-wow crap that infects many features from this time.
What made the movie forgettable to me, even though it stars three of my favorite women (Annette, Kay and Lisa D), is that it's a pretty vanilla movie. The sex is what you expect from the era: a large emphasis on blow-jobs, a lot of vaginal sex in various positions, no anal, more missionary than we often see today, and not quite such an emphasis on close-up stroking. That's all fine with me, except that there's still nothing to really differentiate this from a hundred other movies I've seen with the same sex acts. Marilyn Chambers getting fucked on a pool table was memorable—this stuff just isn't.
There are 10 sex scenes (according to the IAFD) with some decent combinations; Annette Haven only appears with Mike Horner (though she teams up with Danielle in scene); Kay Parker is in one with Eric Stein and two more as part of groups. Lisa De Leeuw is only in one. But besides the mostly MF fare, there's some FF and a little bit of group action going on.
Special features: just a skimpy photo gallery; everything else is advertising of some sort.
Production values: this is where I went from apathy to anger. Nearly everything about this DVD looks like it was done by people who hate their jobs. The menu is ugly and a mess. There are maybe three chapters and it makes no sense—keep hitting the skip button on the remote and it'll take you out of the movie and into other sections.
I don't know where the transfer comes from; my guess is that it's from a fair videotape. The video image are acceptable on my old-school CRT television but looks fuzzy on my computer. Audio is so-so.
The truly unforgivable part is trying to force me to watch ads for phone sex lines by disabling the skip and FF functions. It's one thing to sit through the FBI warning, but I'm not going to sit through advertisments, and it certainly doesn't make me want to give them my business.
Final verdict: it's a mediocre golden-age movie that's destroyed by a DVD transfer that so bad that Alpha Blue Archives laughs at it. If you want to watch the movie, find it on videotape or on a streaming video site.