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Major Slut
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Major Slut

Studio: Cream
Category:  Straight
Starring: , , , , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:Streaming/Download
NeoBumCleaver's ratings for Major Slut:
Overall Rating 1 star
Major Slut overall rating 1 star
Female Looks Major Slut Female looks rating 4 stars
Male Looks Major Slut Mael looks rating 1/2 star
Sex Major Slut Sex rating 1 star
 
Plot/Acting Major Slut Plot/Acting rating 1/2 star
Extras Major Slut DVD Extras rating 1/2 star
Audio/Video Quality Major Slut A/V Quality rating 4 stars
Worth$0.45
Rating Scale
Reviewed by NeoBumCleaver  on  3/19/2006
Introduction

Major Slut is the first and hopefully last film I ever view from Cream Entertainment. It deals with the adventures of a hot slutty army chick who happens to be named Major Slut. This is one of the more unimpressive pornos Iíve seen in a while.
The first thing that happened when I put Major Slut in the dvd player was I was treated to a bunch of advertisements, mostly for phone sex numbers. The movieís menu called the commercial a ďtrailer.Ē the funny thing about it is Iíve probably watched these commercials more than Iíve watched the movie. These one minute little clips are better than the film Major Slut. Most of them are just a girl sucking a dick and telling you to call the number, but they say some pretty hot dirty talk while theyíre trying to get into your wallet so itís kind of hot.
When all the advertisements were over the menu for the movie came on. I clicked on play movie and my adventure, or perhaps misadventure with Major Slut began.

Plot

The entire movie of Major Slut seems to be a series of dreams playing out in the character, Major Slutís head. At different times in the movie youíll see her jump out from sleep and someone always asking: ďBad dreams again Major Slut?Ē aside from all that, the movie seems to have no plot whatsoever. Itís just a bunch of random scenes that seem to be half-assedly tied together.

Scene for Scene

The first scene starts off with these two guys pretending to be Russian. They joke with each other about how they want to fuck and stuff and none of the jokes are very funny. It doesnít take very long before Major Slut walks up to them and asks for directions or something. Soon Major Slut is faced with a decision that she so adequately describes as: ďCocks, or compass.Ē
So Major Slut gets down on her knees and starts sucking the guys off. She does one of the guys while the other one seems to get a thrill out of beating her in the face with his dick. Major Slut seems to pride itself on being a rougher than average porn. Later on in this scene. One of the guys grabs Major Slutís pussy and like pries it way open so you can paretically see her kidneys. Itís not the kind of thing Iím used to seeing in my porn.
So Major Slut sucks the guys and then fucks one and sucks the other and then she gets DPíd. Itís a little bit rougher than average but nothing thatís too big a deal. If you like hardcore porn youíre not going to be grossed out... yet.
I must warn you and say that this is the best scene in the movie. Major Slut, (Rikki Anderson) is pretty damn hot in a slutty, blond, fake-titted, porn star kind of way. The movie slowly goes downhill from here. So you might wanna get off to the first scene and not watch the rest of the movie.
The second scene features a wicked slutty looking blonde at a job interview. The guy makes some comment about how people who work there need a big ass and the girl responds by sucking him off. She does that for a few minutes and then rides him and thatís pretty nice because she doesnít ride him long before the rest of the scene involves her getting anally screwed.
This scene is okay until the part where the guy fucks her up the butt while sheís laying on her side. It seems more painful than sexy, and it seems to go on forever. Finally after looking at that red anus for what felt like hours, the guy cums in the girlís face. My first thought was: ďThank God thatís over.Ē So the second scene is half good and half bad. so far we have one ok scene and one kind of ok scene. Well the rest of the movie really starts to suck so brace yourself.
The next scene starts off with Major Slut walking around a dark room filled with guns in the nude. She masturbates while looking at these firearms for some reason. Your guess is as good as mine as to what the hell this scene is supposed to mean, but thatís really all it is. A chick, with guns, masturbating. Iíd like to point out that this segment isnít sexy at all. Major Slut doesnít really seem ďintoĒ the whole fucking a rifle butt thing and also, the camera does an extremely annoying double vision effect a lot of the time that serves no purpose other than blurring your view of the parts you want to see.
The gun scene only last a few minutess before we see Major Slut dreaming again, and this time itís an entirely different situation. This time, Major Slut is a prisoner. She apparently was captured by two hot women. The scene starts off with the extremely unfunny line: ďtell us your mission Major Slut. We can do this the easy way, or the porno way.Ē seriously, not funny.
After some boring banter Major Slut is left alone with a decent looking Asian chick whose duty it is to ďteachĒ Major Slut some thing. So now we come to the lesbian scene of the film, and it sucks. Iím not the biggest lesbian fan, but that isnít the problem here. The problem is that this Asian girl who is dominating Major Slut shouts out a lot of random things like an abrasive robot. It seems, for the lack of a better word, fake.
So this Asian Automation calls Major Slut a slut and a whore and a pig and such in her native tongue (although it could have been complete gibberish for I know) and gives her various orders to lick her boots and suck her gun. Again, itís not sexy. The woman shouts orders with a complete lack of interest or realism.
After the boot licking, Major Slut gets toed for awhile. Yes, toed, you know like fingered, but... you know. This whole feet licking/getting toed segment seems to drag on for a very long time. I know lesbians like to take their time, but speaking for myself I can honestly say Iíve never really discovered the erotic qualities of the human foot.
So after a lot of foot play Major Slut starts eating the other girl out. So finally, at least a part that I understand. Itís pretty generic lesbian stuff except for the Asian still barking out orders in that annoying way. Also there is this one part where Major Slut really pinches on the other girlís clit, it made me cringe a little because it looked painful.
So eventually the Asian breaks out a dildo and starts screwing Major Slut while going on about how Americans are stupid or something. She then puts on a strap on and fucks Major Slut doggie style. This is the best part of a bad scene, but the annoying Asian still manages to ruin itís erotic qualities.
After a few minutes Major Slut suddenly flips out and pushes the other girl off of her, stating: ďThatís not how you fuck me bitch!Ē she then climbs on top of the strap on and starts proclaim that this how to fuck and starts spouting a lot of pro American phrases like: ďGod bless America.Ē Now seriously, I donít want to start a political debate with this review, but what the fuck? Do I really have to deal with this shit in my porn now? Canít my porno just be a porno? I really donít need to think about the state of the world while Iím jerking off. In fact, Iím most likely jerking off to forget the state of the world.
After far too many minutes of hearing how great Americans are at fucking. The scene abruptly ends with Major Slut standing up and taking a piss all over the other girl. Needless to say I didnít see that coming, but the image of a stream of urine splashing on a big black strap on is burned in my brain for the rest of my exsistance.
If you managed to watch the movie for this long (and honestly I donít know why you would) then congratulations! youíve made it to the final scene. Unfortunately the last scene is very difficult to sit through, well unless youíre into fucking machines, urine, and well, thatís pretty much it.
The scene starts off with the girl who was in the beginning of the last scene, but then left right away. Sheís talking to some dude (theyíre both terrible actors) about Major Slut. After some debating, this guy who is apparently a general tells some top secret information in exchange to a trip to the girlís ďplayroomĒ which consists of a bunch of women getting fucked by a bunch of robots. Oh, but before I go on, I should mention that the guy drinks a wine glass of the womanís piss first.
So the girl and the general walk around the room watching various women getting fucked by various fuck machines. As they view the various situations the girl rubs the guys crotch a little bit. The machines are mostly just a dildo that moves back and forth or spins around. Not exactly grade A animatronics.
The women themselves are all pretty attractive, but that doesnít save the scene from lacking depth. Itís just random flashes of different girls having a dildo fucking them automatically. The camera changes too often to get into a specific girl, but maybe thatís the point of the scene. Iím not really sure.
Finally after what felt like forever I actually got to see some real fucking. The general and the girl get it on for awhile in a pretty standard porno way. I was pretty happy with this until the camera felt the need to return to the fuck machine scenes every five seconds. So what we end up with is ten second tidbits of normal porn sandwiched between five minutes of sex robots. I was repeatedly clicking my fast forward button to say the least.
At the end of the scene I was treated to the rather unpleasant sight of the general fucking a robot with a fake pussy. Why the hell anyone would want to fuck a robot while a real woman is right under them is beyond me, but thatís what happens. He then pulls out of the robot and cums all over the real womanís face. The last sex we see in the movie is a dude fucking a machine. It didnít exactly leave me on a high note.

Audio/Visual

Major Slut is a newer porn, so it does offer DVD quality visuals and sound. Itís a shame it rarely has anything good to show itís audience however. The production quality is decent, but this movieís sub par approach to everything else stands out way more than that.
I donít really have anything to say about the music of Major Slut because there is hardly any. The music of this film is more like background noise. Itís usually just a low humming to create ambience or something I guess. Basically there is no music so I canít really say anything about it.

Final Analysis

Major Slutís biggest failing is that it canít decide what kind of porn it wants to be. Does it want to be a bondage porn? Does it want to be a urination porn? Does it want to be a rough porn? Or does it want to be a fuck machine porn? The fact that it tries to cover all these different generas of fetishes with four measly scenes makes the film fall flat on its face.
Seriously, if someone wants a urine porn, theyíll get a urine porn. If someone wants a fuck machine porn theyíll get a fuck machine porn. I find it very hard to believe there is a market of people who want to see a semi rough, bondage porn, with golden showers, robots, lesbians, foot play and is also pro American.
Just who the hell is this movie trying to please? I have no idea, but it failed to please me. I think there is a very small population of people who would actually be turned on by all the various fetishes this movie presents. Major Slut has an identity crisis, plain and simple. It couldnít decide on what it wanted to be, and as a result it turned out to be nothing special.



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The opinions expressed in this review of Major Slut from Cream are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.