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How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse
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How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse

Studio: LBO
Category:  Anal , Classic , Instructional
Directed by:
Starring: , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:DVD RentStreaming/Download
astroknight's ratings for How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse:
Overall Rating 0 stars
How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse overall rating 1/2 star
Female Looks How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse Female looks rating 3 stars
Male Looks How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse Male looks rating 2 stars
Sex How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse Sex rating 1 star
 
Plot/Acting How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse Plot/Acting rating 1 star
Extras How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse DVD Extras rating 0 stars
Audio/Video Quality How to Enlarge Your Penis & The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse A/V Quality rating 1.5 stars
Worth$2.50
Rating Scale
Reviewed by astroknight  on  9/28/2005

The Little Details

Running Time: 59 min.

Production Date: 11 / 20 / 1995

Director: Scott Taylor and John Stagliano

Cast: Scott Taylor, Erica Boyer, and Mark ‘Dick O Death” Wallice

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I’m not sure why, but I’m not expecting much here...

Initial Reaction: I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody who thinks that John Stagliano started at the top or who wants a good laugh

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting a good instructional release

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects definitely show the age of the movie. The audio has a loud hiss in the background as well as a few background noises. The video is also slightly blurry, grainy, and has an offcolor bar along all four edges. This is not an impressive looking or sounding release.

Music: None for How to Enlarge Your Penis. Loud and cheesy music for The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse.

Disc Complaints: The authoring is pretty bad here. There’s time stamp to let you jump to wherever you want to go in the feature.

Menus: The menus are so basic that they’re almost laughable. Instead they come off as sad. The main menu has a still with a couple clips form the movie while the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each movie with a number.

The Feature

This feature collects two pseudo-instructional releases from the mid-nineties.

Scene 1 - How to Enlarge Your Penis - Scott Taylor and Erica Boyer

Scott Taylor introduces himself to start things out and talks about the penis pump. He talks about how he’s been pumping for about five years and how he gets together with his buddies so they can pump themselves up as well as how his girlfriend loves it. Scott decides that talking about it isn’t enough, so he pulls down his pants, strokes himself, and then starts pumping himself while talking about how much he loves the pump and how much everybody he knows loves the pump. After pumping himself for about ten minutes, Scott takes it off and starts stroking it while talking about how it feels like he’s stroking somebody else’s dick.

Scott calls Erica over, and when she shows up they continue to make laughable comments as he tells her that he’s been pumping himself for her. He breaks out her tits and sucks them as she pumps his cock before letting her pull the pump off and suck his dick a little. Scott spanks Erica’s tits and licks her bald beaver a little before fucking her missionary style. They also get in a little reverse cowgirl fucking before Scott spanks the monkey a couple minutes until he can pop on Erica’s tits.

This is one of those scenes were I can’t help but think of Phoebe in Friends asking “Is pathetisad a real word?”. I also couldn’t help but think of the episode of Penn & Teller’s Bullshit where the guy who tried one of these talked about it feeling like his penis got caught in the vacuum cleaner. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry here, as Scott made late night infomercial sales people look like complete professionals. The only really positive thing I can say about it is that the camera work does seem pretty good as it moves back and forth between Scott’s face and the pump, but at the same time I think I would have liked it a lot better if it would have looked away. I don’t know if this scene was supposed to be taken seriously or not, but I sure couldn’t. I couldn’t help but laugh through most of it, and when I did think about it I was thinking of who I could pass it off on.

Scene 2 - The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse - Erica Boyer and Mark “Dick O Death” Wallice

Erica starts things out in a white shirt and stockings talking about anal sex with the same late night infomercial host enthusiasm that Scott had talking about the penis pump. She talks about playing with her ass while fingering it before talking about how the pain of anal sex is like a shot, and just like getting a shot, if you close your eyes it turns to pleasure. She also talks about the joys of enemas before bringing in her really good friend (as long as you don’t mind him faking HIV test results) Marc Wallice. They quickly talk about the importance of lube before Mark lubes up Erica’s ass and slides a couple fingers in. She reciprocates by sucking Mark’s cock before they both moan like crazy as Mark’s cock slides around outside Erica’s pussy. They finally figure out how to spoon, and Mark fucks Erica’s pussy before she puts his cock in her ass. They also get in a bit of anal missionary, reverse cowgirl, and doggie. Finally, Mark pops on and in Erica’s ass while continuing to fuck her doggie style.

This is an almost average scene. I’ll admit that my main problem is that it has Mark Wallice, but it also has a little too much of the laughable cheese that ruined How To Enlarge Your Penis. I mean, close your eyes and it’ll feel good just like when the doctor gives you a shot? Erica does look like she’s into the action, but there’s so little decent information here that it fails as both an anal scene and as an instructional scene. This is not a good scene.

I’m really not sure how to take How to Enlarge Your Penis and The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse. If one takes them seriously, they’re bad enough that you might feel the tears forming. The acting makes Skinemax movies look like Oscar quality films and the movies don’t ever feel overly instructional. If one’s to watch them for a laugh, then they’re better but still not quite enjoyable. Both movies here almost seem like porn sendups of late night infomercials, only they’re just a little too serious to be taken completely as gag movies. For good parts in the movies, well, sadly I can’t really think of any. The camera work was okay, and it was edited pretty well, but with Stagliano behind the camera even when he’s starting out I’d be willing to check out his work. How to Enlarge Your Penis and The Fine Art of Anal Intercourse is an hour I’ll never get back.

The Extra Stuff

None

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, toys, masturbation, anal, and cream pie (anal)

Raincoat Factor: Medium high

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of LBO’s DVDs can be found between about $10 and $20, with stores normally having them at one end or the other. This one’s so bad that it’s almost funny. The technical aspects pretty much suck and there’s no effort put into the extras. Only pick this one up if you feel you’ve done something you need to repent for or as a gift for somebody you owe some payback.

Note to LBO: Thank you for at least making this a double feautre...

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