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Handsome
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Handsome

Studio: Vidco
Category:  Gay

Released on: 
Where to buy:DVD NewDVD RentStreaming/Download
joeblow69's ratings for Handsome:
Overall Rating 1.5 stars
Handsome overall rating 1.5 stars
Female Looks Handsome Female looks rating 0 stars
Male Looks Handsome Male looks rating 2 stars
Sex Handsome Sex rating 2 stars
 
Plot/Acting Handsome Plot/Acting rating 0 stars
Extras Handsome DVD Extras rating 1.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Handsome A/V Quality rating 1.5 stars
Worth$5.00
Rating Scale
Reviewed by joeblow69  on  1/8/2001
Boy, you know you’re in for a treat when a DVD starts out with the message, “Digitized from original film. Picture quality may vary.” Handsome is one of those late 70’s Joe Gage flicks that nostalgia buffs seem to go crazy for. Gage was the mastermind behind “LA Tool and Die”, “Kansas City Trucking Company”, and “El Paso Wrecking Corp.” If you’ve seen any of those, you should have a pretty good idea what to expect.

First things first, I have a serious beef with this movie. I feel I was generally deceived into buying this. The back of the DVD promises “no rubbers…all natural, wanton filthy fucking, horny hard dick, ass-ramming orgy, all man classic sucking, fucking, and more”. Sounds hot, doesn’t it? Well guess what? The reason there are no rubbers here is because there is no fucking what- so-ever in this movie.

But, “joeblow”, you say, “clearly the back of the DVD shows people fucking”. To which I reply, “They had to put the fake fucking pictures on the back, because if you knew what kind of movie this really was (a sub-par jack-off movie) you probably wouldn’t buy it.”

It’s hard to believe, but the majority of this movie is a bunch of guys jacking themselves, and each other, off. There are a few blowjobs sprinkled here and there, but for the most part, it’s Masturbation City. (Take me down to Masturbation City, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty…)

Here’s a very quick rundown of the whole flick:
2 guys jerk off while talking on the phone
Around 10 cowboys jerk each other off in a cabin
Around 6 guys jerk each other off in a shower and movie theatre
Around 7 guys jerk each other off in an office room
2 guys jerk off in a car, while another guy watches (and jerks off)
A whole gaggle of men jerk off in a very dark room

If you pay close attention, you will notice that the same guys show up in just about every scene. They range from slightly scary to relatively good looking (good looking according to 70’s standards, that is).

As I mentioned before, there is some oral sex here as well, and some of those blowjobs even end in oral cumshots! It does seem like there were quite a few missed opportunities, though. All that flowing cum, and only 3 or 4 shots landed on someone’s mouth! It’s a travesty, I tell ya.

There aren’t any natural grunting or groaning sounds, only some mellow 70’s music overlaid with someone’s cheesy attempt at dirty talk. The narrator goes on and on about sweaty jock straps, bulging crotches, flowing sperm, rippling muscles, etc. For some reason it worked for me with scene 4, but it just got distracting in the other scenes.

The video isn’t really that grainy, but there are quite a few white squigglies that show up fairly often (probably resulting from scratches on the master tape). A lot of the scenes are just way too dark. There were a few spots where it didn’t seem like there was any light at all, and I had to squint to try to figure out what the hell was going on.

But is it hot? If you’re really into guys boppin the bishop, then sure… this’ll be right up your alley. Would I ever watch it again? I don’t know, maybe. If I did, it would only be to catch the few glimpses of semen swallowing. This will probably be the last of the late 70’s pornos I buy. The bad lighting and crappy video quality just aren’t worth the few seconds of pre-condom action. Just give me condom-covered stud puppies fucking their hearts out under 10 studio lights and I’ll be happy.

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