Maybe to many of you, the name Kovi does not ring a bell,
but a lot of people who are involved with adult videography recognize
his significant role in the early millennium’s adult productions.
At that time, the acclaimed Hungarian director made many videos for the
"PRIVATE" Swedish company, taking the “Fetish” series
under his control and delivering his personal distinctive mark in the
company’s line. His early creations were made by the German adult
filming standards, but through the years, he developed his own shooting
style, influenced by Frank Thring, Antonio Adamo and later by Michael
Ninn’s capturing art. I don’t know if Kovi is still filming,
but I personally think he was a very capable director who was constantly
improving his techniques, movie by movie. He was creative, very erotic
and had a great sense of beautiness and sexuality. Nevertheless, for me,
Kovi was something more. He was the person who brought one of my all times
favorite adult starlets out to the spot lights and made her shine under
his guidence. If you haven’t yet figured out for whom I am talking
about, I will just spell one name. One name which stimulates my senses
to unbelievable levels and makes me, tremble at its sound. Michelle Wild.
Ok I will be honest with you, Michelle was the main reason I got this
tape. I recently (Well…not so recently) reviewed a film containing
her called “Nasty Dreams”, which was one of the last films
this gorgeous babe had ever made. I promised to you another rare review
of her appearance and folks… today my promise is fulfilled. To those
who don’t know, Mrs. Wild has retired a few years ago, due to her
marriage and birth of her daughter. This title has not yet been reviewed
by anyone else so I consider it a pleasant duty to be the first.
FIRST. MAYA GOLD & NIKI BELUCCI WITH CHOCKY ICE
The film starts in a garden, out in the fields, where there are
happy young men and women dressed in white chitons, dancing, laughing
and having fun. The picture it’s blurry and it’s like
it was just taken out of a 70’s handheld camera. There is
no sound of the festivities, just the same music which is played
on and on.
Our first scene is “emerged” from a pastel canvas portrait
where Nikki Belluci’s beautiful face is pictured on. Nikki
is a slim natural brunette, product of Hungary. Gradually, the hazy
picture clears out and becomes alive with the help of some nice
morphing special effects. We are smoothly transferred to the interior
of a mansion and we are watching a gorgeous creature walking down
the marble stairs, dressed so elegantly. It is Maya Gold. Maya is
another blonde erotic female being who possesses a marvelous body
and very expressive large light colored eyes. Her styling attire
is similar to a late 30’s diva. She stops before reaching
the bottom. Niki is sitting at the first steps leaning aside against
the banister. Maya opens her sleek beige stocking covered leg and
positions it over to Niki. The brunette responds by petting Maya’s
silky calf very very sensually. For those you dig in leg fetish
activities this is a footage you must not miss. The photography
is brilliant. Maya looks straight to the lens enticing us silently.
Chocky Ice is sitting comfortably in a Victorian decorated couch
smoking a cigar and witnessing the whole scene. All of the participants
are very sophisticated dressed. I love the way Kovi captures some
details. Lots of eye-contacts and gross plans. Maya licks her lips.
The picture fades a bit delivering a more glossy approach. Maya
sits across Chocky looking at him. She opens her legs and lifts
her dress alluringly. The guy observes her sober. It is obvious
Kovi is trying to raise the heat and my opinion is that he manages
to succeed it in an important grade. A cut away at Niki’s
figure, as she watches them carefully. Meanwhile, Maya has already
approached Chocky and had pulled off his fat dick. I guess she couldn’t
hold on any more. She starts jerking it slowly. There is a big shot
of the action. Soon her tongue is wrapped around his cockhead and
a very hot blowjob ensues. Niki licks her fingers. There is a cut
and after that we notice Maya’s panty which was pulled aside
and Chocky burying his cock in her pussy in standing doggy manner.
Her dress was taken off and Maya’s awesome body is exposed.
The doggy shagging is captured nicely and Maya shows that she is
enjoying it as she is pushing towards her partner’s thighs
with her hand. Maya has a tight slit and the big cock stretches
it wide. Switching to reverse cowgirl we have the chance to admire
her fabulous bodily attire. She bounces up and down with gusto while
Niki a little further, plays with herself. She decides to take energetic
part into the action and position herself above the guy’s
head. She moves her black lacy see through panties aside and places
her delectable pussy onto Chocky’s face, rubbing it on his
Cut. Wooh! That’s something we don’t see often. Niki
has her vulva plugged in standing doggy, her body is leaning backwards
to her lover and her right leg is lifted up high behind her, almost
reaching her back. She holds her feet there while Chocky nails her
for good. Well something tells me that Niki might have appeared
in gymnastics contests or at least in a circus acrobatic show. Maya
is in front of her sitting on the couch using Niki’s leg to
rub her clit. She also licks Niki’s lips. Soon Chocky withdraws
and goes up higher shoving his rigid pole deep into the brunette’s
tight asshole stubbing her in the same odd but noticeable manner.
Not very long afterwards Chocky brings himself to orgasm spewing
his semen on Maya’s pale face.
This was a very erotic scene, masterly captured by Kovi. I loved
the elaborated clothes and set up and the director’s devotion
to detail and to the alluring atmosphere he wants to create. However,
I really feel the scene should be last longer. Additionally, there
are no speaking, moans or any other sounds except music. Although
the sensualism level was high, I believe Kovi could have sustained
some certain stimulating physical sounds of sexual contact. Anyway,
only by this scene we can figure out how Michael Ninn and other
American directors have affected Kovi’s directing style.
SCENE SECOND. LAYLA HILL (KATA HILTON) & KATALIN.
Kovi edits again the garden festivities footage. He adds some honey
dips, some fruits in the mix and tria la la…tria la la. The
same trick with the painting picture follows, leading us to the
A very pretty face of a female is on display as she is putting make
up in front of a mirror. She is a brunette with dark eyes. Her name
is Layla Hill. The camera turns right and the characteristic dark
silhouette of another woman can be distinguished behind the curtains.
Kovi again shows his artistic skills exposing his lens to the light
and using a blur filter to shoot the scene. The shadow woman enters
the room. She is Katalin, a chestnut Goddess who possesses an exquisite
body. She gets her top off and a wonderful set of tits are disclosed
for our viewing pleasure. Oh yes! She plays with her self alluringly
while her friend is busy watching her own reflection. Finally Layla
turns around facing Katalin and decides to pay some attention to
her. Meanwhile the chestnut woman has taken off her skirt. Both
girls’ legs are covered with silky black stockings. I personally
love the site and texture of a stocking covered woman leg.
Things are getting kinky as Katalin applies a big black strap-on.
The brune gets down on the floor and starts crawling towards Katalin.
She starts sucking the black plastic dick as she is teasing herself.
Gros plan of Layla taking a technical blowjob. Even if the dick
is made from plastic the picture is nice. A close shot of Katalin’s
face reveals her stunning beautiness. She has remarkable green colored
eyes, which can make you lose your mind staring them. I have never
seen Katalin before and my admiration about her is growing rapidly.
Try to imagine Katalin’s long legs spread wide, her stroking
her enhanced cock slowly and between her legs and below the arch
which is formed by them, the anticipating figure of Layla preparing
her pussy for thorough invasion.
The brunette woman lies on the bed comfortably having her arms extended
on the bed post. Katalin approaches her and starts licking her nipples
outside her white shirt. Kovi again provides us with fantastic images
that prove his undisputable sense of eroticism. It’s obvious
Layla’s nipples are stimulated. Katalin’s tongue slips
upon Layla’s body hills reaching her nether regions and occupying
the wet lightly bushy valley that exists in there. Layla of course
enjoys her girlfriend’s oral treatments. After salivating
her properly Katalin uses the strap-on to penetrate Layla’s
love tunnel in missionary, as the last one is lying on the bed having
her right leg upon her friend’s shoulder. Katalin gets rid
of the strap on and lies face up on the bed as her pretty friend
stands upon her head enjoying a pleasureful cunnilingus. The girls
change roles and it’s about time for us to witness Katalin
lower orifices. Their bodies are combined in the famous 69 pose
as both of them are getting orally satisfied. There is a cut and
now the girls have her bodies positioned in such a way that allows
them to rub their pussies simultaneously like two scissors one between
the other. A metallic vibe is also applied for some extra pleasure.
The girls stay like this until they reach orgasm, at least they
look like. Finito.
That was a very nice lesbian touch from Kovi, but again the duration
of the scene was short and the lack of natural sounds, at least
in my preferences, was against the overall appeal.
SCENE THIRD. CONY
FERRARA WITH RENATO.
tralala tralalo footage with merry people cheering up in the country
side. Well folks, I would strongly recommend Kovi to change a little
bit each scene’s intro because it gets ridiculous and monotonous.
Again the same painting trick before we are heading to our next
When the picture gets clearer we see a blonde girl standing motionless.
A green filter is applied on the camera lens while Kovi delivers
us some artistic spots of her body parts taken as photo instances
in different small rectangular portions of the screen. The blonde
girl is Cony Ferrara and she is standing still pretending a human
size doll or statue. Renato is passing in front of her a few times
and every time he passes, Cony has one clothing part less. As her
dress is taken off we find out she wears chic black lingerie and
stockings. Soon Cony’s ample silicon enhanced tits are exposed.
I think she is visiting the gym quite often because she has very
well formed amps. She has a big tattoo in her front but we really
can go through unnoticed.
You know what happens in porn in these cases. Yes, yes you guess
right. The doll or statue of Cony magically comes to life when Renato
decides to stop in front of her and start touching it. The guy proceeds
on kissing her and caressing her body, as well as groping her breast
and licking her nipples. Cony turns around providing Renato the
back portion of her wonderful body. He continues to pet her, paying
more attention to her round firm ass and her knickers free pink
soaking wet slit. She then returns the favor pulling out his massive
cock and starting blowing it. The camera goes low below his crotch
and Cony can’t wait any more. She wants to feel Renato’s
big dick inside her so positions her self in standing doggy, grasping
his manhood and leading it deep inside her vagina. Renato responds
to her lust by drilling her hard in this pose. The penile reaming
is hot and Kovi captures it in many angles. Cony shows us her shape
leaning her head down to the ground as she is rubbing her clit.
She appears to like it although there is no sound present except
music. She even raises her left leg up providing us a better view
of the penetration. Renato takes a break in order to taste her holes.
He salivates her asshole thoroughly and manages to shove a finger
inside. We are waiting for the inevitable, but instead, a few moments
later the busty girl is witnessed on the ground enjoying a proper
muff diving by her lover. Renato drives his partner crazy and Cony
is battling on the ground as her body is quivering from sheer pleasure.
Next in the scene’s positions menu comes the Reverse Cowgirl
station. Her entire luscious body is on display as Renato pounds
her meaty pussy fast from below. The moment of truth has come as
the guy shifts holes pushing his pole in Cony’s tight rectum.
Renato is not gentle with her and he spears her ass in the same
revealing manner. The nailing is quite energetic and Kovi captures
it in Antonio Adamo’s style. Not long after Renato unloads
his sperm fuel upon her face and open mouth. Then Cony spits it
on the marble floor and licks it like a dog.
Good scene. Kovi raises the heat with proper rhythm and intensiveness,
providing a hot and hard gonzo coupling. Unfortunately the previous
negative issues continue to exist as the lack of sound becomes more
crucial in this case.
SCENE FOURTH. MICHELLE WILD WITH
MICK BLUE & LAURO GIOTTO.
Shhhhh! The scene starts.
Lots of garden shit again before…Michelle Wild’s beautiful
pale face is formed on the painting canvas. Ok folks, I have already
said it, but I will say it again because I like to watch it written.
I LOVE THIS G...GIRL. I LOVE MICHELLE WILD. Watching her in the
street without her make up on you might not recognize her …That
is true. But from the moment the lens of the adult director are
laid upon her …holly molly! Your heart will start pump so
fast, that you will soon need a cardiologist’s prescription
to relax afterwards. This girl is unbelievably attractive, sexy,
hot, willing, sensual, creative, skilful, lustful, wild. She can
run a show all by herself. She is a porn phenomenon and I strongly
protest her name, as one of the greatest adult stars of all times,
even if her career was relatively short.
To those who didn’t have the pleasure to see her before, Michelle
is a very pretty busty Hungarian brunette with captivating light
coloured eyes and a wonderful luscious body built by Goddess Venus
She is sitting on a classy toilette watching her own fascinating
reflection on a mirror. She spends some time with her self, observing
her beautiful face and admiring her precious jewels she wears. There
is a cut and we now witness two men one after the other walking
into another room and sit comfortably on the big bed that exists
in the middle. They are Mick Blue and Lauro Giotto. It is obvious
Michelle plays the role of a high class prostitute that she has
the difficult task to please not one but two customers to please.
Difficult? Oh no, not for Michelle. For her it seems a very pleasant
duty. Sometimes for some particular women like Michelle, one lover
is not enough, she needs at least two to satisfy her immeasurable
hunger for lust.
Our gorgeous starlet enters the room where the guys are end a few
moments later she engages in a short but always sensual strip tease.
While her clothing parts are taken off, the poor guys look at her
carefully enjoying what their great fortune has planned for them
this evening. Michelle unfolds her sexual talent enticing our screens.
She is a sex Goddess. She ends up with only a pair of ed stocking
covering her legs. She positions herself between them and the more
intimate part of the show begins. Michelle gives a gentle kiss to
Mick petting his cheek. Lauro on the other side is busy licking
her tits and massaging her curves. The guys know that Michelle is
the object of their desire and treat her accordingly. Mick’s
tongue runs down her sensitive neck as she responds with enjoyment
while at the same time, Lauro pets and salivates her precious derriere.
Michelle’s buttons are definitely pressed on and the lovely
princess willingly returns the carnal care. She loosens Mick tie
and then her mouth slowly moves down on his tight muscular body
kissing and licking in its way through. Cut. The boys are laid on
the bed next to each other and Michelle kneels in the middle stroking
their dicks with each of her hands. Soon her rosy lips are touching
their dick helmets and a few moments later the lucky guys take a
first sample of her skilful blowjob technique as their rigid poles
are lost in her oral cavity.
Eventually Mick gets in position behind Michelle and inserts his
cock in her tender pussy while she is still sucking his friend's
tool. Mick applies long strokes into her pussy as he is probing
her like a good stallion. Kovi captures the action nicely with lots
of different angles and distances. Lauro claims his own share on
her and dives his thick penis in her womb spoon style. Lauro probes
her good while she and Mick exchange tender kisses. Lauro reams
her pussy in furious rhythm. Michelle enjoys the nailing very much.
Lauro even manages to extend her pleasure further by rubbing her
clit all along. She blows Mick while cupping her plentiful breasts.
Suddenly my screen starts shinning as her beautifulness is on full
display. She moves her juicy attire up and down on Mick’s
thick pole in reverse cowgirl fashion and the site is more than
remarkable! Voila! Her majesty, Michelle Wild! Mick stuffs her cherry
well from beneath while her tits are swaying uncontrollably with
My day is made as Mick shifts holes pushing his long stick right
in her tight anal spot. Reverse cowgirl, the anal version with a
sizzling luscious female like Michelle Wild is a mind blowing spectacle.
Well my comments are unable to describe the site of Michelle’s
full bodily figure bouncing with gusto as she is getting anally
ripped from beneath. Lauro of course can’t be complained because
he too enjoys Michelle’s mouth around his penis. However with
this girl before you it is natural to get a little bit greedy! That
delectable pussy of hers is widely exposed and Lauro can’t
stand out more being passive at its site. Not minding about his
friend’s mass, which is already occupying Michelle’s
clutching asshole, Lauro steps in and shoves his thick respectable
size cock all the way inside her wet inviting pussy. Our gorgeous
brunette has both of her lower holes stuffed at once and as soon
as both guys commence sliding in and out of her slots, a damn brilliant
RC DP ensues for our viewing amazement.
Kovi covers the double penetration nicely applying many angles.
A close low straight behind their crotches view unveils us the sheer
stretching both Michelle’s love holes are suffering, as these
genetically blessed boys are pummelling away at once. When the lens
is zoomed out we can additionally witness her sexy legs spread wide
and her shoes empty feet laid upon Mick’s thighs. Certainly
the foot fetish fanatics will love this one. Furthermore as our
eyes are exploring the picture we can even spot Michelle’s
unique facial expressions, showing us how much she enjoys being
double drilled like this! (I would also like to hear her stimulating
moans, but unfortunately Kovi replaced the physical sounds with
Although I would have also preferred to spot a few angles more (Some
of those perfect angled DP samples of modern porn got me greedy),
yet I am glad that today, I was fortunate to witness a very hot,
sensual and rear (* see below) DP of this startling wild babe, captured
nicely by one of the masters of erotica. There is a cut and then
we see Mick oozing his sperm on Michelle’s open mouth and
tongue. Lauro is fucking her in the missionary position for a little
bit before the scene is closed when he finally erupts on her well
trimmed pubic area.
Well, for once more the star of this unbelievably sexy female creature
shines. Michelle Wild is an exceptional sexual performer and proves
it again. She always holds the right keys to captivate her audience
and offer great amounts of sensualism and heat. A Michelle Wild
scene is always worth to bee seen. I am a huge fun of her and I
am really really sad knowing that I won’t be able to see her
again. The scene was satisfying even though I believe it should
be last longer. Kovi could have very well managed to add a couple
positions more as well extending the current. After all her majesty,
Michelle Wild rightfully deserves it.
SCENE FIFTH. EMESE WITH MICK
a last time the painting effect takes place after a little bit of
garden celebrating nonsense. Really folks until now I haven’t
yet figured out what the merry garden stuff has to do with the overall
flick. They used to believe that a woman’s soul and mind is
an abyss, well, what must someone says about Kovi’s case?
The final scene starts somewhat abruptly as we watch a guy fucking
a skinny brunette in the traditional missionary pose. They are both
upon a bed positioned outside in the fields. The girl is Emese.
She wears only a small white see through veil. Her head is decorated
with laurel from flowers. The guy who fucks her is Mick Blue. While
Mick is pumping away, Emese is holding tight a red blanket. Kovi
adds some artistic blurry effects and then the young female proceeds
to oral treatments, giving head to her partner. She uses lots of
saliva when Mick’s long pole slips into her throat. Emese
gets on all fours and Mick moves behind her. But instead of probing
her in this pose he starts licking her fresh pussy. I am sure Emese
wont mind at all. She uses some fingers in her love funny too as
the girl accepts gladly Mick's attention.
What about a little spooning? Mick gives it to her fast in this
manner and Kovi captures it nicely. The loving duo engages into
some tender kisses before moving on with the reverse cowgirl position.
Emese possesses a rather meaty pussy and it is hot to see Mick thick
cock stretching its pink lower lips wide as he nails her from beneath.
Although Emese looks so innocent, she doesn’t hesitate to
take Mick’s shaft in her tight asshole. A steaming anal slamming
ensues in the favorable Reverse Cowgirl manner and Emese’s
rectum gets it the hard way. Ultimately we watch her sucking her
lover’s member until he unloads on her pale face.
It was an ok scene, containing a few romantic elements and a hard
anal finish. Young Emese shows that she fucks well but her looks
didn’t do the trick for me. It’s a bit skinnier than
I would prefer.
Well, I am surprised! This was surely one of the very rare DPs Michelle
Wild had committed in RC form. Of course Michelle Wild funs are aware
that, in her early “Private” years and in many movies that
followed after, the juicy Hungarian brunette was applying a DP almost
in every one of them. (And boy they were many). Yet, all of the times
her DP was setup in the usual cowgirl form. (Someone could even notice
that Kovi was frequently using the same positions in all through Michelle’s
scenes making them very predictable). Kovi and the other directors had
managed to offer us some very hot DPs, done in this form, Michelle was
stunning as always, so nobody could complain about anything. At, least
not before a friend of mine a fanatic admirer of this astonishing starlet
made me a reasonable question a couple of years ago. “I was
wondering Rev why this luscious babe had not done DP’s in a more
revealing form?”. Then he showed me a list of all Michelle’s
titles, their directors, a short review of each film, as well as every
exact sexual position and act she has committed in it. Then he announced
me all of Michelle’s previous DP experience and tried to explain
me his thoughts about it. “The case is simple Rev, we have a
girl tolerable with anal treats and quite experienced with the DP action.
We are in a porn age (let’s call it the early RLD era) where other
DPs except the traditional one (CG) was finally a reality and a common
task. So what’s wrong? Why can’t we admire Michelle’s
gorgeous succulent attire in an awesome full body perfectly angled, most
revealing DP, like some of those we have the privilege to witness in the
majority of modern gonzo films today? Michelle’s frontal exterior
is more than stunning, she has magnetic face, unforgettable eyes, an impressive
natural rack, a glorious curvy body and my God I believe it is a crime
not to expose it, even during this extreme controversial act of DP”.
Then after an hour or so, my answer was: “P. Don’t you
have something better to do?”.
Of course, I didn’t pay any serious attention to P. considerations
at that time, but as the months were passing by this ridiculous question
was troubling my mind. Every time I watched a DP in an adult movie I was
thinking about Michelle’s case. Then suddenly I said, “Oh
come on…” and a little bit later my obduracy urged me to look
for a satisfactory answer, not because I had a particular interest about
it, but because I wanted to give a fucking end. At first glance the answer
can lie between four possible reasons. 1. Michelle was not comfortable
or she couldn’t complete certain DP positions. 2. The directors
who shoot her didn’t appreciate or weren’t so capable of setting
up those DP’s 3. The directors who filmed her were only interested
in the DP action itself and not in its visual appeal. And 4. The overall
sexual attraction of those poses was not as great and successful as expected
to be and the scenes were finally cut. Well, after a little research I
made and a thorough examination of the facts, now I believe I am in position
to give a satisfying answer to my friend P. (I can now be called DP detective.
Yeah… I know…For God’s sakes!) It’s all of the
above reasons P, a little bit of each.
So P. and every P. listen up. Michelle Wild had not got any serious hesitations
on committing DPs in other positions other than the CG one. On the contrary,
like most of the DP experienced starlets, she too loved the feeling that
a well performed DP (for example in RC way) could offer to her. Unfortunately,
her physical anatomy doesn’t actually help her male partners to
apply a decent double penetration in a face up position. Check out why.
Michelle's big firm round butt cheeks and the position of her asshole
between them prevented a cock from penetrating her deep in the RC anal
position. Especially during the RC DP body placements the anal penetration
was relatively shallow and a second dick up in Michells's tight cunt usually
caused the bottom dick to slip out. It needed Michelle and the male talents
bodies to be placed in the exact proper order to achieve a decent double
penetration in this way. Can you believe that explanation? Neither did
I, but it’s absolutely true.
Sadly, most of the directors who filmed her didn’t possess the
appropriate technique to set up the DP footage and the angles they were
choosing to capturing it were definitely not the right ones. Thus, most
of the times the visual outcome weren’t successful and the directors
who weren’t eager to insist on such a position quickly abandon it
and carried on the usual and most efficient recipe. Some of them even
consider that one DP position is more than enough and a second pose it
would be quite an exaggeration. Finally, Michelle’s porn service
didn’t last long enough, so she didn’t get the opportunity
to participate in some of the current company’s DP scenes. Why I
am saying that? Because some of the directors of those companies had developed
flawless techniques to set up and cover the most directionally demanding
position at the most physically demanding female bodily figures.
So why I bother to write all these stuff? Well…getting more and
more involved with porn industry and learning some of its secrets helped
me out to understand how complicated some of the actions and positions
we witness in our screens are. Taking Michelle’s Wild as an example
I have learned that even someone’s body analogies female or male
are crucial for performing certain positions or acts. Damn, some of the
directors are true scientists! Think about it folks. Most of the action
we enjoy today, the acrobatic positions, the exciting shots, the deep
anal reaming, the double dick cramming, the restless pummeling and the
magnificent covering are all results of hard work of everyone involved,
deeper knowledge of the sexual act, great experience, skillful direction
and years, years of porn evolution.
For those who keep scores P. informed me that only two directors (both
of them have been adult performers) had managed to capture a decent DP
of this explosive baby in RC form for just a few seconds.
by Downunder(ADT member)
Sean Connery joke.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite
his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.
Lulu, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Lulu said, "Sean, if Ah'm no bein too forward, Ah'd
love tae hae sex wi an aulder man. Let's go back tae mah place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says,
"If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and
we can have even better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my baws in
your left hand and my wullie in your right hand."
Lulu looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay."
He sleeps for half and hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.
Then Sean says, "Lulu, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep
for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my baws in
your left hand, and my wullie in your right hand."
Lulu is now used to the routine and complies.
The results are mind blowing. Once it's all over, and the cigarettes
are lit, Lulu asks "Sean, tell me, dis mah haudin yer baws in mah
left hand and yer wullie in mah right stimulate ye while ye're sleepin?"
Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I shlept with a Glashwegian,
she shtole my wallet."
PS. The Joke is greater if you consider that the author is Australian.
No offense about Australians, after all I Adore Australia and Australians.
It is just that I liked the accent emphasis the author gave...lol
by Budtugley(ADT member)
A guy dies and arrives in Hell. Dejected, he's sitting on the side of
the road when a demon walks up to him. 'Why so sad?' 'I'm dead, I'm in
Hell, what could be worse?' 'Hell isn't so bad--we have lots of fun around
here,' the demon explains. 'Let me ask you this. Are you a drinking man?'
'I've raised a few glasses in my time and had a few hangovers,' the man
tells him. 'Well then, you're going to love Mondays! On Monday, we drink
all day long--from the time we wake up until the time we retire at night.
We drink the best gin, bourbon, scotch, vodka, tequila, you name it. We
down the best French wine, the finest French champagne, and we drink enough
beer here to float an aircraft carrier. We drink til we puke then we drink
some more.' 'OK,' the guy replies. 'Let me ask another question. Do you
like to smoke?' 'I used to love it but I quit for health reasons.' 'Health
reasons?' the demon laughs. 'You're already dead. There's no cancer here,
or heart disease. Nothing like that. You see, on Tuesdays we smoke all
day long. We have enough tobacco to make a mountain range. The finest
smokes on the planet. Your own personal humidor of the finest Cuban cigars
is the size of a railroad boxcar. We smoke all day Tuesday until we turn
green and then we smoke even more.' 'Fine by me,' the guy says. 'Let me
make another inquiry. Do you like to gamble?' 'Sure, I go to Las Vegas,
pull slot handles, play blackjack, visit the track on occasion. Yeah,
I guess I like to wager.' 'You're in luck!' the demon tells the guy. 'Wednesday
is gambling day. All day long. We bet on the horses and greyhounds, we
play roulette, blackjack, craps, pai gow, you name it. We play golf for
money, throw darts for money, shoot pool for money, wager on sports events.
All day long on Wednesdays, that's what we do. So what if you lose your
shirt? You've got nothing to lose.' The guy is perking up a little. 'Let
me ask another question? Do you do drugs?' 'Not too many,' the man explains.
A few I suppose.' 'Thursday is drug day. All day long too. There's no
addiction here. We shoot up what we want to. We have every pill you can
think of. Blue ones, pink ones, white ones, yellow ones. Laughers and
screamers. Uppers and downers. We've got crack and smack. We've got weed
and speed. We've got coke and smoke. Why, we smoke joints around here
the size of baseball bats. All day long on Thursday, we do drugs.' The
guy nods his head. 'Yeah, it doesn't sound too bad around here after all.'
'Let me ask another question,' the demon tells him. 'Are you gay?' The
guy shakes his head and says, 'No, I'm not gay.' 'Shit,' the demon tells
him, 'you're going to hate Fridays!'
OFF TO VEGAS
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch
with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get
$400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to
come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'