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Debbie Loves Dallas
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Debbie Loves Dallas

Studio: Vivid Alt
Category:  Alt-Porn
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:DVD NewDVD RentStreaming/Download
Tristram's ratings for Debbie Loves Dallas:
Overall Rating 2.5 stars
Debbie Loves Dallas overall rating 2.5 stars
Female Looks Debbie Loves Dallas Female looks rating 4.5 stars
Male Looks Debbie Loves Dallas Male looks rating 3.5 stars
Sex Debbie Loves Dallas Sex rating 3 stars
 
Plot/Acting Debbie Loves Dallas Plot/Acting rating 1 star
Extras Debbie Loves Dallas DVD Extras rating 3.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Debbie Loves Dallas A/V Quality rating 4 stars
Worth$10.00
Rating Scale
Reviewed by Tristram  on  10/25/2007
Eon McKai is probably one of the most controversial directors in porn, some people love his stuff, others hate it. Personally, Iíve found some of his work (like Art School Sluts and Girls Lie) great, but at times it seems like heís main interest is to impress his own his mates rather than to arouse the viewer. And that can be a problem if what youíre doing is porn.

The Story
Letís get one thing out of the way to begin with: this is not a remake of Debbie does Dallas. There is a girl named Debbie and there is a band called Dallas and there is some loving going on, but the whole cheerleader thing only makes a brief appearance in the beginning of the film by way of a little homage to Nirvanaís Smells like Teen Spirit video. Instead, the film tells the story of Debbie and her friends working their ways towards the lead singer of Dallas. Thereís not really much more to say about it story-wise except that this is a movie about groupies and what groupies might do rather than any cohesive tale about the trials and tribulations of young aspiring cheerleaders. Not that I care personally; groupies or cheerleaders, I donít have any fetish for either, I just want good feature porn. Now, Eon has at times delivered that in the past and he clearly wants to make porn that is cool and intelligent, which is fine since most porn is so stupid that it hurts and most porn directors have a sense of style so trashy itís not even funny (and very far from sexy). The problem here is just that whereas a film like Girls Lie displayed both maturity and intelligence and managed to create a sense of one being shown real human beings (rather than just porn-bots) having sex, Eon this time simply tries to be smart by showing us his awareness of how stupid porn usually is. And it just doesnít work. It doesnít become bad in a good way, like he probably aimed for, it just falls flat and turns out plain crappy. The story parts are not even bad in the way they can be in a standard porn feature, where you as a viewer can take an ironic attitude towards them; here all that room for irony is already wasted within the film itself and there is no place left to go for the viewer but to cringe. Still, this is porn, so in the end itís still the sex that matters.

The Sex
The first sex scene takes place between Tommy Pistol and Dana DeArmond in the back of a van. Tommy does an atrocious Tom Green impersonation (the Chad character in Charlieís Angels) that partially ruins this scene, but Dana is really good so in the end it comes out decent. Cassidey is probably the hottest girl in the movie, but although she is in the room for the next scene, the action is between her boyfriend, played by James Deen, and her friend, played by Pixie Pearl. They have pretty standard sex on an ironically creaky couch and, of course, Pixie keeps her Chucks on. Unfortunately, towards the end the scene itís mixed up with a music video, which is decent enough in its own right, but hardly makes the scene hotter (supposedly itís there because Pixie imagines being fucked by Punky, the lead singer of Dallas). Next up, we have Dana and Pixie getting down and dirty in a recording studio with Daniel, Julius Ceazher, and Icarus Corpse. There was a lot going on in a rather small space and the camera sort of tumbled about among the performers. It was a nice try at something different, although in the end I became a bit disengaged. The fourth scene was a blow-job contest between Debbie (Cassidey) and another one of her friends, played by Charlotte Stokely, with Justin Snyder as the lucky guy. It was ok, I guess, but the intentionally off-kilter way the girls acted didnít make it hotter. We then get more of Cassidey in the next scene, this time in an all-girl threesome with Pixie and Monique Alexander (who magically appears when the girls put on the original Debbie movie). It was a fairly good scene and I especially liked how it was about the girls exploring each otherís bodies rather than just probing each other with a lot of toys. After this, Punky (Alex Gonz) finally gets some action. After all, the girls have been pining for him throughout the movie. First up is a blowjob from Charlotte; she does all the work, but itís still Alex thatís sweating like a pig. In fact, thatís all the body fluid we get since they are interrupted before reaching completion. Luckily, Alex then gets to go all the way with Cassidey. Itís a quite solid scene, although perhaps a bit static in the way itís shot; this time both participants get drenched in sweat. Thatís it in the sex department: not bad, but not great either. A recurring problem is that a lot of the guys in the movie had wood issues Ė if you find half-limp dicks a turn-on that might be a plus, but I suspect most people donít. On the other hand, as long as youíre able to focus on the girls, there are some really hot ones here and the styling works very well for them.

Aesthetics
No surprises here, we get the ďaltĒ look that some people find hot, others not. I personally like it and Eon does it well. Another thing Eon does at times is to process the film so that the naked skin of the performers becomes very pale, sometimes almost to the point of being luminous; itís a very unreal look and is probably something the gonzo crowd will hate, but I find it lovely. The sets are quite basic, but nicely done; clothes and make-up are very good. In short, there is a lot here to like, itís just a pity that Eonís sense of style cannot make up for the lukewarm content. Oh, and while some of the other stuff at vivid-alt is presented in full-frame, Eonís own stuff is in anamorphic widescreen, which is a definite plus. Hopefully, it will become standard for all vivid-alt titles eventually.

Verdict
Why does one make feature porn, really? This is a question that directors should ask themselves more often that they seem to do; itís more effort than shooting gonzo or vignettes, so why make that effort? Well, the answer is simple: because when the story elements work, they make the sex hotter than it would have been on its own. Of course, as everyone who watches feature porn will know, usually the story elements are just like irrelevant breaks in-between the sex, they add very little and you rarely watch them again, even if you had the patience to sit through them the first time. But at least they do no harm. The big problem with Debbie loves Dallas, or D<3D as the folks at vivid-alt like to call it, is that the lead-up to the sex actually does harm. The cringeworthy attempts at comedy that take place between the sex scenes and, whatís even worse, sometimes during them as well, they just turn you off.

Ok, so the question here then becomes this: am I just not getting it? Having read about Eonís exchanges with Gram Ponante itís certainly clear that Eon thinks that those who dislike D<3D simply doesnít get it. Now, I think that camp can be funny, but also that deliberate camp is actually very difficult to pull off. Youíre trying to be funny by intentionally partly mimicking the sort of things that are unintentionally funny, but the fact that youíre aiming at it intentionally risks ruining the comedic effect. For instance, Ed Woodís Plan 9 is funny because it in earnest tries to be a horror/sci-fi movie. Were a couple of high-school students to do an ironic remake of Plan 9, trying intentionally to make a good bad horror sci-fi movie it would probably suck in the same way that D<3D sucks: you would sit there watching a bunch of people who looks like they weíre having a lot of fun making the stuff, but who forgot that it takes a little more than ironic winks to entertain a viewer (and much more than that to turn the viewer on).

To sum up: if you want some decent sex with an ďaltĒ feel to it, this might do as a rental, but if you were hoping that Eon McKai was going to deliver something as fine as Girls Lie, then youíd better put your hopes on Doll Underground instead.



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