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Dear Celeste
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Dear Celeste

Studio: Suze Randall
Category:  Straight
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:DVD Rent
scipio's ratings for Dear Celeste:
Overall Rating 3 stars
Dear Celeste overall rating 3 stars
Female Looks Dear Celeste Female looks rating 4.5 stars
Male Looks Dear Celeste Male looks rating 2.5 stars
Sex Dear Celeste Sex rating 3 stars
 
Plot/Acting Dear Celeste Plot/Acting rating 0 stars
Extras Dear Celeste DVD Extras rating 2.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Dear Celeste A/V Quality rating 2.5 stars
Rating Scale
Reviewed by scipio  on  4/2/2006
Dear Celeste...

Director:Big Bad Onxxx.

Extras:
Photo Gallery: A bunch of hi-res action and pretty girl stills in autorun format.
Jenna Haze Masturbation: Jenna talks mildly nastily in a girly-girl manner, then rubs her clit for awhile and briefly dildoes herself. Pretty lady.
Bloopers: Celeste screws around a little bit in a BTS manner. So does Jenna a bit as well. Kinda cute, but nothing special.
Web Access: Web-enable this disc by putting it into your PC, visit our site, yadda yadda, you know the drill by now..
Trailers: Individual trailers for: Sinfully Sexy, I Love Lanny, Ladie In Lust, Three's Cumpany, Addicted to Sex, Sophisticated Sluts, Dark Side, Undressed and Oversexed.

A quick note on scene ratings - unlike many reviewers of different things who tend to rate "average" as 7/10. I rate average as 5/10, this makes 7/10 from me quite a bit above average, so bear this in mind.

None of these scenes feature condoms. Anything else notable will be mentioned by scene.

I've only seen one Suze Randall/Pure Play disc before, and that was I Love Lanny, which was awful technically, but featured much well- shot action with the smoking-hot Lanny Barbie. From the little I've seen in the Bloopers and cover of this disc, Celeste is also right up there in the hotness scale. Sadly, it appears that Celeste isn't in every scene. (note: this isn't the Celeste of the 1990's who was for some time paired with Woody Long)


Ah, now I see. Celeste (who tells us that she's 19) tells us that she just had this cool internship for a cool magazing which just, like, got her a job. OK, I wish I hadn't heard her talk now because she sounds extraordinarily vapid. Anyway, her new job is selecting readers' letters for a dirty magazine, yadda yadda there's your scene setups. Celeste walks upstairs in her shirt and short skirt, and slowly strips off to show her pink lingere. I'd describe her appearance, but it's right there on the front cover. Very pretty brunette, natural body, Suze Randall/Penthouse Pet type makeup. Celeste strips out of her outfit very slowly, first the shirt and skirt, then shoes and stockings, garter belt and g-string, then slowly her bra, which reveals a small flower-dotted tribal thing on the small of her back, hidden by her hair. Once naked, she walks out of shot without really having shown us anything. Well shot sequence.

We see Celeste, naked again, walk into a large spa tub and start soaping herself up. Next she does what comes naturally - opens up a letter and starts reading it, something about a famous singer screwing one of her black bodyguards, which of course we see illustarted by the first scene...

Scene 1:
Katsumi, Black guy who I don't recognise.
Thigh-length PVC boots, Anal, A2M, (weak) Facial.

Katsumi has a very pretty face and natural body, and is of French-Vietnamese extraction which results in an exotic look. She's wearing thigh-length PVC boots and a sparkly top, and for this scene has a deep red dyed into her black hair. The guy is wearing a blue shirt, and is pretty much immediately stripping Katsumi off of her top, and looking for change in her pussy, as he fingers and licks away enthusiastically.

Cut to Kat on her knees, blowing the guy and looking very nice doing it. She bends over a liquor cabinet, and he fucks her from behind. He sits down on a big round cushion-chair, and she mounts him in reverse cowgirl, eventually jumping off to blow him briefly before jumping back on for regular cowgirl. He sits up and picks her up, screwing her briefly while carrying her, then puts her down on the cushion and continuing in missionary. Moves to her mouth, then anal missionary, A2M (unedited), anal spoon, cut to Katsumi blowing him on her knees, and instead of the cumshot I was expecting here we move to reverse anal cowgirl, cut aain to Katsumi on her knees in front of the guy's cock, and we see him milk a miniscule load onto Katsumi's tongue, followed by some post-cum head.

Well the cumshot was so extraordinarily weak to be almost non-existent, but the sex here was really quite decent from a perspective of just watching two attractive people screwing in a 1-on-1 situation. Very well shot and lighted. Good stuff.
7/10


Back to Celeste in the tub. She says something about giving us what we want, but I'm guessing we won't see her fucking for several scenes, so that makes her a dirty liar. This next letter is something about putting spice back into the reader's sex life or something. Her response involves telling them to videotape themselves. According to either Celeste or Comic Book guy from the Simpsons, it can be the best.sex.ever.

Scene 2:
Tiffany, Ben English.
PVC/Rubber stockings, Shoes, Cumshot on breasts.

Tiffany, who I've never seen before is dressed in the exact same lingere that Celeste is wearing on the DVD cover, though with a collar and pearls around her neck and black PVC/Rubber stockings. Wearing the same lingere, then, means she's also a lithe natural-bodied lass, though Tiffany has long straight black hair, though she's also a stunner, she has a small mole on her right cheek. She also features a small nondescript tattoo on her tailbone, and a pubic tattoo that is an unrecognisable mess which may be a scribble-type coverup job of something even worse.

The scene actually starts with the bald guy (ok, it's actually a shaved head) wearing a black nightrobe with golden patterns on it playing around with a video camera. Tiff enters and sits down, showing off her shaved pussy and tattoo above her pubis. The scene cuts frequently between the camera that Bald Guy is using, showing a black and white picture shot in POV (despite being a decent-looking Canon) and the regular camera that is showing us porn. Anyway, the blowjob is pretty good, and the guy's dick looks enormous. The POV footage isn't nearly as good as the porncamera's footage though, despite Tiff's constant eye contact with the POV. Shortly the POV fades towards black, crossfading into the porncamera footage of some spoon/reverse cowgirl.

The shots here are pretty good, though Tiffany's Whatever it is, it mars the otherwise amazing looking lower torso and pussy that Tiffany has. Bald Guy fucks her missionary, which looks good except for the cellulite that it highlights on Tiff's butt and we cut back and forth between the piston shot and a side view of her face, even briefly splitting the screen between both for some reason. There's a lot of frequent cuts, and some of the fuller body shots show that Tiffany is wearing pink heels over her rubber stockings, which looks pretty sexy, actually. Next is doggy which agan inexplicably goes to splitscreen briefly.

Tiffany sucks cock with some nice enthusiasm for awhile, then rides 'im cowgirl. Then reverse cowgirl, and while Tiffany's tattoo is shitty, in light of the rest of her I'm mostly quite able to overlook it. She goes down on baldy again, he briefly stops to slap her boobies, then she sucks again. Just when I was expecting the facial though, we get more cowbell. Er, more cowgirl. This goes for some time, then a short bit of doggy followed by the guy jerking himself off in her face and the camera cutting back to "POV" black and white while she tweaks her nipples. When the guy drops his load all over Tiffany's breasts, the camera cuts back and forth between the colour and B&W footage. I'm not usually a fan of cumshots on tits, but I found this one to be pretty hot.

What the hell was up with the splitscreen there? Other than that, the scene was mostly well-shot, though the performers were overexposed at times resulting in parts of their bodies glowing white from the too-bright lights. I could have done without the POV footage being black and white as well. I realise it's a stylistic choice, and it was done to differentiate between the two cameras, but you know, prurient interests first please guys. Good scene, marred a bit by odd style choices, yet still good enough to warrant a good rating. Interesting to see that one of the other review sites makes a special mention of the non-existant facial in this scene. You've got to love reviewers who don't actually watch the movie!
7/10


Scene 3:
Celeste Star, Jenna Haze.
Dildo.

Ah, the lesbian scene. or the g/g scene if you prefer. Jenna and Celeste are just back from a party or nightclub or something, and they're a little drunk and a lot horny. In fact it takes them less than 30 seconds to get it on. Celeste is wearing a leopard-print shirt over the top of.. nothing but g-string. Jenna is wearing the little white cleavage-dress that she wears in her masturbation extras bit, until she's stripped out of it quicksmart as the shirt-wearing Celeste licks her out. Both girls are of course made up to the 9's and after a bit of making out Celeste is also stripped down. Jenna licks Celeste and uses a blue dildo on her, Jenna kneels on all fours and Celeste in turn uses the dildo on Jenna. After more of this and a whole bunch of fake omigodomigodomigods from Jenna the girls hug and the scene is over.

While there wasn't an overuse of toys, it was pretty much the standard girl-on-girl scene. Both girls are very attractive, but while the scene wasn't bad, it was nothing outstanding. Average by-the-numbers porn.
5/10


Now Celeste is in front of an open fire wearing a pink bra and panties. She mixes up her words while reading from the letter. A shame the director didn't reshoot that bit as it makes her seem even more vapid. Because, you know, everything on TV is perfect. Their makeup certainly is. Anyway, the next letter is something about some girl and her girlfriend going to see a hot doctor or director. Something. It's not Keats, after all..

Scene 4:
Autumn, Gi Gi, Ben English.
Double Facial.

Both girls are attractive blondes. The director is actually the bald guy from earlier. I guess Celeste's adult magazine only has a few readers. The director seems to be one of them, as he's flicking through a bunch of adult mags when the girls knock and enter. There's a sort of interview where he asks questions like "do you like sucking cock?" so I guess it's not too far from reality as presented by Brandon Iron and the usual suspects in their gonzo dvds. "Do you like girls?" leads to "Can I see you guys kiss each other?"

Both girls have tongue studs, Gi Gi has natural breasts, a tailbone tattoo of ..something. A winged heart maybe, as well as a crucifix or cross or something in that shape on her right buttcheek. She also has a nondescript tattoo on her left bikini line and a big thing hanging off her navel piercing. As I said before, I'm all for tattoos on women, but bad ones really take away, and Gi Gi's tats are bad.

Both girls on their knees unbuckle baldy's fly, then give him a double BJ. Gi Gi rides cowgirl, then Autumn takes it from behind while licking Gi Gi. Then Gi Gi gets fucked in the spoon position. The ooh's at this point from Gi Gi sound like that Asian woman character off of Mad TV, which isn't exactly a good thing. Autumn gets fucked from behind again next, yet Gi Gi's Mad TV moans still out-loud everything else. RC for Gi Gi, odd fade to black, the girls blow the reclining baldy for a few seconds, then he stands up and jerks off on their faces in an explosion of thin, weak jizz.

Despite her very annoying moaning, and abundance of bad tattoos, Gi Gi is pretty attractive. Autumn is even more attractive, and less loud and annoying to boot. The camerawork ranges from decent angles and well-framed shots to ones that are taken way too close. The edits are questionable, with odd fades to black every couple of minutes instead of simply cutting smoothly to the next bit of action. The number of good full-body shots in this scene = 0. I like the look of Autumn, and Gi Gi is also very nice to look at when her tattoos are hidden, but sadly this scene was a badly shot mess, despite two nice looking ladies made up to the 9's.
5.5/10


Celeste walks into her bedroom, and throws off her blue nightgown to show her nakednedd, plops down on the bed and mumbles something about "work to do". This letter is about a girl and her personal trainer...

Scene 5:
Monica Mayhem, Somne guy.
Shoes on, cumshot on breasts.

Monica has her hair in a ponytail, and wears what looks like high heeled gym shoes (yes, really), a hot red PVC bra, with matching short shorts underneath her bright red boxer shorts and black fingerless gloves which look like they're out of the 1980's gang movie costume box. Monica has flames tattooed on the backs of both wrists as well as some other small tattoos on the inside of her wrists, some kind of flower armband on her right bicep and a red dragon on her left bicep.

After some pans across boxing gloves and weights and so forth scattered around the room, Monica is doing some stretches while we wait. Her trainer guy arrives, and Monica starts off with the punching bag, before complaining of a stiff neck and the guy offering to "rub it out". Quickly he moves onto squeezing her breasts, taking her top off, showing her large implants and before you know it, she's blowing him while still wearing only her shoes, belt and gloves. Cunnilingus is next, missionary, doggy as Monica bends over the weight rack, reverse cowgirl then cowgirl. Cut to spooning for a bit, and then before we know it he's standing above her, and "rubbing it out" all over Monica's breasts before the scene suddenly cuts to black.

Well, that ended a bit suddenly, another 30 seconds to linger on Monica would have certainly have been nice.
6.5/10


Hm, now we see a bunch of bloopers of Celeste flubbing her lines over and over. Seems to be the bloopers from the extras section simply repeated. And then the movie ends. What the fuck? No b/g scene with Celeste?

Well, this was a DVD that started strong, went downhill, and then suddenly stopped without the reason people would have bought actually happening. Now I've been on ADT for years, and RAME before it, but I consider myself pretty much a normal consumer of porn. I know a bunch of the performers, but there are far more I don't know, and I don't pretend to know which women are doing g/g only or whatever at any given time. I don't think I'm along in being the kind of consumer who picks up a DVD, and expects the covergirl to be doing some b/g in a DVD that's not specifically g/g only. I'm not impressed by the bait-and-switch put out here by PurePlay/Suze Randall.

Katsumi and Tiffany's scenes were good, Celeste and Jenna was by the numbers, Autumn/Gi Gi was a horribly wasted opportunity and Monica's scene was decent but badly ended. When I reviewed the first half of this disc the other day I was pretty impressed. Now I've finished it and sadly I don't feel the same way at all. Damn.
Worth a rental, or picking up as a cheapie.

5.5/10



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The opinions expressed in this review of Dear Celeste from Suze Randall are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.