Title: Confessions of Hollywood Housewives
Released by: Cal Vista (Metro)
Reviewed by MD James
If "Confessions of Hollywood Housewives" came out recently, you’d think that this was just another knock-off of "Desperate Housewives". Four beautiful housewives who aren’t getting laid who spend their time lamenting about that little fact. But this video was actually done a good four years before we even heard of Wisteria Lane, so you can’t call it a "Desperate Housewives" rip-off.
Here’s the skinny: Samantha (Shyla Foxxx) is the wife of a soap opera producer whose feeling a little neglected. Husband Nick (John Decker) says that it’s because of work. Ratings suck, the writing’s crap, things just aren’t working for the series, and there’s a good chance that Nick could get fired, which means Samantha could lose the nice house with all of the amenities, including the pool… and the pool guy (Mark Davis).
Truth is, though, Nick is boning his secretary (Roxanne Hall), which we get to see once they’re alone in his office. We start with a little mutual undressing, followed by her sucking his cock before he returns the favor by stripping her naked and having her lay back on the desk while he licks her pussy. Then they fuck in missionary position, then in doggie, anal doggie, and then he blows his load into her mouth. A pretty good way to spend the afternoon.
BUT back to the housewives… Nick calls Samantha up and tells her his studio woes, which of course has Samantha talking to her gal-pals about it. One of them comes up with a great idea that since the studio execs want HEAT for Sweeps Week, they should just go ahead and turn the soap into a porno. Although Jobeth (Candy Apples) hates the idea and Jennifer (Ruby) is hesitant of her husband finding out, Crystal (Tina Tyler) and Samantha are eager to do some "research" on the matter.
Later, Samantha tries to bring the idea to her husband, but Nick will have none of it. It turns out that Crystal keeps on trying to get on the show and he thinks this is whole thing is just another way for her to revive her "failing" career as an actress.
The next day, Samantha starts her little "research" with the pool guy by going right for his cock. Then he licks her pussy for a while before she mounts him and rides him in reverse-cowgirl position and pretty much stays in this position before he blows his load all over her boobs. That’s it. One position, and some of it even seemed to be repetitive footage. Not too much "research" if you ask me.
The following day, the foursome meet and Samantha writes down her experience on her laptop. Then it’s Crystal’s turn to tell her tale.
Crystal ordered a pizza, and the delivery guy (Nick East) comes right in. In true classic porno fashion, she comes out of the bedroom wearing white lingerie and no panties. She has forgotten her purse and asks if she can offer "anything else". Well, of course he’s going to dive in and have some of her pie! Then she goes down on his pepperoni stick for a while before he mounts her in missionary position on the couch. Then they go to doggie position for a while before she sucks him clean. A little better scene than the previous one.
Next up is Jobeth. She went to the airport in her flight attendant’s outfit, where she talked two cops (Dave Hardman and J.J. Michaels) into "escorting" her to the garage. She decides to thank them the only way she knows how. They both undress her before she goes down on both of them. Then she rides of them while she sucks the other, first in reverse-cowgirl, then in doggie, then she gets herself in-between them for some double-penetration. They finish with both of them jerking off over her face. Not too bad, and for someone who was against the idea, she certainly was the more adventurous of the group so far.
Then it was Jennifer’s turn… but she supposedly wimped out. She couldn’t cheat on her husband… to which Samantha says, "you mean again?" Obviously that warrants a little explanation.
Jennifer starts her tale with her husband (Anthony Crane) deciding to skip out on doing chores and instead heads to the golf course, but not before belittling her lack of intelligence. So later on, while she’s reading a book upside-down, she decides to get revenge by blowing her husband’s friend (Julian). Hey, who’s going to say no to her? So while she’s blowing him, Samantha shows up for a friendly visit. She’s willing to stay quiet if she can join in. They both go down on him for a while before returning the favor. Samantha gets first dibs in the fucking, getting fucked in missionary position on the coffee table. Then Jennifer gets fucked in doggie position right over Jennifer… and fucked well, although we don’t get to hear the actress’ trademarked noises. Still it’s enough for the guy to blow his load between four boobs, and it was definitely on par with the previous scene.
Samantha puts it all in a script and sneaks it into Nick’s briefcase, but Nick calls her up later and rejects the whole thing. He figures the whole thing out, and when he finds out that she actually FUCKED the pool guy, he demands a divorce, and brings up his pre-nup agreement. He wants her out of HIS house, and to take her UGLY clothes with her! Yes, Nick’s a hypocritical bastard, but don’t worry, Crystal has a plan!
It seems the soap opera is doing LIVE broadcasts for sweeps week, so thanks to some theatrics from Samantha on the secretary’s shoulder, Crystal shows up on the set with a new script with herself as a new character. (Hey, what do you know? Nick was right all along!)
The rewrite certainly brings heat between her (as a nurse), the doctor (Hershel Savage) and the patient (Melanie Stone). In fact, the dramatic scene turns into an outright porno on LIVE TV! The doctor starts with some oral stimulation on the patient’s pussy. Then, as more clothes get removed, Nick realizes what is going on, and he’s unable to do anything about it. Both women take turns sucking the doctor’s cock, then the patient gets fucked in missionary position, then Crystal gets hers in doggie position before the doctor delivers his medicine right into Crystal’s mouth.
Well you can imagine how it all turns out… I mean, a sexually explicit LIVE TV show? Come on!
Okay, the story is just chock full of porno cliches and dumb blonde jokes, not to mention some pretty unrealistic situations. I mean, a soap opera producer that DOESN’T want steamy scenes? A LIVE soap opera broadcast featuring LIVE SEX??? Yeah, right!
Also, despite the fact that there are several very beautiful women in this group, only two of them – the least busty of the cast – show any kind of full nudity. Ruby has the best body in the whole group, but the most we got to see of her great bod was her backside. WTF?
In terms of extras, we have a self-running slide show put to music; an animated biography of the principal actresses, including direct links to their sex scenes; a German-dubbed audio track; a quick plug for Metro; a quick plug for amazingsex.com; a clickable gallery of trailers; and a nineteen-minute video on the behind-the-scenes stuff from the movie. They’re all pretty good features and definitely above the usual standard fare.
There are some other plusses to this video… namely, no forced trailers, a simple menu, and actual credits at the end of the video. These are little things, but they do show that the studio put some thought into post-production. Unfortunately, there was one feature that was promoted on the box that was a serious turn-off for this reviewer. That was the "True Perspective Multiple Angle"… which is another way of saying "we’re going to take scenes from that same clip and swap them around and hope you’ll never notice". It’s cheap and damned misleading. TRUE perspective means bringing in ANOTHER camera to view the same scene from a different angle. (You would think that a company that trades on the NASDAQ would be ABOVE such deceptions.)
All-in-all this is a good video to get if you don’t mind putting up with cheesy porno cliches. The audio quality varies from good to very good. The extras show good post-production work, with the obvious exception of that whole "multiple angles" bit. I’d say if you can get it for $15 or less, do so.