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Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret
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Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret

Studio: Adam & Eve
Category:  Couples , Feature film
Directed by:
Starring: , , , , , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:DVD NewDVD RentStreaming/Download
astroknight's ratings for Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret:
Overall Rating 1 star
Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret overall rating 1 star
Female Looks Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret Female looks rating 2.5 stars
Male Looks Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret Male looks rating 2.5 stars
Sex Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret Sex rating 1 star
 
Plot/Acting Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret Plot/Acting rating 1/2 star
Extras Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret DVD Extras rating 3.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Candida Royalle's Christine's Secret A/V Quality rating 2 stars
Worth$4.00
Rating Scale
Reviewed by astroknight  on  10/20/2003

Running Time: 63 min.

Production Date: 1984

Director: Candida Royalle

Cast: Carol Cross, Chelsea Blake, Marita Ekberg, Taija Rae, Anthony Casino, George Payne, Joe Elliot, and Joey Silvera

Initial Expectations: Iíve had mixed results from Femmeís line. Iím not really sure what to expect here.

Initial Reaction: It almost put me to sleep.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody looking for porn thatís a step up from softcore

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting pop shots or porn that takes any kind of risks

Audio /Video Quality: For the age of the feature, the technical aspects are pretty good. The audio is a bit hollow, but itís well balanced and free of background noises. The video has a bit of grain and more than a few shadows, and looks fairly close to VHS quality. Although I normally have higher expectations than this for DVD movies, with the movie approaching twenty years old Iím pretty happy with the presentation here.

Music: The music has a soft and often fun feeling that seems pretty neutral. It ranges from being the only audio to being nicely balanced with the rest of the audio.

Menus: The main menu is pretty good, and should nicely appeal to women as it focuses on the male body rather than the female body. The chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene.

The Feature: Each year, Christine (Carol Cross) makes her way to a specific bed and breakfast in the country. She has the same room each year, and goes the same weekend. She comes so regularly that owner Chelsea Blake even saves her the same room each year.

Carol Cross and Joe Elliot start things out with a bit of very light masturbation. Theyíre in different buildings, but donít seem to know each other or what the otherís doing. They diddle themselves slowly, and finally end things with Joe popping in the air.

This is a slow way to start the feature, and ultimately didnít do anything to me. Thereís no audio outside of the slow music that tempted my eyes to rest themselves, which really limits scenes to me. The way the pop shot was done also didnít do much for me, as I completely missed it the first time I watched it (as well as the second). In the end, the entire scene felt pointless to me.

Next up, Chelsea Blake, an older woman and George Payne get busy in her room. After some passionate kissing with his big head, Chelsea moves down to kiss the little head as well. They go back and forth exchanging oral favors, and even work in a little sixty-nining, before going on with a bit of missionary work. They finally finish things up without a pop shot, and without even looking like an internal pop was done or faked.

This is another scene that didnít do a lot for me. You can see that Candida is going for a loving and sensual feel, but the shadows really overpower the scene here. Rather than making the scene more erotic, the shadows make the camera work seem inept and hold back the scene despite some very good energy and chemistry between the performers.

Joey Silvera and big breasted brunette Taija Rae get it on in an old barn after she runs out to play around near the river with him. They find the convenient blanket on hay bales for a place to get busy, and passionately undress each other before fucking missionary style after a minimum of warmup. Joey also takes her from behind before apparently popping inside her.

This is a pretty good scene, but the ending didnít do anything for me. The dialogue to explain the pop was barely understandable and by now I was wanting to see some jizz! It also started off on the wrong foot with me by feeling exactly like the previous scene to the point that I didnít even expect there to be a second position. Joey and Taija have excellent chemistry here and donít seem to hold much back, and in the end this makes the entire scene worthwhile despite the bad ending. The only problem I can have between Joey and Taija is Joeyís tan lines. Most of his body is nicely tanned, but his ass is so bright white that itís impossible to not have your eyes go there! Iím sure most women wonít have a problem with this, but I canít think of many guys whoíd be interested in this feature whoíd like it!

Dirty blonde Marita Ekberg and Anthony Casino, a Latin looking guy, get it on in the fourth scene after chatting on the porch with a couple drinks. He kisses his way around her body before Marita gives him some quick head. They work through a little cowgirl before getting in the required (at least in this movie) missionary action. Anthony eats her and kisses his way across her body after fucking her, and then does her doggie style. The scene finally ends as Anthony collapses on Marita and showers her with kisses.

This scene goes back to me being bored. Thereís decent chemistry and energy, but absolutely nothing about the scene seems at all unique! I like that the action is broken up with a little oral for Marita, but by the time that hit I was completely bored with the scene, and ending it without anything close to an orgasm for either of them made this seem like another pointless scene.

In what appears to be one of Carol Crossí fantasies, she and Joe Elliot hook up as she swings back and forth on a tree swing. As she swings, her clothes disappear and Joe appears in front of her. He holds her and eats her pussy before finally letting her go. As she swings back, her clothes reappear and she walks off with no hint of Joe remaining. Itís an okay at best tease thatís overly artistic and probably best watched in fast forward mode.

Afterwards, Carol and Joe really hook up. She passionately kisses her way around his body until she makes it down to suck his cock. Joe returns the favor before fucking it in, you guessed it, missionary. They also go at it doggie style before collapsing in each othersí arms.

Christineís Secret is an extreme disappointment. I have no clue what Christineís secret was supposed to be, and the only reason I can think of anybody thinking it a secret is because nobody cared enough about it to tell anybody else. That said, I can see what Candida was trying to do and donít think itís a completely bad idea. Many adult films are fairly uninspired, and the chemistry here is excellent in each of the scenes. Unfortunately, the sex seems repetitive and was so soft that I was often bored and couldnít care less about the action. Joey Silvera and Taija Raeís scene is easily the best scene here, but the lack of pop shots outside of the poorly done one in the opening scene really hurt the feature for me. Iím not expecting facials all the time or anything like that, but here the male orgasm felt completely ignored. Christineís Secret is a dud of a movie thatís easily passed by.


Extras: To start things out, there are trailers for Three Daughters and Revelations after the feature. Thereís also a short featurette about Candida, Gloria Leonard, Veronica Hart, Annie Sprinkles, and Veronica Vera. Candida talks about starting the ladies out behind the camera and their first few movies. Of course, with how the feature is stuck at the end of the feature, I wouldnít be surprised if most people miss it completely. The feature and the two trailers are all on one chapter which also includes the credits for the feature (which lasts about as long as some of the scenes in the movie).

The extras section also includes trailers for Eyes of Desire and The Gift and a commercial is included for some other Femme products. Three different photo galleries are included, a production gallery lasting nearly four and a half minutes, a glamour shots gallery lasting nearly a minute, and Candidaís Scrapbook lasting just over three and a half minutes. In each gallery, you have between five and ten seconds per grainy photo. Candidaís scrapbook really stands out as a great extra here as you get some nice behind the scenes shots with a few notes from Candida. A bio is included for Candida, and she also gives a three minute message about why she started Femme Productions, the movies they make, and the a bit about sex and porn. Finally, Candida gives an audio commentary.

Candidaís commentary lasts about twenty five minutes and covers the first three scenes in the movie. She talks about using 100% natural light for the feature, which explains many of the shadows in the feature, and how they did some of the shots for the movie. She also talks about the cast during their scenes, how the stars changed through times, and what she loves to see in movies. Itís a nicely done commentary. You can tell that this is more than just a job for Candida and that she really loves and believes in what sheís doing. Although I didnít care for the movie, I canít help but respect Candida for doing all she can for what she believes in.

Themes: Straight and masturbation (both female and male)

Condoms Usage: None, but itís noted in the extras about people not being as concerned about safe sex when this feature was made and how times have changed

Raincoat Factor: Medium low

Overall: Currently, most of Femmeís DVDs can be found online for between $14 and $28 with a few stores offering them near the low end. Donít even think of paying that much here. The movie is so soft, slow, and often boring that I think itíll put you to sleep before it turns you on. The technical aspects are pretty good for the age of the feature, and thereís some decent extras.

Note to Femme / Candida Royalle: You have a nice idea here, and I guess this isnít a bad start. Youíve improved your movies a bit since making this one, but softening things isnít always the way to appeal to women and couples.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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