WARNING: Although advertised and sold as a DVD, it is a VCD!
Running Time: approx. 70 min.
Production Date: 11 / 1 / 1996
Director: Nobody would admit it on the movie or the cover. Smart move.
Cast: Kristi Myst, Nici Sterling, Shara Sands, Jessie Daye, Alex Sanders, Gerry Pike, Kyle Stone, Mr. Marcus and one woman who appeared to not want to be named for obvious reasons.
Initial Expectations: Cinderella’s ‘Buffy’ Series went for quite a while. I never saw any of them when they first came out, but since they’re some of the first titles Cinderella is bringing out on DVD I have some hopes for them.
Initial Reaction: I think it was put best by Monty Python when they all said “RUN AWAY!”.
Audio /Video Quality: The audio is okay at best and not well balanced. This is perfection compared to the video quality. At best it reaches the quality of VHS and it doesn’t do that too often.
Music: The music is almost always too loud and is the typical mid 1990s porno music.
Disc Problems: First, there’s no full time code. The disc is broken into chapters, but they’re pretty random. The so called chapter breaks are scattered through the scenes (there was normally about two per scene) and at each break the movie freezes for about five seconds. The title page states play movie now and chapter selection, but you can’t make a selection. The movie automatically starts after about ten seconds. I also think a few names are misspelled on the cover, which shows further lack of caring about this disc.
Review: Buffy’s Bare Ass Barbecue revolves around Buffy’s Aunt Cornelia (there’s no credits so I don’t know who she is for sure) getting a divorce. Buffy (Kristi Myst) decides to throw a barbecue for the lawyer because lawyers love anything free and then he’ll work better. Sound fun? Well it isn’t really. Sound lame? Well, that’s closer to it. This is one of those movies that remind you why people make fun of pornos.
The first scene has Alex Sanders and a redhead. They argue about Buffy (the redhead thinking she’s an idiot) before bumping uglies. It’s not a very well done scene. Most of the position changes have some kind of cheesy change in perspective and the screen going fuzzy. I hoped that this was as bad as it would get.
The second scene is between Mr. Marcus and a blonde. I think it might be Shara Sands but I’m not sure. It’s got a really lame opening and I was almost glad when Kyle Stone interrupted the scene to tell them about the barbecue. After informing them he tells them they can resume fucking and wisely leaves the room.
Next, Gerry Pike and Nici Sterling deliver a cake for the barbecue, even though Buffy thinks they’re delivering it to the wrong place. In the highlight of the movie. Kristi pays Nici properly for dropping off the cake. This is the best scene in the movie and even it barely approaches average.
Kyle has an idea (hey Kyle, here’s an idea. RUN AWAY!) that he tells Aunt Cordelia she must trust him about. I think some people have referred to this as the “Polish Breathalyzer Test” which leads into another scene. This scene also isn’t so bad, but it isn’t so good either. Aunt Cordelia seems pretty good and I guess Kyle does deserve some reward for being in this dud.
Finally, Buffy gets a little dick from Gerry, who we find out is a wanted criminal. They talk a little and then he pulls Buffy close to kiss her rather than leave as he was told. If he would have known how bad this movie would have ended up he probably would have left instead. This is a really disappointing scene and a bad note to end the movie with.
I guess some of the appeal of the Buffy movies is that Kristi Myst was really fresh when they were made. Yes, this was long before she felt she had to reduce herself to an Extreme girl. The freshness does show here, although it would have shown a lot better if the movie were done even half way decently. She’s got a very nice, very natural body and she seems to know how to use it fairly well. She obviously had some potential even back then.
If this were a real DVD rather than a VCD I would have probably given it a either a 1 or a 1 ½ overall rating. It’s pretty borderline. Due to Cinderella’s blatant lie about their product I’m reducing that to ½.
Extras: Not a single one. There’s barely even a chapter menu on this ‘DVD’. I found it a couple times, but I’m not exactly sure how and didn’t want to waste any more time on it.
Themes: Straight, anal (finger), lesbian, toys, inter-racial, and light spanking
Raincoat Factor: Medium low. If done right it might have worked up to medium, but you’re probably going to be too frustrated at this DVD to care about much in it.
Overall: I’m not even going to bother saying what you can buy this ‘DVD’ for. The movie is slightly below average but is done horribly. Do not buy it! It’s not even a DVD although Cinderella is pricing it and selling it as if it were. Thankfully only one store is offering it.
Note to Cinderella: This is what is considered a rip off and false advertising. If you’re going to market products, be honest. Calling this a DVD is a complete lie. It’s a VCD. I bought three of your so-called DVDs to give your company a chance. After only watching one of them I regret it completely. If you plan on continuing this way, please do everybody a favor and quit now.
If you have any questions or comments, please e- mail me .