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Bare Boners

Bare Boners

Studio: HIS & HIS Gold
Category:  Gay
Starring: , , , , , , ,
Released on: 
Where to buy:DVD NewStreaming/Download
Joe Shaver's ratings for Bare Boners:
Overall Rating 2 stars
Bare Boners overall rating 2 stars
Female Looks Bare Boners Female looks rating 0 stars
Male Looks Bare Boners Male looks rating 2.5 stars
Sex Bare Boners Sex rating 2.5 stars
Plot/Acting Bare Boners Plot/Acting rating 0 stars
Extras Bare Boners DVD Extras rating 1/2 star
Audio/Video Quality Bare Boners A/V Quality rating 1.5 stars
Rating Scale
Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  4/2/2006
I guess I’m anal retentive or obsessive-compulsive but I prefer complete films to compilations. I know that’s silly since 97% of porn films have no plot and are therefore compilations, but I’m just funny that way. BARE BONERS is a compilation of 8 early pre-condom scenes from the vaults of HIS Studios. They have—I regret to say—chosen poorly. In addition none of the scenes or performers are identified and that added to my frustration when I knew a performer but couldn’t think of his name. Obviously all they were interested in here was to make a quick buck.

The first scene opens as two blonds (Michael Vincent and Jamie Blue) arrive at a house. While adorable Jaime stays downstairs on the sofa with Chad James (who is nothing to turn you on) and a mustachioed dude (who has severe erection problems) Michael goes upstairs with a cute guy that I know but don’t. Downstairs, Chad takes a pounce on Jamie’s cock and is soon sucking away. Soon all three are naked. (It should be pointed out here that Jamie is a natural blond.) As Chad continues sucking Jamie’s pretty penis, Jamie sucks the mustachioed dude's limp noodle.
Upstairs the cute guy is coming on to Michael. They remove their shirt and trousers. Neither wears underwear. (Ah, those careless Seventies!) As they roll around on one another neither sports an erection. Michael attempts to partially remedy that by going down on his bed partner’s tool.
Meanwhile back in the living room, Chad has assumed Jamie’s place on the sofa and is sucking the mustachioed dude while Jamie is on the floor sucking Chad. Chad can’t seem to get the mustachioed dude hard either so when Chad fucks Jamie, this dude just hangs around (literally).
Upstairs the cute guy is fucking Michael. Crappy lighting and poor camera angles ruin it.
Somehow the mustachioed guy has gotten semi-hard and he now fucks Jamie’s upturned ass.
Having received a missionary fuck from the cute guy upstairs, Michael now gives it to him doggy. (Unlike Jamie, Michael is not a natural blond, but he does have a natural uncut cock.) Michael cums on the guy’s back while the cute guy soils the sheets.
Downstairs, Jamie and Chad sit on the sofa and jack off. The mustachioed dude has gone off somewhere. No doubt hanging his head—as well as his dick—in shame.
All this may sound hot in the telling, but it was all rather perfunctory.

Scene two features two nicely built studs. Brad Erickson and Butch Taylor. When we join them they are already naked and locked at the lips. The setting appropriately is a bedroom. Butch drops to his knees to consume Brad’s bone. We cut to them on the bed as Butch now feeds Brad his cock. Both are pounding their puds furiously, trying to get hard. Eventually after all the frantic pulling and the aid of a cockring, Butch manages to get his cock in Brad’s ass.

With scene three I finally recognized a film! Here we have a scene from A NIGHT AT HALSTEAD’S. In this scene that is blurred with red light, J. W. King is lounging in the hall and is picked up by an average Joe. J. W. sucks the guy’s cock and fucks him. There is dubbed sound that along with the piss-poor lighting keeps us from getting into the scene. After J. W. cums, he reinserts his cock into the guy’s ass. A rather disturbing bit of business since J. W. was one of the early victims of A.I.D.S . (So was this guy too, I guess.)

Next we have a scene from NYC PRO with Leo Ford. It is the beauteous Leo’s worst film. It’s difficult to imagine Leo in a bad film, but here it is. (see Review)

The setting is a bar and there’s a lot of guys and a lot of conversation that makes no sense as we haven’t seen what’s gone before to know what they are talking about. It’s a long time before there’s any sex and when it is it’s a chaotic orgy. (Want an example as to how not to film an orgy? Here it is.)

In a scene from STICK SHIFT (Hey, I recognized another one!) Humongous Rick Donovan feeds his big schlong to slender Michael Vincent. (Remember him from scene one?) Rick had a really big dick that never got really stiff but it would get firm enough that he could fuck with it. I’m told he had a thing for transsexuals and that he would get much harder when he fucked one of these she-guys. Using both hands to wedge it in, he gets his salami into Michael’s ass and proceeds to fuck him on the hood of Michael’s sport car. (hence “stick shift”.) This is one of the better scenes, but that’s like saying possum tastes better than rat.

In the next to last scene an blond performer whose name escapes me approaches a porn viewbox and drops in his coin. He and we watch a leather dude making love to his motorcycle. He’s sucking on one of the handlebars as though it’s a cock. A friend joins the viewer who stops watching the film (and alas, so do we!) Neither get hard for the longest time (but not as long as me which was way back when this film started). They finally do a standard suck-n-fuck. It was much more interesting watching the dude make love to his motorcycle. They should have stayed with that. (I can just imagine him fucking the gas tank.)

The final scene is the best of a bad lot. This is because it stars Ricky Turner, a sexy little bugger from thirty years ago, who was a great cocksucker and a super bottom. He’s paired here with Ryder Hanson , a blond Euro with a nice uncut piece. A white bench is set up before a black drape to simulate a park. (It was an el cheapo production).
Ricky sucks dick and—of course—gets fucked as he always did. It was nice to see him on a dick again.

HIS did put out some films that were acceptable pud-pounders. But you wouldn’t know it from these excerpts. The Donovan-Vincent scene from STICK SHIFT and the Turner-Hanson scene that concludes the film are OK. The rest make for pretty dull viewing.

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The opinions expressed in this review of Bare Boners from HIS & HIS Gold are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.