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Allied Assault
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Allied Assault

Studio: U.S. Male
Category:  Gay
Starring: , , , , , ,
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sydguy's ratings for Allied Assault:
Overall Rating 1.5 stars
Allied Assault overall rating 1.5 stars
Female Looks Allied Assault Female looks rating 0 stars
Male Looks Allied Assault Male looks rating 2 stars
Sex Allied Assault Sex rating 2 stars
 
Plot/Acting Allied Assault Plot/Acting rating 0 stars
Extras Allied Assault DVD Extras rating 2.5 stars
Audio/Video Quality Allied Assault A/V Quality rating 1 star
Rating Scale
Reviewed by sydguy  on  3/22/2007
BarrackX69 studio specializes in a sub-set of gay porn films that can be described as “military twinks” – young guys who are (we are told) currently serving members of the US armed forces. “Allied Assault” features seven such guys in an ultra-low budget film with three solos, two duos, no plot and no dialogue.

First, with no introduction or context, we find 18-year-old Vadim naked in a chair. He has a buzz cut and a teenager’s spotty face, but a nicely muscled chest and an impressive 8” dick. He strokes and shakes his dick for ages until it gets hard, then … nothing. We cut to the same chair three weeks later, and start again, this time with the dubious addition of the voice of the (un-named) director asking questions, giving instructions and making sleazy comments. Then, just as you think Vadim has to cum soon, we cut to a third, brief scene – this one on the floor of an overly lit room, next to a vending machine. And finally, another brief scene in a shower stall, with Vadim already hard. Then, just as he starts to cum … the scene fades out.

After all that teasing, we jump forward almost 10 years, with Vadim now 27, married, with several tattoos and a nipple ring, and wearing his National Guard uniform. The uniform soon comes off, and we start again with Vadim on a bed this time, stroking himself until he gets hard. This long scene is shot from a single angle and gets tedious quickly. When the long awaited cum shot finally arrives, it can’t help but be a disappointment, and it is.

The next scene features Alex Keyes, a 20-year-old sailor who looks vaguely Hispanic and has a Joker-like smile. He quickly removes his uniform, but keeps his white cap on throughout. Keyes gets his thick, uncut dick briefly fluffed by his real-life boyfriend, Seth King, who magically appears in the scene. Mission accomplished, the boyfriend disappears in the blink of an editor’s eye and Keyes proceeds to jerk himself to a spasmic climax.

Next up is a Kaden, a 22-year-old sailor. He looks like a Jewish Latino, with a boyish body, and bad teeth. He is the only model who has any visible chest hair, and it’s no more than a dusting. He is filmed outdoors on a park bench. His sailor suit comes off, he quickly gets hard then whips out what looks like a ridiculously small dildo and proceeds to insert it. This is filmed from various angles and he seems to enjoy pleasuring himself this way, so the film briefly generates some heat. But it soon drags again, and Kaden’s effort to get himself hard(er) by looking at a porn magazine does nothing for either him or the viewer. The scene suddenly cuts indoors where he quickly produces the necessary money shot, then waves goodbye.

I’ve got nothing against a good solo scene, but Vadim’s is far too long (30 minutes), Kaden’s dildo is too small, and I don’t need to pay money to watch someone getting off looking at porn – I can just watch myself in the mirror. But the worst aspect of the solo scenes is the intrusive voice of the director – talking briefly about the models at the beginning isn’t too bad, but once the scene gets going he should just shut up. Instead, we get to hear various instructions about the mechanics of the filmmaking, such as Keyes not getting cum stains on the blanket. Talk about killing the mood!

Finally, after almost an hour, we get our first duo, with Navy man Ryan Lockhart and Marine Casey Young. Lockhart has reddish hair, great legs and some muscle tone, whereas Young has little going him for other than youth and a cute face. They start fully clothed, with some romantic kissing. Lockhart sucks Young, then Young easily deep-throats Lockhart’s sizeable dick. After that, the clothes come off, except for their hats and socks (I’ve never understood the idea that fucking in socks is supposed to be sexy). The sucking resumes with a good angle of the two 69-ing, then Lockhart fucks Young. After an awkward insertion shot, Lockhart quickly builds up to a rousing pace. Young says all the right things while being fucked, but we hardly see his dick. When we do see it, it’s completely flaccid, so he obviously isn’t enjoying it as much as he says he is (and when you’re only 23, you can’t blame age for lack of a hard-on). Yet another abrupt editing jump and we have mostly headless shots of Young jerking off until he shoots his load on Lockhart’s face. He then disappears, so we finish with a solo scene of Lockhart on a couch, jerking his impressive endowment until he squeezes out a big load onto his chest, and then eats some of it. Throughout this scene, the director is mercifully silent. However, the heat factor is reduced by unnecessary distractions such as the beeps and flashes of a digital camera, the noise of the sound equipment, light bleaching onto the screen, and the jangling of Lockhart’s dog-tags.

The final scene pairs two Asian guys – ‘veteran’ (i.e. 23-year-old) Nick Ho and newcomer Frankie Chan. Ho has a nicely proportioned body, while Chan has a spotty face and a pretty, uncut dick. After some brief kissing, Chan sucks Ho and Ho does a good job sucking Chan. When the fucking starts, all we see is the dick and ass in extreme close-up. Only after some time does the camera pull back so we can see it is Chan mechanically fucking Ho, rather than vice-versa (confusingly, in the director’s initial chat with the actors, he promised we would see Chan getting his cherry popped). Next we see Chan jerking out a big load on Ho’s chest and finally they switch positions and Ho produces an adequate money shot to end the film.

The DVD extras include six chapter selections, trailers for nine other films featuring military twinks, a very short photo gallery, and introductions to some of the studio’s other models.

Overall, unless you’re into twinks, this film has little to recommend it other than Ho’s body, Vadim’s abs, Young’s sucking and Lockhart’s fucking. Even for twink lovers, the budget is so low, the editing so amateurish, and the director’s chatting so annoying that there must be many other better DVDs to spend your money on.



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