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Reviews of Bernard Movies

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Boxcover for Your Choice Viewers' Wives 61
Your Choice Viewers' Wives 61 
(2.5 stars from 1 review)

Starring: Sarah, Julie, Crystal, Angelina, Monica, George, Teresa, Emma, Sian, Helen, Trina, Bernard, Neil, Kelly Fox, Tory, Lizzie, Asha, Jess West, Katey, Bexi
Studio: Your Choice

Release date: 9/6/2012
Your Choice Viewers' Wives 61 reviews:
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Your Choice Viewers Wives #61 is a 2 disc set from Your Choice. Each disc has scenes that are either fullscreen or anamorphic widescreen. At the end of each disc, theres info on where you can send the video of your wife getting it on (possibly England only). The second disc is supposed to have the extras, and I think the disc itself is the extras. The first disc lets us know who were watching, but the second has much longer scenes, all untitled. Some of the scenes are very short, and some of the women are fairly attractive, but its a pretty mixed bag. The scenes range from solo, partnered, lesbian, and some feature toys (some traditional, some not so much) and watersport.
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Boxcover for Porkin the Piper
Porkin the Piper 
(0.0 stars from 1 review)

Starring: Rocco, Michael, Tom, Tony, Bernard
Studio: Heatwave

Release date: 8/2/2002
Porkin the Piper reviews:
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I have great hopes for this film. I hope it is the worst gay porn ever made. I hope this because the thought of seeing anything worse goes beyond my power to imagine it, and if anything worse does exist then its just too disheartening. It is crude in the extreme. The color is washed out, the lighting is virtually non-existent, and to call the camerawork amateurish is to compliment it. There is an obnoxious piece of music that repeats ad nausea in this otherwise silent film. And, to make matters worse, there is not an attractive guy in the cast. The film opens with a close up of the crotch of a pair of trousers. The pants are unzipped and an uncut cock is taken out. A naked man sitting on the ground sucks the cock, which does not get hard. Some eternal moments later, we see a tattooed naked man totally shaved holding a recorder. This is the piper. A skuzzy blond is stalking him. We cut back and forth between these two scenes. This is a technique that usually annoys me, because as soon as I get involved in one scene it cuts to the other.
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Boxcover for Hunter, The
Hunter, The 
(1.5 stars from 1 review)

Starring: Tony, Wolfgang, Bernard, Andres
Studio: Heatwave

Release date: 7/24/2002
Hunter, The reviews:
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What a weird little film! It is definitely not a pud-pounder, but I have to admit it is erotic. It begins with two guys whom we shall call Weiss und Schwarz walking in the great outdoors jabbering away in German. They seem to be having some kind of argument as the white guy occasionally pushes the black guy. Soon they are rolling around in the grass in a playful wrestling bout. At this point a fairly fat guy, Plump, comes onto the scene with a cartoon of eggs. He is mesmerized by the horseplay and begins to get aroused. Weiss und Schwarz are now getting naked. They rub their bodies together and the black guy pretends to fuck the white guy. Plump, or Blimpy-Pie as I shall now call him has dropped his drawers and is now stroking his putz. He has tried to make it appear bigger by shaving his pubes but it still seems miniscule under that sagging belly. Hes really not as unattractive as it sounds. He has a rather sweet face and would be a chubby chasers dream. Meanwhile Weiss und Schwarz have started to suck some cock.
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